sweet musings*

To Forget or Not?

2011-08-18T20:04:00.009+08:00

I heard
That you're settled down
That you
Found a girl
And you're
Married now

I heard
That your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things
I didn't give to you

Old friend
Why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back
Or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over

Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me", I beg
"I'll remember", you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead."
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead,
Yeah.

I don't know why, but for me it hurts not just sometimes, but everytime.

----------

I pray for courage to face the things that are beyond my control. I will be strong.
I rejoice that God has a unique plan for everyone. One plan is not necessarily better or worse than another.

I do not belong to the generation of INSTANT GRATIFICATION. I am not a child anymore, I should know what is good for me.

Most importantly, God please teach me how to go with the flow. I hope I am going according to your plan.

Amen.

P.S. I must survive this sem!!!!

No Holds Barred

2010-12-29T19:06:00.003+08:00

Hello dear you :)

I haven't exactly had a break ever since the end of exams. I only had a change of lifestyle. Now, as I'm sitting here typing this, I feel like I'm going to have a fever anytime from this flu I've been having.

Let's see..., I
1) Undertook a massive springcleaning effort at home (it was one of the things I was itching to do when I was intensely studying)
2) Went to Egypt & Jordan - that easily shaved off a huge chunk of the holiday :P (I like how you don't have to do anything bcoz it's an obligation when you're on a holiday. The days just get by.)
3) Have been going out EVERYDAY since I came back from overseas. And trust me, it's exhausting! (at least for a homebody)

I feel like I need to write bcoz I need to detox my mind before I embark on a new year. And these are some of the more poignant thoughts that I want to remember, in no particular order.

NUMBER #1

Oprah Winfrey is going to lauch the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) come 1 Jan 2011. This is something vastly different from the tried-and-tested formula which made her famous for who she is today, bcoz this means goodbye to the Oprah show. I love this part of Fortune's interview with Oprah:

"My fear about 'Will the people follow me?' - I'm past that," says Oprah. This past summer, she says, she was reading a magazine article about Michael Jackson and was riveted by a quote from a former colleague of the late superstar. The friend said that after Jackson released Thriller in 1982 and it became the all-time-best-selling album, he was paralyzed by the notion that he could never top that. "All the bells went off," says Oprah. "This is why I lived in fear about this network. I kept thinking I have to repeat the 25-year phenomenon of the Oprah show." She adds: "I don't want to be Michael Jackson."

This whole paragraph really struck a chord in me. The truth is after I passed out from SJAB, I haven't really found a new direction. I'm still stuck in this phase of paralysis. My squadmates should understand that feeling of loss of direction after our passing-out parade, but the problem with me is I probably haven't moved on from then. I haven't found a new worthwhile anchor since then. And by the way, mugging does not count. Mugging does not satisfy me deeply enough. It is just a very useful & productive way of filling up all the white spaces. Mugging feels like a selfish activity, bcoz it's just for ME. In fact, sometimes I feel that it takes me away from loved ones & the things that I love to do. I miss the feeling of working hard for something bigger than myself. I miss the feeling of how something can magically marshall so much energy & strength within myself that I didn't even know I possessed. The harsh reality is that THE MAGIC IS GONE. I'm just stuck in limbo, waiting for a new emotionally fulfilling anchor to come along, so that I can recreate that same feeling of inspired productivity & satisfaction. But today, I realized that I can't keep waiting for something to happen, especially when I don't even know exactly what I'm looking for. And most importantly, as this article taught me, I should get over the obsession that I have to recreate that same level and same kind of inspired productivity & satisfaction. I have to accept that each undertaking in life is just going to be.. different and fulfilling in its own way. We can't force magic. We can only allow each undertaking to work its OWN magic.

NUMBER #2

Over a family Christmas dinner, my uncle (my father's eldest brother) was sharing his life stories. He praised himself for being gifted - how he managed to be in the top 10 of the cohort every year. He noted a time when he said that this guy from the 2nd best class actually managed to overtake him (from the best class) and this suddenly spurred him to work hard. He beat that guy in the end. And then he went on about other memorable milestones in his life.

And here's the interesting part. I posed him a question along these lines, "What if it turned out that you never could beat this guy from the 2nd best class, do you think you would actually have the confidence to achieve all the things that make who you are today?" He replied, "Yes." He said the most important thing in life is to have a vision & work towards that vision (at least 10 000 hours of work from Malcolm Gladwell's The Outliers).

My uncle also said something that really excited me. I wasn't as excited about the content of what he said. I was more excited that someone actually shared the exact same sentiment as me & expressed it in the exact way I did. He said that life is a journey. After reaching a destination, you'll realize that there is yet another destination which you have to struggle & fight to reach. This was the exact concept (though not the exact words) which I was sharing with Jolynn! When I was in JC, I thought what was most important was to get straight As, get into a good university/ course & life is more or less settled for good. I was wrong. Straight As is only a ticket to a destination. After 'A' levels, there will be yet another battle that we have to go through in order to reach the next destination in life. We just KEEP FIGHTING.

On a sidenote, I'm also secretly pleased that I could actually think of such a concept at a mere age of 19 vis-a-vis someone who has gone through the vicissitudes of life (you know, my uncle in his mid/late 50s).

And to digress even more, we usually say that someone has a lost childhood right? I think I don't have a lost childhood. For one, I cried watching Rapunzel A Tangled Tale (a Disney fairytale!) and I love all the silly whimsical rides the most at Disneyland. I HAVE A LOST TEENAGEHOOD. I had a pretty good childhood (my parents brought me out every weekend). And for most times, I think like an adult. To reiterate, I HAVE A LOST TEENAGEHOOD. I don't know...It just felt like I skipped that angsty teenage phase totally! (Okay, maybe I had a reaaaaally short one - a few months when I was ten years old - when I outrightly thought that everything my father did was "irritating".) Maybe this can plausibly explain why I have less of a phobia interacting with children & adults than people my age.

NUMBER #3

To recapitulate point NUMBER #2, life is a never-ending journey where we keep fighting. This is where the 4Cs from Education Minister, Dr Ng Eng Hen, become a timely reminder in case we are lost in the never-ending fight. The 4Cs are namely confidence, compassion, compartment & company.

I think the third C, compartment, has the most to teach me. I mentioned JOKINGLY (which means that I do have other priorities like health, family and social life, though the time allocated to these priorities are dismally & disproportionately less than studying) that my life is just a mono-compartment. Haha, made up of studying, if you haven't already guessed. My uncle responded gravely that this is not good. He gave me an apt analogy. We are like ships cruising along the sea. Like a ship, our life should be made up of different compartments bcoz a mono-compartment ship would not be able to sail anymore if it's one & only compartment were to catch fire & get destroyed. Conversely, a ship with a few compartments would still be able to rely on its other compartments should one of its few compartments catch fire, and still be able to sail in the sea of life.

Sometimes it really feels like the happiness in my life depended on how well I fare in law school. Which means to say that if I don't fare well, I'm doomed to unhappiness? Actually, I don't like dicussing about law sch at all. Law sch is hard. But I don't like telling people that either bcoz I'm working hard to be optimistic about law sch, and at times I do succeed. And the almost default response I get when I tell people that law sch is hard is, "But this is what you want to do right?" Yea, definitely (no sacarsm intended, by the way), but I wasn't expecting all the difficulty & competition when I made the choice (Suprisingly the part about how the legal fraternity is bitchy, as outsiders often think, has been very downplayed, in Singapore, in NUS, at least. Everyone has generally been very nice to each other which belies the inner turmoil everyone is going through I bet). Actually, the scariest part about law sch is how it fills me with self-doubt (hating something or someone is not half as debilitating as hating yourself). All my previously revealed (in GP & Economics) shortcomings come back to haunt me. "You write more in an explanatory style", "You have not proved anything up to this point", "your essay reads more like a summary", how I'm just not hitting the right point, how I understand the content but it's just the way I express myself (this part sucks the most). I. JUST. KEEP. HITTING. THE. WALL. Maybe I'm just stuck in a chimney and I should learn to stop moving sideways but up & down. Problem is, I have YET (thankfully, means there's still hope) figured a way to move up & down to escape the chimney. And it hits me the most when people tell me stuff like, "I thought you would do something like Medicine." This brings me back to the age-old quandary of how I do better in Sciences, but I'm really more fascinated with the Humanities. But to clear some misconception, Law is not entirely about Humanities, and as people in the legal frat would know, it's not about bombastic prose (definite no-no) or how many relevant examples you can raise but the LOGIC behind an argument that is grounded in precedent. It's a combination of skill sets from both the Sciences & Humanities. Just that I'm not doing well with the Humanities parts - how you persuade, how you organize & present your knowledge in a way that is most beneficial to you. God, please help the people whose strengths and interests simply don't converge. Sometimes I feel like I need superhuman conviction that I can overcome this. 10 000 hours. I'll be there. Watch me.

Steffi, please promise yourself that you will not hit the wall, or at least hit the wall less, okay? After spending hours & hours poring over tons of reading, you better make sure that you write about them in a way that will give you the most returns after all the tears & late-nights you put in. And maybe, your number 1 priority should not be studying, but thinking instead? Read actively not passively! (Though it's understandly a feat considering the mountains of reading you have to go through; but remember, time is limited & you gotta make every effort count.)

NUMBER #4

On to the fourth C, company. Dr Ng said that company in this case includes friends, family & a life partner. Much as I like the idea of the 4Cs, I feel that the part on "life partner" is just another government propaganda effort. I mean, seriously?!?! I know having a partner anchors you, but I'm sure there are other ways of finding happiness.

I like this concept about how THE ONE should complement you, and not complete you. Kyna, if I'm not wrong, I got this idea from one of your articles. No one can make you complete, except yourself. If you need someone else to complete you, to define your self-worth, chances are your relationship will be based on neediness rather than true selfless love (is there really such a thing anyway? But I know everyone tries their best).

And here's a summary of the guys in law sch (if any guy from law sch is reading this, remember I don't mean any of this personally!) which I thought was quite apt. Val was quite amused by this. They are:
1) Openly Gay (there's quite a high incidence of them than in any other institution I have been to)
2) Attached
3) Single BUT short :/
4) Single BUT studying (lol, I'm not even considered mugger anymore in law sch!)

NUMBER #5

When you're on a camel, follow the camel's gait.

Love this quote. This was the essence which I distilled from my trip to Egypt & Jordan.

Camels, especially one-hump camels, are one of the most HORRIFYING animals you can ride on. I really thought I could fall off anytime when I was on the camel. It didn't help that we did cases in Law about people falling off camels. As a result, I got myself in a bolt stiff position which I felt was the most secure for me - leaning backwards, my feet pressed squarely against the hanging feet latches, hands grabbing tightly onto the 15cm short vertical pole in front of me. I still felt like I was slipping though with every step that the camel took. I refused to budge from this bolt stiff position that I have chosen for myself. It made me feel the most secure. I was afraid of the risk of falling off should I just slightly let go. However, as the camel progressed further, I realized it was really easier if I just let myself ease into the camel's gait, i.e. move your body together with the camel's movement.

I thought this reflected my life a lot? My life is all about planners, timetables, schedules, and to-do lists to adhere to. Yes, I admit to be a 100% control freak. It's like I would fail if I would just let go of these for the slightest bit. When my life would be so much easier & much more PRODUCTIVE if I just handled what came along my way instead of stubbornly staying in my bolt-stiff position like that's my sure-win formula.

NUMBER #6

There was this great article about the tyranny of choice in The Economist.

We live in a modernized world with a wealth of choices. So much so that our expectations have been inflated to such an extent that people think that the perfect choice exists.

At a certain age, people have a sudden realization that life hasn't gone quite the way they intended, and they feel stuck. They are paralyzed by having too much choice.

The anxiety comes from worrying about making the wrong choice. Having options seems to make people think they can have control over outcomes too. Sometimes, choosing is about learning to live without control.

We make choices everyday, don't we? Choosing to study Law is one of the more life-changing choices. Till now, I still wonder whether Law was the right choice. Would I have been a more "successful" person in another place in another course? I don't know for sure, I'm not God, I can't see into the future. I don't regret the journey so far (4 months long? 6 months long if you include orientation), it was very painful no doubt, but fruitful in the sense that I have picked up some skills & I can feel myself changing. Though, in a practical sense, the time would have been "wasted" if I do ever change course (there was once this NUS mailer that came in notifying students that XX/XX/2010 was the deadline for application for change of course, & we joked in law sch that we kept the mailer in our inbox just in case we decide to change). Besides the known fact that we do have to live with our choices & make the best of it, this article from The Economist helped me realize (and maybe forgive myself a little more) that there is no such thing as a perfect choice, but an appropriate choice to be made at any moment in time.

Law Rag 2010

2010-08-07T17:14:00.009+08:00

Now that Law Rag is really over, I don't regret burning 2 months of holidays just going to school everyday doing the same dance over & over again. I initially joined Rag more for the dance (dancing gives me a natural high! I don't exactly understand why ppl need alcohol to get an artificial high when they dance in clubs & there's no space to dance full-out too. Give me a proper dance studio anytime!) than for the friends since my OG wasn't really into Rag anyway. I also wanted to familiarize myself with the Law Sch environment before sch starts proper, so that 10 Aug 2010 won't be so intimidating. But what I took away from Rag was much more than opportunities to dance but a bunch of lovely ragger friends & the realization that Summit (Law Canteen) food is actually palatable (Muslim stall for the win!), just that we're short on variety. I'm okay with my OG, but OG1 is really awesome - the ppl are unbelievably welcoming & inclusive :) There were other stranded ppl from minority OGs like me whom I made good friends with like Sara & Angeline. & there were all the other dancers along the way - my diamond buddies lol & my brother's drama senior, Wang Ting, who describes me as the girl with the glasses & the long legs (which makes me sound like a cartoon character).

It's funny how I joined Rag for the dance but Rag ironically made me think twice (in fact, many times) about whether I can cope in a dance CCA in uni since I've never exactly been in one before (1 year of Chinese Dance in primary 3 doesn't count). Can't do the hip hop bounce properly bcoz I'm so long & thin. Too much uncontrolled energy makes me look like an overstretched human with flingy limbs (sometimes looking at videos of me dancing make me cringe, I would very much prefer a mirror so I can auto-correct). My balance is quite bad too (CG too high, I'm glad I'm not a flyer, it would probably be too much for me). & my energy level kept going downhill especially after Rag stayover. Don't know why... I would normally be in the zone once the music starts blasting, but I don't seem to be getting it anymore, it's like I suddenly lost the key to the door inside me. It helped though for a day when Angus (really admire the rag head for being so sincere, haha) said it was important to dance from the heart since dance is an art. Haha, but I lost it again the next day :/ It didn't help that I was having a flu, my period & a sprained ankle all at the same time.

Which is why I thought God's grace was really important (yes, Angeline is getting to me, haha). I believe in God definitely, but I'm not very particular about the details. The night before rag I prayed that I'll be okay, that rag will be okay, that we can perform at our best. So, I was quite sad when I couldn't sleep the whole night coz of my runny nose & with my ankle propped up in an uncomfortable position. Ha, I was even thinking what I should do if mucus starts coming out from my nose during pre-judging. Hm, but somehow towards noon, my runny nose became drier for a while & my ankle just didn't hurt, no ache, nothing. And when I practised the fankick just before the performance it was miraculously the right feeling after not being right the whole week (which was seriously my fault, not my partner's problem). And I felt in-the-zone enough during the performance, fankick was 100% right haha (I'm actually fortunate that fankick is the only thing I really have to worry about; stunters, Sex Tonight ppl & acrobats have it so much harder). Kudos to the costume/ makeup team coz the costume and make-up did play a part in helping me get into character. GOD LISTENS! :)

Oh yes, Calvin Magnus is a damn good dancer/ instructor/ choreographer! I love the dance conditioning, haha. If I'm feeling tired from conditioning, just look at Magnus do it effortlessly & I'll be inspired to just push on :) Arias is damn good too! I think I'll join a dance CCA in uni, although I've heard all the horror stories about how Law Sch is like having prelims everyday. But uni is like my last chance of sch life, I've already missed the chance to join dance in JC (didn't join due to lack of confidence = don't want to go through the trouble of auditioning, & 'A' levels is damn impt!), it'll be wasted to just miss it again. It would be good to have some exercise dancing & just do something that makes me happy just by doing it alone. I figured focusing too much on Law studies would be counter-productive as evinced by how I performed during prelims T.T The time when I thought I was really performing at my peak in studies was when I was juggling Bike Hike preparations, SATS & Mid Years all at the same time. I don't know whether I can get into Blast since it seems to be Magnus standard, but there are quite few dance groups in Centre for the Arts, so I'll just give some of those a try. Nikhita (haha, my bus buddy :]) says that it's impt to be determined & keep practising for ppl who have no background (like me, save for a few months of holiday dance classes). The dance groups will still give you credit if you do make improvement & meet a certain standard.

It's touching seeing your peers & seniors working so hard for Rag. It's awesome that NUS has Rag, it's great for social bonding :) Although I do agree with Yvonne that the floats could be kept & exhibited elsewhere (after all the materials & man hours gone into making it) & that Rag should at least have greater media coverage. I realized NUS is actually brimming with a lot of life & activities coz there are just too many ppl in the university. It's just up to you to source for which activities you want to initiate or take part in. Yes, I like NUS now, haha. I find the run-down campus at Kent Ridge bearable now after we had a National-Day-like Rag-cum-SYOG-flame-arrival-ceremony there complete with fireworks! ^.^

Now that Rag is over, I MUST SWITCH BACK TO MY NON-RAG DIET. I can't believe how much I ate during the 2 months preparing for Rag. I just kept eating, oh my god! >< Told you Summit food was good. Somehow I just need to keep eating something (I have a particular fetish for carbos, the most weight-gaining category of food, sigh) to make myself satisfied enough to keep dancing everyday. & there's always the delusion that you can burn the calories off with Rag dance conditiong though I seriously think the calorie input is more than the energy output. I'm excited that sch is going to start, though I'm also a little intimidated about whether I can cope with the academic load and social environment, but yepp, God listens & everything will work out fine eventually with God's grace :)

Uni Apps

2010-05-23T17:30:00.006+08:00

Welcome! This is the long overdue blog post. I usually like to wait till the dust has settled before I start to speak.

Firstly, interview season was nothing short of eventful and meaningful. I went for EIGHT university interviews O.O That’s a lot of talking and preparation work. Personally, I felt that every interview was a milestone itself bcoz I took away some lessons each time. I loved going to interviews :D The plus factor is that I can finally be out in the world. I stopped working altogether bcoz of the deluge of interviews. And it can get quite mundane (which can probably explain my unusually high Facebook usage) when you’re alone at home reading all the time. The next plus factor is talking to strangers. Kyna and I like talking to strangers :) In fact, it’s so much easier to talk to a stranger than a distant classmate. Kyna says its bcoz we haven’t exhausted all our talking topics with strangers. For me, I like talking to strangers bcoz you get to start on a blank clean slate. People don’t have past impressions of you as a boring quiet unpopular mugger. You don’t have to live up (yes, we subconsciously do) to 2D stereotypes that people have of you. You get to be exactly who you want to be. And I like that.

Here’s the list of interviews:
1 )SMU Accountancy + Scholarship
2) NUS Law Interview +Essay Test
3) NUS University Scholars’ Programme Interview + Essay
4) NUS Medicine Interviews 1 & 2 + Essay Test
5) SMU Lee Kong Chian Scholarship
6) NUS Business Scholarship
7) NTU Nanyang/ College Scholarship

1) SMU Accountancy + Scholarship

I am an SMU convert. If I did Biz/Acc, I would think SMU is the best place to do it although NUS’ USP is also very attractive, but employers won’t know what is USP. SMU was never on my radar bcoz it’s not EQUIS and AACSB accredited. However, after learning more about the school, I thought it was the best place to develop myself to who I wanted to be & accreditation will come in a matter of time. I met Charlene Tan before the interview :) Charlene is my no-affinity classmate, unfortunately. It would be nice to have her around. I realized it’s actually good to talk to people in the waiting room before an interview, because you get used to talking people and are wont to be more warm and chatty during the interview. I actually told the interviewers that I found my job at Accounts Payable repetitive. The dean of accountancy was quite taken aback when I said that. I tried to explain that it was repetitive not bcoz accountancy is boring but rather the job that I was doing didn’t require much brainpower. To quote myself, “But accountancy is much more than just accounts payable.” The dean seemed finally satisfied with the answer & stopped being so hooked on the fact that I mentioned the repetitiveness of my accounts payable job. Generally, this interview was quite good. It was by far one of the smoothest. I felt confident & sure of myself. I wished it was longer though, but I realized everyone has a max of 15 mins bcoz of the tight schedule. I hoped I maxed the 15 mins.

Trivia: Prof Pang aka Dean of SMU School of Accountancy reminds me a lot of my cousin’s (who’s one of the people who converted me) mum. They exude the same aura.

Lesson learnt: Don’t know whether I was being too honest for my own good when I said it was “repetitive”. But sometimes, I hope the school can accept me for who I am & my motivations which I feel are sincere & justifiable. If not, the course & school are probably an ill fit for me.

Results: Offered

2) NUS Law Interview +Essay Test

Never really thought I could get in here bcoz the first time I came here during Law Open House, the Law School struck me as a very intellectual and stimulating place. SMU is vibrant-stimulating while the Law School is intellectual-stimulating – a different type of stimulating. It felt like a place befitting people like Sara :) I was telling my Dad that if there’s anyone I really hope gets into Law, it has to be Sara bcoz it would be a total waste of her talents otherwise – I mean future UN employee! Hm, I felt snubbed for this interview. Law always seemed like an esoteric field to me. I never could really comprehend what Law is. What do you do in Law School? Study a fixed set of laws? So, I asked a Law student what Law really was and he told me, “Do you think Law students really know what Law is?” His witty reply kind of piqued my interest. I went for the Law Open House and yes, it did help me understand Law better. This is the best takeaway quote, “Law to society is like Medicine to the body.” Society gives birth to laws which again shape society. It's a continual process. What is the most interesting thing about Law is that it’s multi-disciplinary, just like USP. Bcoz you can’t learn Law by learning a fixed set of rules. If you talk about Commercial Law, you need to understand the business world. If you talk about Biomedical Law, you need to understand all the developments, ethical and intellectual property rights issues in this field. If you talk about Comparative Law, you need to actually contrast the cultures of different countries. Law has to be contextualized. So, that’s what I told my interviewers! I wanted to do Law because of its multi-disciplinary nature and how it gives me a better understanding of society so that I can be in a better position to shape it. I even likened it to USP just that it’s a professionalized version of USP – a lot of writing & thinking & talking. But the interviewers chose to interpret “professional” as “so it’s for the money right”. I didn’t see any point in rebutting him, so I paused for a while and flatly said “yah”. I told the interviewers that I am someone who is “logical & systematic”. That was the only trait that I felt I had that could be relevant to the Law field, I mean I can’t say I’m someone who is “sharp, critical & incisive” when I haven’t even reached that stage yet. So, he played on my words & said “Let’s do a logical & systematic analysis of the Google pullout from China”. I was like thinking to myself, oh no, old news which I didn’t follow so closely as opposed to the more current ones like the Romanian diplomat issue. I realized they were indeed interested in your “ability to reason & think” which is the advice all Law students give for interviews & they were not interested in your contextual knowledge & how much you know about it, I mean I was seriously unimpressed by myself. I discussed the whole issue in such layman terms and with no specific examples, nothing fancy at all. It was just statements and elaboration, minus all the evidence. I went home and googled (haha, the pun) about Google pullout from China & was thankful I got the main gist right. They also asked me about censorship in Singapore and I remember another snub remark from the prof who said “you obviously didn’t read the overseas newspapers today”. So, my concluding remarks for this interview - I felt SNUBBED. Haha :D I felt that they were more interested in my brain than me as a person. So, I was shell shocked when I was offered. I was thinking maybe it was bcoz I managed to make them laugh by my reply to a hypothetical scenario question. And you know, interviews are boring for interviewers, so maybe they remembered me for making them laugh. I was thankful I applied for Medicine too. Bcoz I do A LOT OF RESEARCH & REFELECTION for every single course I applied and yes, naturally HOTA comes under the Medicine research. And guess what, HOTA came out for the Law essay test! I realized what I had been doing wrong for all my Humanities essays was that I was not answering the question. I always had the Science mentality when I study Humanities, hoping to shift all the knowledge I had lock stock & barrel into that essay. Learned it the hard & painful way during Econs prelims.

Results: Offered

3) NUS University Scholars’ Programme Interview + Essay

This was by far my favourite interview. The interviewers were sincerely interested in me as a person and my motivations in life. I even shared the dilemma I faced deciding which course to choose. I had a good time talking about myself, haha :D The pre-interview chat session with the USP seniors was nice too. I heard the USP students mainly hail from VJC. I wrote about Tourism for my essay. Although I’m not studying Tourism and Hospitality Management now, I still have an interest in all things touristy ;) My favourite part when I travel besides the hotels and airplanes, is the learning of different cultures. I also like the idea of serving people and making someone’s day. I felt that Tourism shouldn’t be taken so lightly and if properly harnessed, has the potential to effect substantial societal change. Anyway, I met this person called Jia Wei from Hwach. He isn’t the councilor Jia Wei but another Jia Wei I guess. He applied for Medicine and Pharmacy. I had a surprisingly meaningful conversation with him despite the fact that he is a total stranger (see, stranger talk is good). During that period of time, I was still researching and thinking about possibilities in Medicine. And the greatest barrier that I personally cannot overcome is the research aspect. The greatest doctors, even the Dean of the Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine, besides having good bedside manners, technical expertise, also have a passion for research which ultimately benefits patients. I don’t mind caring for patients and ensuring the smooth running of hospitals but I simply cannot take the technical aspect. And well, he renewed my understanding of research. He made me see how research work was just like any other professional job.

Results: Offered

4) NUS Medicine Interviews 1 & 2 + Essay Test

This was by far my most torturous interview. No matter which interview I went for even if it wasn’t my initial 1st choice (SMU Biz/Acc), like USP or NUS Law, I would also sufficiently manage to convince myself and put myself in the right mindset before the interview. But I couldn’t do it for Medicine. The only way I saw out of this whole situation without betraying myself was that I want to be a doctor first to understand the life of a doctor before I become a hospital administrator. The job of a doctor takes place on a very micro level. It’s very much a one-on-one patient care. But for me, I like managing a whole system and having a macro perspective of a problem and then find a solution to it. That’s what the interviewers highlighted to me, and obviously, I know all of this since I did my research. Ha, even the Minister of Health, Khaw Boon Wan, who is also vaguely considered a healthcare administrator, is also not a doctor! He studied Engineering and Commerce in Australia. And the funny thing is Vivian Balakrishnan studied Medicine but ended up doing something totally non-Science related – Minister of Community, Youth Development and Sports. The irony of it all, confusing right! You must be thinking right now why I applied for Medicine. I would think it was a mental accident of sorts. I had a conversation with Jolynn just the day before the university submissions deadline. We were so engrossed with ideals & aspirations; we kind of misinterpreted the meaning of “You need to succeed in society’s terms before you can be in a position to change it”. So yes, I changed my application on the spur-of-the-moment. But definitely, that wasn’t the only reason; I found my motivations to study Biz/Acc not compelling enough for me to reject other possibilities. I have very generic interests. All I ask for in my job is that it allows me to work in a professional environment where I can solve problems and brainstorm for solutions in groups, liaise with people, give presentations, improve situations and refine working systems. I wanted a job that pays sufficiently well, gives me satisfaction and allows me to contribute gainfully to society. Almost every profession allows you to do this right??? How am I supposed to choose? But I have not regretted applying for Medicine AT ALL although it sure was tedious. So thank you Mrs Yap for writing my letter of recommendation :) Your time wasn’t wasted. It was my ticket to another journey of self-discovery. The Med test was interesting. I met Hilary Chiang - my fellow Swissotel colleague! I’m in Accounts Payable and I pay the invoices I receive. She’s in Cost Control and she’s the one who delivers the invoices to me every morning. I never really talked much to her, just work-related stuff, nothing personal. So boy, was I surprised to see her there. She’s from NYJC and she could make it this far, was happy for her :) This is an unbelievably small world. It was also eye-opening to see who else applied for Med. There were the pri sch classmates and church friends I didn’t keep in contact with. Hee, there was even my kindergarten classmate that I personally dislike bcoz she’s always getting me into trouble :p Ha, and there was Timothy Iype Thomas. I mean Timothy Iype Thomas = doctor?

Trivia #1: The Med essay test was on Research, the number 1 thing that deters me from Med. I am quite amazed how I unwittingly manage to spot the essay topics, aha.

Trivia #2: These were the last words of the doctor who interviewed me for the 2nd Medicine interview, “You are great. You are really great. I’m sure you will be someone even bigger than a doctor.” Go figure O.O

Lesson learnt: Going through the Medicine application journey finally & utterly convinced me that Medicine is not for everybody. I agree with you Kyna! It is one thing when people tell you that and another thing when you really experience it yourself. On my way home after the interview, I thought that if NUS really offered me Med, I wouldn’t accept it. Wah, but then again, if they did offer me, then the selection process must really undergo a major review, haha.

Results: Rejected

5) SMU Lee Kong Chian Scholarship

I call this the turning-point interview. I liked this interview. All the group interaction was fun! But at the same time, I didn’t like it bcoz I know I didn’t get to shine as much I wanted. I was really upset when I didn’t manage to get this scholarship. I really don't know what I did wrong except for the fact that I should have been more aggressive and tried to shine more during the case-based interview. It's not like I cannot speak in front of a crowd or I don't have EQ or I can't do project work well or I can't lead people. Doing a project or managing a company is not about simply talking a lot & putting up a show for one day, it's so myopic to judge people like that. You know during the scholarship briefing, the prof was saying that "Maybe, the 4 As people only study and are not the best business people.” I don't know abt ppl who don't really need to work hard to get 4 As, but he's not being fair to ppl who struggled and sacrificed so much to get 4 As and I felt as if the school is trying to send out a message that you shouldn't have even studied so hard in JC and should have gotten more of a life. I still like that prof lah, but I thought that comment was quite hurtful. I have nothing against all the people I know who got the scholarship, and I know it is really thick-skinned of me to say this, but I don’t find myself inferior to them and I don’t think my achievements in the long run will pale vis-à-vis theirs. But I do realize that the people selected are of a certain type. I have a feeling that Jolynn is right when she said SMU is a new university and are hence trying to carve a niche for themselves by the type of people they select. In conclusion, SMU was always THE PLACE. Getting Lee Kong Chian scholarship and studying Biz/Acc was always THE PLAN. Not getting this scholarship made me rethink all my options and even SMU itself.

Trivia: When I went for the SMU Acc tea session last week, I didn’t see my interview mates. I only saw Yan Wen and she’s going NTU. I still keep in contact with Teddy Herianto (he has a cute name right), a fellow interview mate. He actually read Eat Pray Love. In his words, “It’s a book about a really strong woman” and he said I should read it too. I was pleasantly surprised to know that guys like this book as well.

Results: Rejected

6) NUS Business Scholarship

This interview was a miniaturized version of the Lee Kong Chian scholarship interview which proves to me all the more that SMU is really at the forefront of business education. I heard that all NUS Biz students have name cards – something that started in SMU as well. I mean NUS is actually modeling after SMU. I became smarter for this interview after the Lee Kong Chian scholarship interview. Grab every suitable opportunity to talk and say something! And even if it’s said before, don’t deadpan, think of way to supplement that point of view and add a new dimension to it. Actually, the biggest draw for me to do Biz/Acc in NUS is not the main degree course itself but all the accompanying frills like USP and NUS Overseas College that make it attractive. It also helps that NUS is a prestigious world-ranked university.

Trivia: I met Rachel Ho from VJC. And yoo hoo, she is Calean Lee’s cousin! I told you going for interviews was fun! You always can’t expect who’re going to meet. We got lost in NUS together bcoz we were not familiar with the Mochtar Riady Building place and we trying to find the free bus to Habourfront MRT so it’s easier to go home. I found out that we used to be neighbours in Serangoon North! We lived in the same block. I lived on the 11th floor while she lived on the 7th floor. She eventually got the Lee Kong Chian scholarship during the 2nd opening. I saw it on my newsfeed in Facebook. She said “I prayed to God and asked him whether I should go to NUS or NTU or SMU and he gave me an answer! It is moments like this when we really feel God.” Well, I prayed to God, and he gave me answer too. There was no call from Lee Kong Chian scholarship people; instead the NUS Law Letter came in the very next day.

Results: Superseded by NUS Law offer

7) NTU Nanyang/ College Scholarship

This interview was so late. I have already kind of distilled my uni possibilities to two options – SMU Biz/Acc or NUS Law. NTU was out of the picture. But I went for the interview anyway to see what it was like. I’m sorry guys, it was another archetypal interview. I mean the Biz interviews for NUS and SMU have already evolved to another level, but NTU was still stuck in the same mould. But to be fair, this was a very generic scholarship interview for all NTU students regardless of course, so that’s why it wasn’t like all the Biz scholarship interviews that I went for.

Results: No news

Superficially, I may look like I’m gunning for all the top courses. But I would say, I saw things in the courses that interests me sufficiently enough to apply for it. So, yes, I’m practical and I applied for professional courses but prestige was never the sole and main motivating factor. After months of deliberation, I have finally resolved my quandary - I think I would do NUS Law :) Hm, I think the whole problem with me is that I have very generic strenghts and interests. So, the argument on doing things that are in line with your strengths, interests and aspirations doesn't quite apply to me. Bcoz based on my JC experience, I have always found it easier to score in Science but my interests lie in the Humanities. I am someone whose STRENGTHS & INTERESTS DON'T ALIGN. But I realized that I am good in Science (in comparison to my Humanities) bcoz of the circumstances I was in. I was in an environment where I had a combination of both Science and Humanities to study and because Steffi, being the very PRACTICAL person that I am, would spend more of my time on things which would guarantee better results for me in exams. So, I "naturally" excel in science, although it's not exactly my interest, it interests me bcoz I get it and it's pretty logical once you get it! So, now, by making myself take Law, I am making my circumstances such that the only way I can now excel is by spending time on the things (due to the nature of the study of Law) which I have been neglecting for the past 6 years of my life - reading, writing, thinking & critiquing. I realized that my motivation to study at SMU is hoping that I can be someone vocal & articulate. Law lets me do that. Besides being vocal & articulate, you must be a thinking individual. And I realized that the reason why I have been so hooked on the idea of doing Biz/ Acc is subconsciously driven by the fear of failure. My teacher once told me that I should do something that I'm good at bcoz when you excel in something, you feel good about yourself and work harder to keep yourself in top form - it works in a virtuous cycle. I have this feeling that I can quite easily get a 1st class honours in Biz/ Acc. I'm not so sure about getting 1st class honours in Law since I'll be in the realm of intellectuals. But I came across something in a NTU Scholarship brochure that inspired me, the Mass Comm scholar said," I've learnt that life is not about being the best person out there, but being the best that you can be." So, I feel that I should not let my fear of not being the best in Law impede me from developing into who I want to be. I want to take Law precisely bcoz it's challenging & meaningful and I get stretched in the way that I feel would bring out the best in me. My Mum told me that I shouldn't enter law school thinking that I can't get 1st class honours, coz my attitude will be affected & it'll become a self-fulfilling prophecy. So, I probably don't fully realize or appreciate my capabilities yet. Also, the great thing about Law is that it is tolerant of myriad interests. It’s not like Medicine where you must like Science and Science only (although there is also a human element in the healthcare sector). There’s a reason why Law is in a double degree programme with so many things like Economics, Business, Accountancy and even Science. People who study Law also end up doing so many different things – public service, legal sector, business sector, NGOs, media, arts scene and even frivolous things like photography and being an air-stewardess. The common thread that holds all of these is that you need to like to think & reflect. It’s a misconception that you need to be the argumentative and confrontational type. No point arguing and being critical when you have no substance at all. Walter Woon, the ex-Attorney General , for one didn’t like arguing. He said it himself. I don’t rule out the possibility of being a lawyer for life. I think the job should be engaging enough to fulfil me, although I have dreams to be in public service one day. I also understand that it is a switch from what I had originally envisaged myself. But there’s nothing wrong with that, I think. I came to NYGH telling myself that I would never join a UG. I thought foot drill was silly, I mean everyone starts going to the toilet when it is the march-past during NDP. I was in Brownies in primary school and we did inane things like make friendship bands, recite pledges and sing community songs. But somehow, I went to the SJAB booth during CCA orientation in Sec One and was sufficiently convinced enough to put it as one of my choices - it wasn't my 1st choice. And well, I would have chosen to join SJAB if I were to choose all over again :)

That was the rationalization behind the decision to take NUS Law. But when making a decision this big, you need to use both your mind and your heart. So, on the heart level, I admit that it is true that SMU was always THE PLACE and studying Biz/Acc was always THE PLAN so much so that I didn’t even apply for Law in SMU. But I would say this is fate? Just like what Shi Hui said, life is unpredictable. If I had gotten the Lee Kong Chian scholarship offer, I would have said yes immediately and I would have stopped thinking about what to study, and this chapter in my life would have closed. But it’s precisely bcoz I didn’t manage to get it that made me rethink all my options all over again. So, to give myself a chance again since SMU was always the THE PLACE and THE PLAN, I went for the SMU Accountancy tea session and I realized I WAS NOT INSPIRED ANYMORE. I met Renice, a Lee Kong Chian scholar, and asked her, “Actually why do you want to do Accountancy?” She doesn’t really know the reason herself, but we both concurred that we only know Accountancy is money-making. Well, I still want to do all my investments and earn passive income because I really believe the potential of money should be properly harnessed and that it should work for you and not the other way round. I value money not because I want to lead a luxurious lifestyle. Money is never a destination and is not sustaining. However, the reality is I do need money to give the best possible environment for my kids to grow up in and I need to take care of my parents when they are frail and old. In fact, I was thinking if I had a lot of wealth next time, I would still work (I would never want to be a homemaker) for self-fulfillment. I would stash all my cash somewhere and let my kids think we are not that well-off so that they understand the importance of money. I still like tourism and hospitality stuff, but I guess it’s my priorities in life? There are things that we build our careers on and there are things which are sideline interests. All I know at this point in time is that this is a course that I want to study now, it’s an opportunity of a lifetime to stretch myself that I don’t want to give up. It’s scary, I admit. Juat, I’m not even sure whether I’ll experience Eudaimonia, although I’ll work hard to make sure I do. The future is quite uncharted. I’m even giving up SMU scholarship = free money from the sky. How irrational.

But you know what? This is what I feel like doing now and this is precisely what I’m going to do. There’s no looking back Steffi Huang! :)

2010-04-23T12:30:00.001+08:00

This blogpost will be dedicated to insightful quotes :)

From Jolynn's blog: Stoicism is good. Work is good. They're all neutral. You don't have to think, or feel. There are things to be done. And you figure that you'll find the answers along the way.

Haha, that was my mantra in JC. But now without work, I'm glad I've the luxury to think and feel and be more like a human before meaningful work consumes me again in uni :D

Ooh! I would like to elaborate on my two new goals on my to-do list - maintaining a beginner's mind and achieveing eudaimonia.

"Beginner's Mind is a concept in Zen Buddhism which refers to having an openness, eagerness and lack of preconceptions when studying a subject, even when studying at an advanced level.

"Beginner's Mind is approaching things with that wonderful, fresh, open spirit of a child.

"Children look at something and they want to learn it. They soak in the information. They don't worry about looking bad for a minute or two, or for 10 minutes, or for a few days, or for weeks. They just want to learn.

"It's an incredibly easy thing to have a beginner's mind when we're a beginner. But then when we start to be told we're good and we start to feel proficient. Then we start to haveour ego attached. And that's when things get dangerous."

This, I think, is a very profound insight.

As for achieving Eudaimonia... Eudaimonia is apparenly a Greek word and it's a feeling associated with "being able to give your best where you have the best to give, and of reaping the rewards of this excellence". I'm currently using this idea to guide my uni decisions :)

2010-04-21T01:01:00.006+08:00

Think it's glam to work in a hotel? Think again.

This is the employee entrance at the back of the hotel where I step in every morning.

After which, we actually have to climb a flight of stairs down to B1 before we take a lift up to the 5th floor which is the admin floor.

Notice the glam entrance signboard along the dusty stairway. It reads: Warm, Responsive, Attentive & Professional.

The 5th floor is actually quite discreetly hidden among the hotel rooms so if you were to look from outside the hotel, the office floor actually just looks like another hotel room.

Haha, what is so interesting about working in a hotel is that the area which receives the guest is so glam & upmarket but the area where all the staff work pales so much in comparison, it's like 2 different worlds altogether! But the cool thing is: they are all linked together! I was amazed when my colleagues brought me to Plaza Market Cafe to eat buffet to celebrate my birthday :] We took a back alleyway in the hotel and opened the door to the backdoor in the restaurant, and ta-dah! That's how we arrived! The staff here get 50% off the restaurant bill and they get to do their laundry for free using the hotel laundry services and they also get free tuckshop lunch! Okay, but the funny thing when we were at the restaurant was that staff were serving own staff. My colleague was actually chasing the restaurant manager for invoices which they have not submitted while the restuarant manager came over to give us orange juice on the house. And after we left the restaurant through the main entrance, we were next to DBS bank where I go to handle the bank drafts and telegraphic transfers and we're in Raffles City! I just like how interconnected everything is :)

I also got to see the laundry room which is really big-scale. The laundry room looks totally like a factory. Impressed ^.^ I also did stock check at the store twice. I got to go inside this giant freezer which stored all the meat products and yes, the freezer was freaking cold and it was exactly like what we see in TV dramas when people get trapped in the freezer and almost die. There was once where I got lost in the kitchens which was quite scary, luckily I had my handphone so my boss could save me. The kitchen area is actually quite dank and the lifts are the olden-day types where you have to key in the floor number and press a button to activate the lift. I walked one gigantic big round and ended up at the housekeeping section. The housekeeping section was cool! The housekeeper would load their trolleys with all the things to tidy the room. They collect these things like small potted plants from stalls which look like an archetypal school canteen stall. No one could really direct me to the admin section - looks like the blue collar workers are quite cut off from the white collar workers. But after walking and walking and walking, I finally reached an alley door that looked familiar to me :)

This is how much tax invoices I handle in one month :D Which tallies to be about more than 9000 invoices from more than 200 F&B suppliers a month! My poor hands :X Luckily my boss gave me 2 bottles of hand lotion which I use generously :) Each invoice has to be stamped, checked with the Accpac database system, cast, paid, perforated, punched and finally filed.

It is sometimes quite frustrating when you are on-time for your work but the finance director just refuses to sign the report to give the cheque & GIRO payments the green light and suppliers keep calling you demanding payment. And as my colleagues in Accounts Payable say, we all have very long noses bcoz we are all taught to say that "we are just waiting for authorization, we will try out best to give you your payment soon", but the payment is actually just sitting there and it's somehow not nice to push the finance director to go through your report when he has a 101 other more important things to do. As my Mum tells me, companies are always slow to pay but fast to collect, so accounts payable stuff are always put on the backburner, especially F&B.

Some interesting incidents from angry people who called...

1) A Japanese Wagyu beef company's boss actually personally spoke to me and told me that he makes sure we get the best beef and all he is asking for is on-time payment so that he can pay his utitlities and workers and he asked me what we should do to prevent such a thing from happening again. And I'm like thinking to myself whether he's kidding, coz he's asking a temp staff to solve a structural problem in the company. He eventually got a sales representative to come down personally to MEET ME O.O to pass me all the missing invoices.

2) Another company called me & insulted our whole hotel, saying that he was appalled by such behaviour from a 5 star hotel, and to quote him "When I stayed in your hotel, I had to pay by credit card immediately. Now when I'm asking for payment, you guys take forever to pay." And then, there is the whole utilities and worker's wages tirade again. Hm, usually for such instances when suppliers really call to scold is bcoz I don't even receive the tax invoice in the first place. The tax invoice was most probably lost along the way in the big hotel bureaucracy. So, I can't change anything again bcoz I don't know what happens along the way. I just pay what I receive. Only the heads can solve this problem but the heads are always too busy with other things.

3) A tourist calling from USA bcoz he was billed wrongly & his call was transferred wrongly to my department when it should actually be Credit department. But the telephone operators (again another stuctural problem which no one really bothers to correct) always direct anything money-related to accounts payable and specifically to my phone T.T Aiyoh.

Ha, March was ending but the finance director still had not signed the report for February's payment so I erected this tiny sign outside his room that says, "Pls sign asap. Thanks!". The finance director's secretary said I was asking for trouble & she helped me changed the sign to "All these are ready for signature. Thanks!"

Haha, the finance director's secretary, Regina, is super nice really. So many presents and she is always so warm & friendly :) She's generous on others but stinges on herself. She even followed me to buy Jolene's wallet so that I get her Robinson's discount! But I think the most important thing she taught me was business etiquette. I bought brownies from Shu Yi to give the office people as a thank you gift. Being someone who is super tight on my budget, I only bought for the people that really mattered to me, so I didn't prepare one for the finance director since the only thing he says to me is "Hello". Then, Regina said that I should have prepared one for the finance director no matter what, bcoz impression counts in the biz world, thank you gifts earn you brownie points, haha literally (coz you give brownies to earn brownie points), and the next time you try to come back to Swissotel to work, you'll more likely get the job bcoz the boss remembers you. And she made me give the director the brownie which I actually bought for her. I learned a lot from the whole incident :) This is Regina! :)

And this is the brownie! Yum brownie! Too bad I'm on life-long chocolate abstinence :p

This is my trusty calculator :D For the suppliers which we buy a lot from, I actually have to manually calculate all the way to 6 digit figures. I used to make careless typo mistakes but I'm good at it now :) I love the sound of the calculator which generates a casting tape as I press the buttons :) Oh, but disclaimer, I'm still bad at balancing big statements - those that go into more than a dozen pages and involve hundreds of invoices :X

This is my desk :) The original owner loves F4 and Andy Lau A LOT so the whole cubicle is plastered with pictures of them.

Haha, that's right, I work in place flooded with a lot of paper.

The filing gets a bit problematic when you have to put the stacks of invoices into boxes which is very heavy. Luckily I'm tall. It's quite a headache when the box you want is right at the bottom & I have to heave out all the boxes above it just to get to the bottom. As a result, I need to strategize and make sure I do the filing into the boxes with as little movement of the boxes as possible so that I don't waste unnecessary strength, it was like playing destruct-o-match in Neopets! Haha.

And this is the lovely Accounts Payable dept :) I really look forward to the food ^.^ They are always giving me free food! Haha. And, they were really nice to celebrate my birthday when my birthday wasn't even a working day! At first I thought the birthday lunch and present was all, but when I left the office for good, there was also a farewell lunch! Aiyoh, keep making me feel like I owe them something, haix :X

More pictures to share...

This is my lovely nametag :) The red triangle thing stands for Swissotel The Stamford and the embellised F sign stands for Fairmont Singapore. Hm, I thought it was a little waste of resources to print a nametag for a temp though.

And this is the garden which sits on the balcony of the office floor! Too bad I took the picture on a rainy day so the glass door was blur. The chefs actually grow their own herbs in this garden and pluck it to use in their dishes!

I didn't manage to take a photo with the senior assistant finance controller though. The person who really gave me the job.

Ooh! I never got to meet Steffi! There is this person who always signs on the invoices received in Plaza Market Cafe and her name is Steffi based on what I intepret from her signature. I always wanted to meet her & tell her that I have the same name as her, small world!, but I never got the chance to, haha.

Hee, I was scrutinizing the hotel hierarchy before I left and yepp, all the top positions in the hotel are mainly taken by Westerners. I don't believe Asians don't match up actually. Okay, but the cool trivia is the Director of Kitchens is actually on the same rank as the Directors in Sales, Finance and Human Resource. I mean Director of Kitchens?!? He must be a really branded chef and he has a cool name to boot - Otto Weibel :) And if you look at the structure of the hotel, and two biggest departments are the finance department and the sales department. Finance is BIG. There is the Accounts Payable, Accounts Receivable, General Cashier, Credit, Cost Control, Spa Accounts, Finance, Revenue Management, etc. Ooh! The most shuai guy I saw in the hotel was one of the sales directors - Jeff Ross. He just looks very good with spectacles and it's so rare to see bespectacled Westerners. They just feel different :)

In general, I really liked working here :) I got to stay in touch with the real world. I got to practise my professional voice when I make or answer biz phone calls, lol. I got to see the multi-facted hotel industry. It's cool to enter a hotel lift with admin management people, housekeepers with their trolleys, engineers, technicians with equipment and an immaculately dressed waitress holding 2 glasses of wine. The location is fantastic. Which job lets me reach my office in 30 mins flat the moment I step out from my house? Hee, plus the free daily lunch and the pretty good pay. It's also great to be in the city everyday! Shi Hui is lucky to live here. I get to do all my mini SMU recces, visit all the malls bcoz they are all within walking distance, visit NLB, visit the post office, near all my grandmothers' homes, near dance class, near hairdresser, near school even (can pop by during lunch break) and I'm always near the meeting place for gatherings, aha :p You learn to be more savvy! I really know my way around the whole Cityhall, Bugis, Dhoby Ghaut, Somerset and Orchard area now. I mean I started off not knowing how to even insert my card into an ATM machine! I have started liking shopping after going window shopping with my colleagues every lunch break. But actually right, only people who get to be in town everyday will have the luxury to slowly shop around for the best deal bcoz the transport costs to go downtown probably already makes up for the price difference.

So, this is how I spent 2/3 of my pre-uni break :p And I'm like spending all that I've earned on driving (which really costs a BOMB) and dance classes to keep me active till school reopens (whee!). Hee, my mum said I'm suddenly having a lot of affinity with Cityhall. First, it was my prom and then I got a job there and hopefully (I think) I will be here for the next 4 years of my life.

What's next?

2010-04-16T16:55:00.000+08:00

This is all that I’ve got
This is all that I’m not
All that I’ll ever be
I’ve got flaws, I’ve got faults
Keep searching for your perfect heart
It doesn’t matter who you are
We all have our scars
We all have our scars

2010-03-20T00:11:00.001+08:00

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Or keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content
With loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk

2010-01-31T18:29:00.005+08:00

The idea that we will be finally living in 2 different worlds oddly gives me a sense of liberation. Actually, I no longer have anything personally against you, in fact I wish you well, but I just need time away from you. I need more things to happen in my life before I can meet you again, so that this episode will just fade into one of the memories, so that I will stop looking at you with coloured eyes. I don't like to look at you with coloured eyes, it makes me feel tired. I'm trying. I only know that the day when I can finally face you with no qualms, is when I have finally let go.

I feel like I'm just waiting for something to happen in my life.
I hope I have reached a watershed in my life.
I wish A level results would just come out tomorrow.

2010-01-10T15:40:00.000+08:00

I will try to recollect as much as I can. Sometimes I will feel like I'm repeating myself coz I may have already said the same things to friends already.

I had always looked upon the last day of 'A' levels as my day of liberation. My main preoccupation and priority in J2 was really just to mug, I told myself I could leave anything else to after A levels, although I know some things lost cannot be retrieved, but in the bigger picture, some things have to be sacrificed. I had a whole long mental list of things I wanted to do. Definitely my days of liberation are not as exciting as I had envisioned. It is hard and actually requires alot of liaising to do anything whether be it arranging for gatherings or attending classes, coz everything is not pre-arranged for you like in a school. And to accomplish all the things I want to do in these 8 months, requires effort, sheer discipline and time management. I am not kidding, especially if you work regular office hours. You could easily let your life slip into a routine where you wake up, go to work, come home, watch tv or use the pc for leisure, sleep. I actually have to deliberately make myself do something useful and meaningful everytime I come home from work whether be it exercise and reading substantial things, haha, bcoz the tv is quite tempting :p Especially when it concerns KBS World which my mum is a great fan of. Seriously, every show one after the other is gripping. Suddenly, I start to understand why office workers can lead such unhealthy lifestyles. Wow, and if you have children, all the more you lose control of your life coz after you come home from work, you have to spend time with your kids. So actually, school is much easier, haha :D Coz they got everything planned out for you! Now, you have to self-determine all your deadlines or risk not doing anything much at all for these 8 months!

As for the Taiwan trip, we wanted something simple this year coz my parents always lug my grandma along for our annual overseas trips. Firstly, I didn't want long trips coz I was thinking I may need to do uni and job applications. Secondly, after spending a bomb last year, I thought we should go easy on the money this year. Thirdly, we couldn't go cold places, initially thought of Korea, but scared the weather would be too cold for my grandma, so we dismissed the idea. My grandma is getting old, her knees are giving her alot of problems, especially after the torture she went through in Canada last year, haha. If I thought Canada's winter was unbearable, it should be much worse for an old lady. I think for a senior citizen, an overseas trip in their simple lives can actually be equivalent to project work or taking a major exam to us, it gives you some purpose. Really, my grandma will actually take months to prepare for a trip, tee hee - what to pack in the luggage, taking the luggage out from the store room, airing the luggage, going to the doctor to get the medication to bring overseas, etc. Haha, I will just rush pack one or two days before; even till the last minutes before we leave for the airport, I'm still madly trying to pack things x)

I liked the Taiwan trip :) If you ever want to go for a tour, go CTC, they are the best ^^ Seriously, what you pay is what you get. In Chan Brothers or other lesser known travel agencies, it can be cheap, but there are alot of free and easy times and other things which you have to pay seperately. Hm, but maybe not if you want free and easy lah. I think I liked the Taiwan trip even more than the US-Canada-Shanghai trip last year O.o The super long trip last year was not very well executed I should think, coz we went with Super Travels x.x Though it was still an experience to go to the big places. The tour leader barely explains anything! Which is one of the things I look forward to when I go overseas. Haha, normally when I go on tours, when the whole coach bus is sleeping, I'll be there just listening to the tour guide talk non-stop, although I do fall asleep sometimes lah. The bus journeys are uber long, sometimes amounting to 6 hours T.T Haha. He will play VCDs in the coach bus lah, but I'll be reading my GP stuff :D I will first observe the surroundings definitely, duh you don't pay money to fly overseas to read GP stuff in a coach bus right, but in Canada especially, the coach bus window is perpetually foggy no matter how I wipe the window, so I virtually can't see anything outside so I just read my notes lo. Eeyer, my myopia went up by 100 degrees at the end of J2 can, must have been the accumulation of all my bad reading habits. I really thought my myopia had stabilized, so I didn't care much about reading in moving vehicles, reading for long hours, or reading in dark places, bummer. The thing that was most memorable in the US trip last year was visiting prestigious universities like Harvard and MIT, hee and taking photos pretending I'm from there. It made me want to go US to study but I guess it made me feel that way too late? Coz I missed the Jan 09 SAT, I can't take the SAT before Jun bcoz it would be impossible if I were to prepare for bike hike at the same time, so my one and only chance was Jun, which was quite a bad SAT. From the ppl I asked, the Jun SAT wasn't very good. And I don't want to take the SAT near Prelims, or the SAT after As, coz seriously, I totally won't have xing4 zhi4 to study for SAT, and I don't think I can do well given so little time. So, bye bye US :( Cornell is my dream sch, coz it's on a mountain!! Haha, part of the reasons lah. Maybe I'll go there for Masters. So, now the only hope or rather the most plausible is UK. If not, NTU is my best local option :]

So yah, the Taiwan trip. It was simple and nice. Simple is nice :) I never met a tour guide who could talk so long. Haha, he even gave us lessons on what to do during a fire or an earthquake. And so coincidentally, we met with an earthquake that night! O.O I think it was 19 Dec? There was an earthquake at Hualian that measured 6.8 on the Richter scale at 9.02pm. Imagine I was at Hualian just the previous night. I just happened to be in Kaoshiung when the earthquake happened. Hm, it was a large earthquake in the sense that the whole of Taiwan was affected, maybe only tremors at the further regions. The eathquake at Taipei was 4 while the earthquake at Kaoshiung was only 2. Oh my gosh, ming4 da4 :D Happen to be in a area that is least affected. I remember at 9.02pm I was washing in my face in the toilet and was going to bathe when I suddenly felt very giddy. I thought it was just me feeling unwell so I didn't think much of it until my grandma (my roomie) shouted from outside that the ceiling lights were shaking. Then, I was like, shit! earthquake! I was like kai1 men2! Coz our tour guide was saying just earlier in the day that alot of dead bodies that are found after an earthquake are located near a door bcoz they want to escape from the building but are trapped behind a door that can't open, bcoz the earthquake will alter the structure of the building such that the upper floors will exert pressure on the door frame so that the door cannot be unledged from the door frame. Haha, let's see, I was in a hot spring at 9.02pm when I was in Hualian. Hahaha. You can imagine what it's like if I was in Hualian :D The earthquake had no fatalities. Earthquakes are common in Taiwan. There were just some casualties and an incident of an external water heater falling and crashing onto a car on the street. Then, yah lah, the news showed some places that were shaking like crazy. Some hotels had the chandliers swinging 360 degrees and all the things falling off the tables. The place where I was was quite safe. In a sense, I was lucky to be in a building so I could experience some shaking ^^ My dad was at a night market, so he was on the ground, and didn't even realize an earthquake happened until we told him when he got back. Ooh, one of my most favourite parts of the Taiwan trip was just sitting in front of the tv in the luxury of a hotel room, flipping through the channels and applying mosturizer, that's life can :) I watched quite alot of idol dramas :) If I got sick of one, I could just go to another channel and watch another idol drama. Sometimes Taiwanese idol dramas can be so exasperating, bcoz of the weak plots, Korean shows are different. Things happen, and even if they happen slowly, they happen beautifully. I still get hooked by reruns of huang2 zhen1 yi1, and IRIS seems quite interesting too. Oh, there is one thing about KBS World though, the first thing you notice about practically every actor and actress is a prominent nose, then for the girls, it's plus the big manga double eyelid eyes. So, it's like the plastic channel. Oh, which reminds me also, when I was in Taiwan, I felt like I couldn't differentiate the girls I saw on the streets coz they all dress in the same way, and put on makeup in the same way too -.- Hm, after J2, I don't follow shows anymore. It's more like I switch on the tv and just watch whatever is showing. Oh, my favourite show that I watched in Taiwan was this talkshow which discussed plastic sugery. They had parents on one side and youths and celebrities on the other side. And they just talked about why people should go for plastic sugery and why they should not for one hour. Quite interesting :) I don't think I'll do anything about my single eyelids or hidden double eyelids for that matter whether be it plastic sugery (my aunt did this) or the tape that ppl paste on their eyelids so that when they open their eyes it becomes double or you use this stick to press into your eyelids so you get double eyelids (my mum does this), people with single eyelids should be proud of their single eyelids! It's just perception of beauty & beauty trends lo. We must start this trend of having single eyelids! Haha. Oh, but the downside of hidden double eyelid is it's very hard to draw eyeliner, coz it'll be hidden, so have to draw an exceptionally thick line. IF (I emphasize on the word "if") I ever were to do plastic sugery, I will keep my features coz I don't want to look like everyone else and fit into this perceived mould of beauty, but maybe correct my facial asymmetry. Oh anyways, there were 2 other Hwachong girls in my tour group, Danitza from J1 HP, and Shao Ying from Val's class. Great affinity :) And I met Zhuo Xuan on the flight back to Singapore. Gosh, I met her again at Ion Orchard when I was there with Shi Hui. Speaking of Danitza, whoa, she's really hiong at all the theme park rides. Good thing she could stick to my brother who has similar passion coz I don't have much interest in thrilling rides. I don't see much point in taking rides that make me feel like my heart is going to drop out anytime. Which also explains why I don't watch horrow shows. What's the point of watching something that makes you become paranoid and have nightmares after that? I had a really bad experience sitting in a pirate ship when I was 6? Cried so hard, I think they had to stop the whole ride earlier xp Hee, my favourite ride at Tokyo Disneyland was a very simple and whimsical one - Pooh Hunny Hunt :) Coz simple is nice :) I look forward to the opening of Resorts World Sentosa!! I told my mum we should go there and book a night to support Singapore tourism, but now I'm thinking whether I can maximize my money or not since I can't take all those thriller rides which is precisely what Universal Studioes is banking on. Oh yea (sorry this post is so disjointed ><), the food at the Taiwan nightmarkets were unhealthy, aiyoh, ate them anyway then had breakout, bah. And chou4 dou4 fu3 taste just as bad as it smells, ewwww >( I didn't buy much clothes coz they were all winter stuff, I think I had more fun shopping at the factory outlet in US. Hm, Taiwan really has everything, that's true. Cosmopolitan city life, check. Beautiful countryside, check. Actually, any country with tall mountains are picturesque and it so happens that a mountain range runs from the north to the south of Taiwan in the middle. My tour guide was saying that in China the tour guides will often say that how beautiful the country is would depend on how the tour guide depicts it. But my tour guide was saying that the countryside scenery in Taiwan is so beautiful, he doesn't even need to say anything for you to think that it is; well said :) Hoho, another highlight of the Taiwan trip was taking SIA! Taking SIA is already an attraction itself :) I like the food, in-flight entertainment and friendly flight stewards :) But Changi airport was a disappointment. The baggage waiting time was soooooooooooooooooo looooooooong. That is so atypical for Singapore? No wonder we are no longer the best airport.

I will talk about work now. I started work the day right after prom :D I felt so drained out coz I slept so late the night before T.T Why the urgency to start work so early? My rationale is: jobs don't just drop down from the sky. By the time I'm ready to start work, I may not even have work and the company seemed like they wanted someone who could start asap, so I just said I could start work the day right after prom especially since the company actually accomodated my plans to go Taiwan halfway. I don't want my life to be aimless after 'A' levels, I like the feeling of always having something to do. I got the job through a series of fortuitous events :) The day A levels ended, Jun Cen being the nice mortal told Jolene about this job, but Jolene just signed a full time contract with a tuition centre so she can't take up a full time job, so she told me about the job, but unfortunately, the interview time was during oac festival of sports, and it's not ethical to skip fos to go for a job interview right, so I turned down the interview. I was quite sad. But it made me start to prepare the stuff I needed to scan to get jobs since my home has no printer or scanner coz no one bothers to get one after it spoilt. So, I brought my whole portfolio out on fos day with the intention of scanning them in the school library. I also brought my college u so I could enter the library. Then, during fos, Jun Cen was saying the interview can be postponed. Damn happy, so rushed down to the place right after fos. And so lucky for me, I could change into my college u, and I had my whole portfolio with me! It's like things just fell into place naturally. And I was hired I think about 1 hour after the interview. Don't know what Jun Cen did, since when interviews can be postponed for interviewees right. And he was really nice, dropping reminders like must be proactive during the interview, and after I got the job, he was like yao4 hao3 hao3 zuo4. Things which I forgot in the flurry of activities, coz it was just the day of A levels, and it was like right after fos, and I was still in a haste of preparing for prom, basically just haven't settled down and recollected my thoughts and feelings. Seriously, where to find this type of junior lah? But ha, come to think of it, he isn't exactly junior if you compare birthdates. So, after a month of work, I'm starting to like work, it's the same like adapting to a new environment when you go to a new school. It's not not about doing the things you like, but learning to like the things you do. At first, I found the admin work monotonous and repetitive, I found the environment stifling too coz I was the most junior there. But over time, I started to see how my work fit into the bigger picture and work made more sense and had more meaning for me, I could gradually move on to more things and be in control of the entire process, although there are still things which my colleagues help me to do, but they are gradually letting me do more. And the office environment felt less stifling after I started to let my guard down and just treat it like home in a good way. There was one encounter during work that touched me alot. I was supposed to go to the bank to check why a cheque rebounced, but being the girl who is really bad at directions (you know I can't navigate around places by intuition, I need to memorize the landmarks in the route from start to end, really! I took so long to get the route for bike hike even after cycling the route so many times, but I guess it wasn't enough times for me. But if you talk about the route of bus 153, I can close my eyes and know exactly where I am based on how the bus turns coz I have been on the bus nearly everyday for the past 6 years of my life! Hee, the first time I went to Marina Square myself, I actually got stuck in the mall for 30 mins bcoz I couldn't find an exit to go out, how stupid right, but I'm familiar with that mall now) I forgot how to go to the bank x.x I met a cleaner along the way and he very enthusiastically and earnestly brought me to the bank, it's like he took alot of pride in what he was doing and I was very moved by his friendliness :) I told Shi Hui I was covering for someone on maternity leave and she was saying she wonders how people can actually do such jobs for so long. Personally, I wouldn't want to do such a job for life. Then, I told her that the people in my department have been at this for a decade already. In society, someone has to do the job. Someone has to make sure the streets are clean, and not everyone gets to be say a lawyer? Haha, Juat was asking whether my office has males around my age, and I said I work in a place or rather nearly the entire office floor that I'm located is very female. The only males are the heads who are Caucasians. Hm, which makes me think why it is always the Caucasians who are the heads in hotels? The heads of Singapore hotels should be Singaporeans! More Singaporeans should take up courses to be heads in hotels, especially for Resorts World Sentosa! Quite wasted if all these opportunities go to foreigners right? Hee, my dream in Sec 3 was to be a hotelier, and I wanted to do tourism and hospitality. Then, my integrated humanities teacher was telling me over a meal in canteen one day that I shouldn't do such a specialized course, especially when this industry is so vulnerable. So, I decided to do business management, so at least my options are wider :] Business is really general. Which makes me a little worried sometimes, coz I'm thinking people like me with no speciazlied skills are like really vulnerable during downturns. My father is also concerned why I don't want to take a professional course and he keeps asking me: why not medicine? So, I'm now 70% business, 30% other possibilities depending on my A level grades. But actually, I cannot imagine myself doing one single thing for the rest of my life, and hence I want something that can give me some flexibility. K, maybe this degree has too much flexibility, it makes me insecure :p Ha, then my father said this minister (whose name I forgot) studied medicine and ended up working in ministry of finance. Aiyee, I don't know lah. My mum was saying what you study during uni doesn't exactly matter as long as you get that piece of paper. At the end of the day, it's about what you do after uni that matters. She said she doesn't recall herself using stuff she learnt from uni in her work now, coz uni just gives you the theories and is a place for you to stretch your mind, you just learn along the way while you work. Something which Li Fern said also yesterday at Shawnees jts :] So, my mum said just do what you are interested in lah, don't think so much, something which Val said too! I learnt a jin1 yu4 liang2 yan2 from Jas yesterday, sometimes it's not about the things that you fight to get in life, but rather it's about how you deal with what you already have :) That's something I will always remember. Oh! Some interesting observations I made at work! People at work don't grow up! Seeing office people rush home after work everyday, gives me the feeling of primary school children rushing home after school, no kidding! Hee, Christmases in offices are very elaborate and expensive affairs. And somehow in the office, if someone gives you a Christmas gift, you have to reciprocate with one too. K, the part about the office people who don't grow up was these group of ladies who kept taking photos with all their Christmas presents. And they were talking about taking photos at nice angles, etc. It felt so teenager. Haha. It's a good feeling to know that people don't actually grow old in their heart. I want to forever stay young at heart :) Ho, I received Christmas presents too! See picture below :)

Haha, but being most junior, I guess I don't need to reciprocate :p But I think I will get them something when I leave in April. Oh, and lunch breaks reminds me of recess. Some of my colleagues always have to buy something back to eat just that the things they buy are more expensive lah, like toastbox kopi, Auntie Anne pretzels and JCo donuts. Hee, I'm more tight with my money. Since office provides free food, I just eat what the office provides. Then, I bring my own snacks from home. You know after working, I start calculating my expenditure in terms of how much I earn in a day. Like when I bought two tops from Topshop, I was quite xin1 tong4 coz it's like 4/5 of what I earn in a day. Haha, that's how I feel when I spend money now. Zhuan4 qian2 bu4 rong2 yi4!

I only listen to English songs now coz of the environment I'm in. So, if you know of nice Chinese songs, please tell me, coz I won't know! Went to kbox on the last day of Prelims and A Levels singing all the songs from last time. My colleague who sits opposite me listens to Lush 91.3FM, my siblings listen to Power 98 FM, and when I happen to hear something nice, I'll ask my brother what song it is and that's how I know of new songs. We don't have Chinese MTV at home, only English MTV. And my neighbour blasts english and korean songs. Haha, you know, I always know where he's back from NS bcoz that's when the loud music begins plus the electric guitar plus the awfully out-of-tune singing :D I only remember there was only once when he sang reasonably in key. I used to be quite pissed off by him coz I study in the dining room that is directly opposite his room and noise disturbs me when I study. (I'm quite picky about where I study, I must be alone, the place must be bright, quiet, and spacious enough to put all my things. For a person my size, I take up alot of space when I study, haha. I like to lay out eveything nicely in front of me, I hate flipping x.x And looking for things here and there.) Hee hee, I would get my brother to shout "shut up" from upstairs or my brother would sing the ai4 theme song in a very broken and out-of-tune way by the window (haha :D) to get the neighbour to keep quiet. But now, the music doesn't really matter. Sometimes I find myself humming songs that I don't even know, then I realized it's the song which the neighbour has been blasting all night, lol. This is random, but I really love Angela Chang's voice :) It's amazing how wide her vocal range is and how she can hit all the high notes and still make her voice sound strong and stable. Normally, people's voice would become airy when they hit the high notes, I prefer powerful and strong voices :)

Oh, the weeks leading up to A levels was really eventful, first a mother rat gave birth at the backyard and our home was constantly raided by baby rats. Eek! The rats resided in a crevice at a wall behind my house, and the rats would actually come into the kitchen to steal food, so we sealed the kitchen by closing all the kitchen doors and windows, then they started coming into the dining room where I studied, then I had to seal the entire ground floor and study in a very stuffy place, that was the limit man!!! Then, k, this is not a nice thing, my neighbour's father passed away when he was only in his early 50s? I'm shocked and saddened by his sudden death but the funeral was in their house. That was the thing. You know what funerals are like right, alot of noise and bright lights. And the picture of the father was directly facing the dining room where I study :( So, for that whole week, it was grad day week, I stayed up till quite late in school to study instead. Then, my smart father decided to repair the house roofing 2 week before A levels?!? Man, imagine all the drilling noise, I was so upset with him k, the only saving grace was luckily I was constantly going for tuition those few days and yay, there was rain so no drilling and my father finally got people to seal all the crevices in the backyard, and there was a great big rain, and I never saw the rats again. Then, one week before A levels, the only laptop (no computer at home) crashed, it was like end of the world for me? Coz I still wanted to check Mrs Yap's math solutions and the venues for all my exams. Luckily my dad got the pc repaired the next day but that was not without tears. My father actually scolded me like why I still need to check things when it's one week before exams, I think he just doesn't understand how education is like now, and how IT based it is. Plus, all the exam stress building up to that mad crammed up 1st week of A levels, I just cried right there in front of him and he stopped and just got the pc repaired for me.

I thought Coco Avant Chanel was a really good movie that I watched on SIA. All the better that it's in French, makes it more artistic :) The movie is a biography of Coco Chanel played by Audrey Tautou. I never knew Coco Chanel was so inspirational. I think what strikes me most is her strong willed nature and her unwillingness to conform to social norms. She started off as a maid mending petticoats. She would sing at social functions but differentiated herself from the whores who frequented such parlours. One day, she & her sister ran off from the parlour and tried to strike a living with her sister as singers as they were fired by their boss over an argument. Coco Chanel always admired the rich - the status they enjoyed which she never had. But she didn't liked the way the women dressed. Their big garish hats covered their foreheads, eyes, nose & mouth. She didn't see the need for women to wear corsets and tight fitting gowns with their bust overspilling. Then, her sister found a baron who wanted to marry her. Of course, Coco felt betrayed and abandoned but she had to accept this as part of life. I mean, it's also not right for her to deny her sister from choosing a better life. It was more like losing a companion coz they were orphans. Mother died young. Father sold pots and pans and abandoned them in some orphanage. She waited for her father's visit every Sunday but he never came. She told herself that she would be nobody's wife coz a woman in love is helpless. Her mother married her father for love and cried for the rest of her life coz her father was always travelling around for long distances which I presume is to sell pots and pans? She called her mother a stupid woman. Coco would say, "Better to be a mistress than a wife." But her sister's chance to marry a baron and opportunity to see the bright lights of Paris (they live in the countryside) made her boldly tag along uninvited with a rich man to his home in the outskirts of Paris coz she was sick being poor and treated like a lesser being. To her disappointment, the rich man simply treated her like a whore and someone that could entertain. He also relegated her to be with the servants whenever he went for social functions. Nonetheless, he still found her pleasant company coz she was witty and dared to speak her mind. She was interesting but not his type. She was unshapely while he preferred volumptuous women. She was brash & headstrong while he preferred women who pandered to his needs. But one day, she met one of his business associates - a businessman from England. He took her out and was willing to show her off at social functions and he liked her for the way she was. The way she behaved, her character and her boyish dressing (her loose fitting monochrome clothes worn without a corset was unlike women of her time). She often asked the rich women whom she made hats & dresses for what love was while she was still living as a guest in the rich man's house. The rich women were friends of the rich man. But I think she found love with the rich man's business associate. She was even ready to marry him but everything crumbled when she found out that he was actually engaged to an Englishwoman whose father was a coal magnate. His engagement was simply for social convention and a chance to get an aristocratic name and be rich. Coco knew she once told herself that she would never get married bcoz of how her parent's marriage turned out, but when you love someone too much, you sometimes forget. The rich man whose house she lived in (I think the French ppl are really liberal, they can actually live in each other's home even if they are of different sex, be related on sexual terms and be still considered friends) suddenly offered to marry her and started treating her better when he found out about her intention to marry his business associate can no longer happen. He actually let her ride his prized horse. I think he realized that he liked this boyish and different girl after all when she announced that she will leave for the city in Paris to start a business designing hats that eventually became the famous fashion line that we know today. I think what I admired about her was how she didn't choose the easy way out. She could have easily married the rich man and lead a good life, but she chose to believe in herself, rely on herself to carve out a name for herself and be wealthy through her own means. She worked till the very last day she died in 1971 doing what she was always passionate about. She started a fashion revolution and made women's dressing more simplistic like the way it is today. Coco never married too. I want to be like Coco Chanel, her pride, her guts, and her strength, although sometimes I also forget.

Congratulations and thank you if you had the patience to read up till the end of this post coz I took about 4 hours to write this post. Normally if I write such long posts, it would be about a month before I write another so that I get my muse. Anyways, I'm really excited about CNY :)))) Although it's always the buildup to CNY that is more fun than the CNY itself. But I still like the idea of CNY, I find the mood very heartwarming, and it's also finally the first time I won't be studying on CNY le! Haha.

2009-12-27T01:16:00.004+08:00

Have been doing christmas cards for days, choosing the photos, developing them, drafting the messages (coz cannot afford to make mistakes on photo paper) and thinking of the overall design. I like the following picture! I call it my labour of love :)

And this is personally my favourite, definitely not bcoz of favouritism, I guess Val was just lucky, just suddenly had this streak of artistic genius :)

Merry Christmas to all! There was a phrase in a song we sang in church on christmas day mass and I thought it was a very important reminder. "Christmas isn't Christmas till it happens in your heart." Take the time to show gratitude to everyone who mattered!

2009-12-12T18:18:00.005+08:00

I saw this in Mav's blog and did the quiz for fun :) My first fun quiz for the whole year, just like how this is the first post for the whole year! Will post more substantial stuff next time.

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

(This is absolutely untrue. And I have no admirers too :p )

Your views on education:

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

2008-12-04T18:00:00.004+08:00

If We Hold On Together

Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith, hope & glory
Hold to the truth in your heart

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts, everyone

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and I

DAY 1/ 20 Nov 08

Siem Reap Airport is cool! It looks exactly like a Bintan resort bcoz everything's made of wood. Jetstar Asia is pretty ok :) Mainly bcoz it was a short haul flight, but it's still better than Air India. At least the air stewardesses don't scold you & the tables work. But I wished there was water though. According to some noticeboard we saw at the airport, we're supposed to drink 250ml of water for each hour of air travel, so you can imagine how dehydrated we were. My throat was pretty much spolit for most parts of the trip after that.

The pace of life in Cambodia is pretty slow & sedentary.

We ate breakfast at Town View Hotel. The hotel staff were making quite a whole hullabaloo just preparing breakfast. I thought breakfasts were quite simple & common things in hotels & yet they did it like it was something challenging they were doing for the first time. I think they don't do much planning to improve their efficiency bah.

Although Phnom Penh is ordered & neater, it is much plainer than New Delhi which has more character despite the mess.

DAY 2/ 21 Nov 08

Sleeping in the mosquito nets were pretty comfortable initially when we slept 2 to a net. Somehow I don't really mind roughing it out here. I keep telling myself this is much better than Pulau Ubin. Seriously! At least mosquitoes don't buzz around my ears, waiting to suck my blood at every possible moment. I recommend Thursday Plantation roll-on insect repellent :) It's made of natural ingredients, smells nice & most importantly, can repel insects :)

I don't have a Cambodian buddy yet :( You know when we arrived at UNACAS, the students would discuss among themselves then grab one of us to be their buddies, then they'll stick to you permanently for the rest of your stay. So nice right :) They'll make an effort to receive you at the entrance in the morn, give you little things & send you off to the gate at night. But at the moment when we first entered the orphanage & they were picking buddies just based on how we look without really knowing who we are really made me feel like we were goods on display for their pick.

The pri sch kids at UNACAS are generally physically very fit. They seriously outrun us in catching. I realized I should run lower to lower my CG to run faster. Played volleyball with the sec sch guys in UNACAS. Their setting & smashing damn zai3 lah! Their net is self-made, pieced together from measuring tape. They could even make a basketball hoop out of raw wooden planks & some rubber rope. Hm, the perfect epitome of making the best use of what you have :)

June, Eli & I taught Narong, 17, & Seiha, 16, advanced english for 3 hours straight. Narong became one of my buddies after that. Ha, it felt like real hardcore english tuition, it wasn't like teaching them songs, ABCs or simple words. We tried to invite them to play outside with the rest but they actually refused & wanted to continue studying O.O Amazing right? I was thinking, wow my 同类! :D

Narong is from high school which is equivalent to our JC. He's super hardworking! Most of the kids sleep at 9pm & rise at 5am. But he actually sleeps at 11pm & wakes up at 4am bcoz he wants to go through his lesson notes. Oh my gosh, I was quite surprised to find such ppl in a Cambodian orphanage. He's not very into sports though, he sings & plays the guitar instead, so sometimes the other boys call him gay. He can play & sing 老鼠爱大米 leh!!

Seiha is from sec sch but her English is pretty good :) Ooh, at first, Narong said Seiha was his sister. So, we thought he meant they were real siblings. After that, I realized he meant brothers & sisters in the sense that they were all God's children - UNACAS was a Christian orphanage. Bcoz afterwards, he told us that Seiha was his best sister & that he likes her! He said she would look after him when he's sick, buy chocolate biscuits for him to eat while he studies at night so he can stay awake. So nice right :) Heh, Seiha is damn funny, she would become very quiet & shy when Narong is around. Conversely, when Narong isn't around, she would be more proactive & spontaneous inlearning. Haha :D So cool! So cool! & Eli is uber slow, when we were trying to teach them the meaning of "pronounce", Eli actually gave the example," I now pronounce you husband & wife." Then, June & I had to try our best to stifle our laughter.

The experience taught me that everywhere we go, even when Cambodia is so different from Singapore, we still can find the sporty ppl, the mugger ppl & the talkative ppl, just that they exist in a different context. To me, this was quite a revelation.

DAY 3/ 22 Nov 08

We taught Narong in the morning again. He spent last night checking up the meaning of words he didn't undertstand in the worksheet for the next lesson. We learnt that he actually has a timetable 24/7 that he strictly abides to. Impressed :) He reminds me of Jia Hui, focused & motivated student :) We did questions like your next big purchase, your ambitions & what you're most worried about. & then he shared with us that he wanted to buy an ipod & desktop. He likes clothes in black & white. But all no money :( I guess that's why he wants to businessman in the future. Felt quite bad hearing all these bcoz in my home, I've free ipod nano & ipod shuffle that no one uses, wished I could give it to him. In fact, he also wants an alarm clock. He actually likes the sound of the alarm clock. You know things that we can get so easily & disregard can actually mean so much to someone else. You know Narong even said that when he goes to school & sees other children with their parents, he'll feel sad & sometimes angry. He was born on 15 Apr 91. He was sold away when he was young & his foster parents forced him to work in the fields such that he couldn't study. His foster mother even abused him, so he ran away from home. He only came to UNACAS at age 15. Was quite shocked, bcoz all the while I thought he grew up in the orphanage. At that moment, I didn't know what to say, I could only listen. I think being 17, he's more conscious of the situation he's in & more aware of how uncertain the future is. Studying to him is like the only thing he can count on to get a stable & reasonably good future. I guess that's why he's so motivated. They only get 300 rhiel for pocket money a day. US$1 = 4000 rhiel, so you can go do the math yourself. The money is only 意思意思, coz it can't even buy anything in sch, unless they save up, which is what they're encouraged to do in UNACAS. I wonder how orphans feel. I reckon there's a whole field of psychology behind orphans. I really hope God can protect these children, provide them with money for uni education coz that's what Narong is quite worried about & grant them new sponsorship as their current sponsorship is ending next year. I cannot imagine them without sponsorship when 他们已经在省吃俭用. & I guess having a religion like Christianity helps, bcoz it helps you have faith & hope even when you're in dire straits. It gives you a reason to keep looking forward to the better future God has in mind for you.

Found out Narong sings at church mass coz we saw the older kids practising for youth worship in the church hall in the evening.

Haha, Reaksa aka Candy is damn cute ^_^ She bears a striking semblance with the Candy Yong Tau Foo auntie can. Lol.

Harila also taught has a new method of folding hearts :) The UNACAS girls' origami skills also damn zai, they have so much variants for folding hearts & other types of origami.

Suddenly, Malysa became my buddy. She's 15. She just came over & tied a friendship band on my ankle. I only taught her for awhile with Narong & Seiha on our 1st lesson. But her Eng isn't very good, so she can't really understand the lesson half the time, so she went to play with the other kids after a while. Actually, sometimes I don't even think she understands what I'm saying when I talk to her normally. Heh, & sometimes I feel like I'm just her messenger to Jun Hong.

Ooh, we changed into 4 ppl to a net after the 1st night bcoz all of us had to squeeze into 2 tiny rooms which can't fit all the mozzie nets. My mozzie net mates were Jing Ying, Eli & June. Sleeping in mozzie nets with 4 ppl was quite a ritual. At first we tried vertical position, too squeezy. Then we tried horizontal position, then ppl like Jing Ying & I died bcoz our legs are long & cannot stay curled up for long. So, we finally settled on horizontal position with legs sticking into the teachers' nets. Haha, & every night, the kiasu June must spray every corner of the net with mozzie repellent until the entire net chokes of deet. Lol. But I actually liked the experience of staying in the mozzie net than the hotel room bcoz I think this whole night time ritual helped to bond us together.

DAY 4/ 23 Nov 08

Today, we visited the killing fields & prison museum. I feel that war is actually a part & parcel of every human civilization. When man & man come together, there's bound to be some conflict of interest, just that it gets blown out of proportion in war. This is when we should try to rise above these & hold onto our moral values & principles.

I never knew Cambodia was so devastated by war. I knew it had a war, but I never knew it went to such great extremes. It can likened to the senseless German holocaust. People hear about the Vietnam War but little is known about the tragic war history in Cambodia - how Cambodia was caught in the strife between N.Viet & S.Viet & how it eventually culminated in the Khmer Rogue during the Polpot regime. I can't imagine this war happening in the 1970s when S'pore was actually rebuilding itself, when my mum was growing up as a normal teenager. Somehow I've the impression that all really bad wars ended with the end of WW2, guess I was wrong. I think these lessons from war tell us that war is never a soloution to problems & is the last thing any leader should consider doing.

But on a brighter note, it's amazing how Cambodia aka Kampuchea aka Cambodge has managed to pick itself up so fast in around 20 years to develop into what they're today. Many developments are in place as can be seen by the construction of economic zones, offices, housing & malls in the town area.

Today, I got hit back to reality when I checked h3 results online & found out that I didn't get into bio h3. It also reminded me of the unhappy things that I managed to forget while I was in UNACAS.

One life is all we've got. It is important to do what we want to do, work hard & forge ahead.

DAY 6/ 25 Nov 08

Today, Narong showed us his photos & letters from his previous buddies & haha, actually he's quite 帅 larh :) I wonder how he got hold of his baby photos since his real parents sold him away to another when he was young. Hm, much less know his birthday.

I made new friends today! Obeya! June & Eli's buddy. June & Obeya damn cool can, they're both born on 6 Jun, so fated :) Hahaha, & Candy is damn cute!! She calls Louis "Loo-Fee". Hehe. She actually tried to scam me that she ate blu-tack. I also met Chandry & Chakriya. Chandry has straighter hair. Chakriya has curlier hair, very outgoing & friendly. She's keeps insisting that my name is "Choo-Fee" :p Not forgetting Soben too. She's another one of those good students :) She has a real sister in the orphanage, called Samai. They don't look alike though.

After interviewing Mr Sela, director of UNACAS, & other volunteers like Vituk, Vita, Rithy& Sarah, I realized what a wholesome & holistic place UNACAS was bcoz UNACAS teaches the students to grow up into responsible & good citizens who are grateful & reciprocative of what UNACAS has done for them. Vituk, Vita & Rithy were actually children from UNACAS, they continue going back to serve the children, as translators, counsellors, etc. Sarah is from YMCA Cambodia. She was initially averse to the children in UNACAS, but her husband urged her to give herself a chance to understand the children. After coming to know the background of each of the children & interacting with them for a long time, she grew to like them. She's formed such a bond with them that the children call her mum & her husband has kindly agreed to let her stay in the orphanage. She only has plans to have her children about 3 years later. UNACAS has a monthly expenditure of US$6000. They have a farm of their own but it can only raise US$500 monthly. So, UNACAS still mainly relies on sponsorships & donations from the public. You know the stats kind of shocked me. US$6000 to support all 100 plus children & workers while back in Singapore US$6000 is used to support only the 6 ppl in my family. I think maybe you can see the contrast in living standards now.

Eli mentioned that maybe the UNACAS children are lucky bcoz they get to meet ppl from all over the world. It's like the visitors like us are their windows to the world. Probably something not many of the normal Cambodian kids get to experience. I guess at the orphanage the bad thing is you have to 靠别人的施舍, guess there's some insecurity attached to that. It's different in your own family when everything is rightfully yours. The feeling's different.

"Being popular & the life of the party is all & nothing at the same time. It's like you go home & realize none of it was real." - some random quote from 8days

DAY 8 & 9/ 29 & 30 Nov 08

Boo, I'm writing this at 1am & I want to sleep x.x But I shall write while I wait for my hair to dry. Haix, miss Phnom Penh's Central Mkt :( Wonder how Val did it. I hardly bought anything in Cambodia. & everything in Siem Reap now are all the artsy fartsy stuff that are not very practical. Luckily Jing Ying is my roomie, she's damn good at bargaining :p She says haggling is like putting up an act & going with the flow. Words of a pro...

After exiting Kampong Cham province & on our way to Kampong Thom province, we saw padi fields after padi fields. Basically, there's one straight road that goes on forever for 5h by bus, flanked by padi fields on both sides. There were sporadic houses on stilts along the way. I think they are their own little community with schools & health centres. I wonder what it's like to live like them, seeing ppl travelling from Phnom Penh to Siem Reap & vice versa while staying rooted at the same spot. It's like seeing the whole world moving before eyes while not changing where you are at all.

By the way, the schools all look the same. An entrance, low buildings on 3 sides & a courtyard in the middle. We visited some random high school today & it looked eerily like the prison museum we visited in Phnom Penh, bcoz they converted the high school into a prison & torture cell. The schools haven't changed from the 1920s up till now. Wow. They're that old.

Today, was our last day at UNACAS, cried very hard when Rithy & Narong sang us "Goodbye My Friend" song. I guess those kindgarten kids kind of understood what the song meant & realized what was happening & cried too. It's quite saddening to see little children cry. It made us cry even more. On the last day, Narong passed me a letter from Seiha. Seiha actually wrote a personal letter to me while I didn't. I just gave her a short note. I always felt that she doesn't really talk to me so I didn't really see a need to write a personal letter to her. It made me realize how sometimes we fail to see the people who actually wanted our presence. It made me feel that I had sort of neglected her. But I'm glad I managed to talk to her sometimes, like how to fold stars, what she normally does & what she wants to be next time. Peter, who's 18 & whom I don't really know, wrote me a letter that I couldn't understand bcoz of the bad grammar & spelling. But his letter made me feel funny. It felt like the type of letter Malysa wrote to Jun Hong o.O Boo, oh well.

Impressions change over time. We should learn to give people a chance.

DAY 12/ 1 Dec 08

We found out today that last year's OCIP Cambodia helped pave a road outside the Boys Brigade Learning Centre in Siem Reap. The village children can attend lessons at the BBLC for a nominal fee. Hm, I felt lucky that I went to UNACAS in Phnom Penh instead. It's warmer & homelier, I guess. In UNACAS, you get buddies, form deep attachments with the place & the children.

DAY 13/ 2 Dec 08

Oh my gosh, I'm actually excited to go back home to meet my family & friends & do my work. Not that I didn't like trip. I made quite a few good friends & friends here & was able to see the fun side of the teachers. I found this trip really enjoyable & eye-opening although it came with some hardwork since it's a service learning trip. Quite funny for me to feel this way bcoz I'm normally very reluctant to go back to S'pore. I think this trip really fulfilled my objective of breaking my normal routine coz I wanted more variety inlife. Don't know whether feeling this way is good or bad. Ha, maybe service learning helped me realize the preciousness of the bonds I share with my family & friends. & maybe I feel that I no longer have anything that I want to avoid in my life in S'pore anymore. Good job girl :)

Click HERE to see the photostory of trip :)

2008-10-31T01:16:00.009+08:00

Hello, it's been so long since I came here, I'm lost for words. I had a lot to say, but facing the computer, I'm not even sure whether it's worth my time to write about those unhappy things. I think introspection at this point of time won't do me any good, I had too much of it today.

Let's talk about happier things first :)

Firstly, Eleanor, Juat & Shi Hui helped me make an interesting discovery - Settler's Cafe. It actually felt like the new KBox. I actually felt quite apprehensive when I first went to the place. I mean who pays $6 to play some used board games & drink peach tea? Ha, but it turned out to be much more fun than I had expected. I actually didn't feel like leaving, lol. You can brush up on business acumen when you play the auction game & I love playing the board games that test how much you understand your friends or find out what your friends think about you. Can learn so much more about your friends :) Next time, we should have more outings to Settler's Cafe!

Secondly, I went to GV Gold Class Cinema for free! Heather happened to have free tix & she invited me to watch Mamma Mia! It was damn cool! It was like flying business class in SIA! They serve you drinks in glasses, they serve wine too, provided you pay lah duh. Oh my gosh, the seats are so spacious & come with leg rests & blankets.

A society is made up of a leader who decides on the components that are needed to build up a successful community. If academic skills are valued by society, then those who are academically inclined will be better off as long as they have scraped past the acceptable standard of character. When what you're good at is valued, you exploit the opportunity & get ahead of the rest. Society just works like that. Haha, I think if society values patience, I think I would be far far ahead already :D My Dad also said that it's only what I think when I say that they don't put in much effort. He said they had put in so much effort in the past & built up such a good foundation, they can now achieve things easily with little effort. I agree to a certain [sorry, can't decide] extent but I still believe some of it's got to do with inborn talent. It's just like how some people can get into a groove of a dance so easily while some can't even get the rhythm right. So, you just got to put in double, triple, quadruple the effort to attain the same results. Then, I replied, so you mean I've been lagging all my life? Then, my Dad said, you're a constant worker but sometimes you think you're studying when actually you're not. & no doubt about it, all success comes with discipline & grind & it's also about putting in effort at the right time. 这种东西要看天适地利人和.

Haha, I'm still finding a way to study smart & be more exam smart, because I think that's what I'm lacking coz if you ask me to sit down & study, I'll have the patience to go through every single thing until I'm done. Hm, & I guess time management, must increase my absorption rate. Take too long to absorb & digest things x( I must thank Jia Hui & Jolene alot :) Jia Hui is damn smart lah, she puts in alot of effort, & she's so nice :) One day, I was complaining to her how I study but still get lousy results then she questioned me whether I was studying hard enough & that I must clarify questions as soon I as they appear, in short to be completely immersed in a thinking atmosphere. She kind of 促使我 to put in constant effort. Then for Jolene, the way I hear how she studies scares me x.x She stays up all the way up to 4, 5am just to study & she actually considers 1am early x.x So, sometimes when I'm studying & I feel quite sian, I'll imagine that Jolene is in front of me mugging furiously & I'll be like telling myself "Why are you slacking? Continue studying! Don't bluff yourself that you're tired!" Really! Haha :D

& I didn't make much improvement for GP lah, contrary to what Mrs Tan claimed. Bcoz my promo grades & blocks grade differed only by one mark, you call that improvement? It's probably bcoz of the impression she gets when she interacts with me in class bah. I was actually quite disappointed for GP bcoz I thought I was starting to get the 窍门 for GP due to term 3 CA results, then I got penalized quite considerably for bad handwriting in promos, so stupid x.x As in they will circle all my "illegible" [ok, the teachers are forgiven, coz even personally as the writer, I have difficulty reading it again, lol] words & put question marks all over the place. Aiyee, 我怕了x.x 我励志养成好笔记! Ha, you know I was so scared I'll get penalized in Bio too, thankfully I was not. Math was equally dumb too, ok I shall now declare to the whole word that I got E for promos, & I feel so ashamed of myself, & so 对不起 Mr Loo, coz it's so lousy. It's so dumb lah, I don't know what's wrong with my bladder, probably got to do with some urinary tract infection I had when I was a baby, my urge to pee is incessantly frequent. It's like one hour after the start of Math, then I was like "Shit! Need to go toilet!" So, I was like 一边忍着，一边做着试卷. Bad experience x.x So, I learned from my experience & barred myself from drinking water 1h before the start of Bio paper, bcoz if I drink water later than that, even if I go to the toilet before the paper, I'll still have the urge to pee. Ha, but actually sometimes I think this is psychological. But, oh wells, better safe than sorry, heh. & Zhen Rui, I can't draw kinetics graphs too, I always get the gradients wrong x.x

Juatty sent me a random chain sms, thought it was rather meaningful, shared it with Jolynn too. It answers alot of problems that you encounter in life. It's as follows:

人在成长的过程中
难免遇到挫折
懂得保护自己
也要懂得爱自己
生命的乐章
看你如何去谱写
躲避不一定躲得过
面对不一定最难受
得到不一定能长久
失去不一定不再有
转身不一定最软弱
别急着说别无选择
别以为世上只有对与错
许多事情的答案都不只一个
所以我们永远有路可以走
你能找到理由难过
也一定能找到快乐
懂得放心的人找到轻松
懂得遗忘的人找到自由
懂得关怀的人找到朋友

Haha, whirlwind JC1 life was crazy yet the experiences so rich, I wouldn't give it up for anything else, eventhough some of it were painful, it helped me to grow as a person. Life was also alot more liveable bcoz of good friends who bothered to hear my grouses, coz even people who put up a strong front need a listening ear & a hug sometimes.

You know, now when I look at you, I feel sorry that you're such a person. It's actually the first time I feel glad for losing someone. Thanks for doing this to me because you helped me 看透了你的为人 & 彻彻底底地放弃. The End.

2008-07-19T01:27:00.001+08:00

When I came home one day last week, I found my house in a state of destruction. My dad was talking about redoing the garden bcoz all the plants were dying & ostensibly, this is bad fengshui. My mum said if things outside the house are dying, it means that things inside the house are probably breaking down as well. Lol, no wonder my comp monitor died, the printer ran out of ink, the TV remote control spoilt & the fan gave way. Haha :D Anyways, that day, I came home from school feeling uber groggy bcoz I was sleeping in the bus. Then, when I stepped into the house, I found half of the palm trees in my garden chopped away leaving only the stumps. I was like... what?!?! 这是我的家吗? It was like deforestation in progress. Then, there were like construction stuff all over the place bcoz my dad decided to renovate the exterior of the house. I went to take my camera to capture this whole scene of... destruction. While retrieving the camera from upstairs, I noticed a reflection in the window in the last room. It was a reflection of the sunset. I stuck my head out of the window & I was like... oh my gosh. 超美!

This is the picture of state of destruction. I tried to focus on the dead branches of the plant to emphasize death. Hm, but it didn't look as destroyed as I wanted it to be.

This is the picture of the sunset! Oh my gosh! 超美! 超美! I can't believe I actually took this picture. I like how the rich amber sky, the glowing blue cross and the silhouette of the houses come together. You can actually see Bishan behind the church building. I think I've photography talent can :D

While my original intention was to capture the derelict and decrepit state of my house, I ended up finding a picture perfect moment. You know the moment I took the photo of the sunset, I felt that it was my AHA moment. Lol, bcoz the PW teacher during WR lecture that same day kept talking about AHA moments. It made me realize that sometimes when we work towards something we want, we find other things along the way that might mean even more than the original destination itself. It's like when you have a problem in life, the friendships forged with the people whom you confide in might ultimately matter more than what you were troubled with in the first place. Don't know... just found alot of parallels of that theory in my life.

Anyways, some of us played volleyball for PT. Playing volleyball is 超爽! I somehow like sports where we can hit things back rhythmically. Ha, I like the sweet spot sound when we hit the ball in tennis :) K, as I was saying, we were playing volleyball. You know the volleyball session we had during PT was the first time I felt I learnt the most about playing volleyball? It couldn't even compare to the 3 months of volleyball PE in Nanyang. I learnt how to serve, like really serve well. & standing behind to run forward to get the ball & controlling the direction where the ball went. It was fun playing volleyball :)

Yes, & I played tennis with Jolene for PE. Similarly, the less than 1 hour I spent playing tennis with Jolene was the first time I felt I learnt the most about playing tennis. I kept saying sorry bcoz I kept hitting the ball too far, in the wrong direction and out of the tennis court :X But I actually felt that I was getting the hang of it towards the end. Thank you Jolene :)

I feel very physically active now. You know after playing volleyball, I went home & found that the tanline on arm is more stark now & the best thing was, I think my arm got more muscular! Hahahaha :D On Thu, I was really 全身酸痛. See, this is the result of long periods of physical inacitivity @_@ Arm ache, shoulder ache, back ache, leg ache. Even holding pen to practise for math assignment felt 辛苦. But! These are all good signs :) Coz it's muscle building in progress!

By the way, my tummy fat is no longer an illusion, it's a reality :X My gosh. Last time in Nanyang, we used to jog every PE and every week for PT in SJ. But now... Plus, mugging for blocks made it worse. Pui! Tummy fat :/ Luckily OAC is starting to be more active.

Oh! & good news good news! I've reached my dream height of 1.7m! :) 7 is such a nice perfect number :)

I like my PW group! :) I think the whole fundraising thing helped bond our group together. That time when we were at the ACRES Wildlife Rescue Centre, I said that our group spends most of our time walking than anything else. Haha :D Coz everytime we down to ACRES, we've to walk down & go back out by that long ulu isolated road. But recently, we discovered the free Qian Hu Fish Farm shuttle bus :D

Sometimes I think that technology instead of faciliating human interaction, acts as a barrier from human contact. I'm somehow against mp3 players. I feel that when you're in an environment, you should appreciate the sounds in your surrounding, rather than blasting music that drowns out the outside world. & besides, it spoils your ears :p & I feel that focusing all your attention on your handphone when there are actually ppl in front of you is like an excuse from really interacting with the person. That time, Eleanor, Juat, Shi Hui & I went to town after Chi paper & we were all busy replying smses, then Eleanor was like saying we're all taken over by technology.

Promos is coming in 9 weeks time. I don't think I'll come here anymore in the meanwhile.

Some things in life have no answer. The only solution is to forget and move on.

2008-06-06T00:57:00.001+08:00

这就走了？
时间不留人，该走的总得走。

在我的印象中，仿佛有一种朦胧的什么。然而大家从没有承诺过什么，既无言，也未曾示意。只好任它随着时间的流逝而消杳无踪。

人的一次来回踱步，想要准确到一厘不差地回到原地，本来就不太可能；何况人生的变化！

我们似乎没有很多话说，也许，该说的都已经说完了。也许，要说的也不知道应该怎么说。

再见。

---《别离的故事》摘录

2008-06-03T19:40:00.000+08:00

It seems like every event in OAC helps me to discover something new.

Bike Hike was really interesting! We cycled from ECP down a bridge that overlooked the Marina Bay skyline. Ha, I couldn't help thinking whether Juat will always think of that day whenever she sees the Singapore Flyer. Then, we went to 老巴刹 & I shared Honeydew Sago with Sharlene :) We then cycled past Chinatown area & ended up at Buona Vista. Cycled upslope past Biopolis & had initial D all the way down the meandering downslope. Damn cool! At some parts down the slope, it got quite dark & I just had to rely on the bike lights in front me. Wenqing was like "you don't need to pedal for the next 5 min le". We quite zai :D We overtook 2 groups, but actually we overtook them bcoz they had gear problems.

Afterwhich, we went into Clementi & had stopover at KAP. I thought the break was rather damaging bcoz it made me feel like resting for good & not cycle anymore le. & bcoz we didn't do any warm-ups & the moment we continued cycling, we went upslope almost immediately, my thighs started to have this very strange feeling. It's like each time I step down on the pedal, I can feel my muscles grating past each other. At first, I didn't think much of it, just continued cycling. Then, my muscles just froze. Oh my gosh, it was like the first time in my life I was experiencing leg cramp. I couldn't even get off the bike by myself lah. I tried to apply whatever first aid knowledge I learnt on myself. Stretch. Massage. Apply analgesic balm. At that time, Liping said we only cycled 20km. I was like what!?!? How am I going to finish bike hike when my legs are like this? Then, continued cycling when my thighs felt better. But didn't really dare to cycle fast bcoz I was quite scared I would get back my leg cramp. Felt quite bad x( Bcoz I made everyone wait for me :( The external cycler in my group was like trying to cheer me up. He was like "你爱唱周杰伦的歌吗？" Then, he asked me to sing. Then, I was like "没有气啦!"Finally, caught with the rest of my group in front then Andy cycled behind with me for a while. We attempted screaming & singing random songs. Don't understand why Andy likes to sing high pitched songs. Damn funny. Haha :D After that, I realized that even though singing is 费力气, it helped to keep my spirits up. I'd sing whenever I felt sian (characterized when I start pedaling slowly even when my leg is no longer cramping) or when I felt like falling asleep. Quite a nice feeling & I didn't care whether people behind could hear me :) We cycled through Mandai area with the "imba slopes". Actually, the road in Mandai can be described as undulating. What goes up must come down.

Cycled past Woodlands, Yishun then finally reached Ang Mo Kio at 4.30pm. Which meant we could make it for the full 95km :) If we didn't reach there in time, we'll need to take the 75km route instead. Then, we went Hougang & cycled down Old Tampines Rd. We saw strange UFO like structures. I couldn't tell what it was, could just see its silhouette. Cycling down slope is damn 爽 :) & it's the one of the few times I can keep up with the front people. I just stand on the pedals & slant my whole body forward & the bike will just zoom forward by itself, don't need to use leg power at all :)

Cycled past IKEA Tampines & reached Pasir Ris. Saw the people from the adidas ultra marathon. Then, a heavy downpour started & we took shelter at a bus-stop. Weimin said it's not that good to sleep coz you'll feel like sleeing again when you cycle, so I decided not to. My whole group knocked out though. Ended up calling Juat & Zhen Rui. Apparently, their whole group was quite awake, coz they sat lorry mah! Haha, k no lah :) The funny thing was I can cycle until I get leg cramps, I can also talk on the phone until I get face cramps. Haha :D Then, after that, their group started cycling so I entertained myself by playing 4 Minutes. 4 Minutes is a nice song :) Andy agrees. Actually, it's more of a dance song, the rhythm very strong.

We continued cycling when the rain got lighter. But seriously, rain plus physcial exhaustion is quite a bad combination for cycling. By the time we reached Changi Village, the sun already rose, but I was quite drenched, as in my insides were drenched. My hp & cam got wet too :(

Afterwhich, the journey from Changi Village back to ECP was just 平地. Cycling on 平地 was surprisingly taxing. My dad said that usually the flat terrain part is what differentiates the better cyclers from the mediocre ones. On flat ground, everything is purely leg power & you must keep up to a rhythm. Think it's something like running long distance. Unfortunately, my leg cramps started acting up again, so my rhythm was rather slow :/ You know there are some cycle paths in ECP that are wide & the trees would arch over the pathway forming an inverted U? Damn pretty :) It's like those type of 韩剧风景 :)

Shi Huan was always cycling in front but he started to lag because of leg cramp, so ended up cycling past the 飞机 take off place together. So cool, could hear the loud roar when planes take off. Then, finally reached Macs! :)

Ha, bike hike allowed me to understand more about the brakes & gears [ok, I know I'm noob]. One brake controls the back wheel, so it brakes more slowly. The other brake controls the front wheel, so it brakes more quickly, your bike might flip forward if you're cycling very fast. High gear more 吃力 but takes bigger strides. Low gear less 吃力 but takes smaller strides. So, that's why we use high gear on 平地 & downslopes & low gear for upslopes.

Actually, bike hike was supposed to be a reflective journey but ended up concentrating too much on cycling to think of anything else. Lol. Next year's bike hike should factor in time to take photos at places with 好风景 & should time it to see a sunrise somewhere :)

Just because you don't know something exists doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

2008-05-10T11:20:00.000+08:00

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask
How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"Hi"

You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

I think I've started to settle in quite comfortably in JC. However, the thing about JC is that you form a lot of relationships, but most of them are not deep. & you should already have a good idea of what you stand for, bcoz you no longer have the people who define you for who you are around all the time. That time Juat & Eleanor accompanied me back to NY to collect HCL cert & then when we walked back to college, I actually felt more familiar with the college surroundings. Already got used to the fact that life zooms past, that life is constantly on the move, that there is no proper place to mug... & that you can't have your emotionally close friends around you most of the time.

I feel there is a difference between physically and emotionally close friends. Physically close friends are always around, they spend time together & can be good friends too. Emotionally close friends can connect on a deeper level, & even if they don't see each other for some time, they can connect once they start talking, it's like you've known that person for a very long time. There are times when I'd momentarily lapse into the miss-my-good-friends mode, especially when I feel alone even when I'm among a group of people.

Speaking about no proper place to mug, I used to sit at the back of the classroom since sec 3. Haha, I had the corner of the back bench & side bench to myself :) Dump all my things there. Dry my sweat drenched clothes, put my takeaway food... ha, so my desk is empty & nice :) Then, when school ends, most people go home or go for cca, but I stay in class & have the whole classroom to myself! Use the class pc to settle admin stuff, mug, then slowly sort my things & pack my bag before I finally decide to go home before peak hour. Sometimes Flo would be around too, & on free days, we would blast music from the class pc & hide behind the pc to eat. So 幸福 right :)

Ha, show you the horrid state of my table at home.

Rotten lifestyle. Couldn't stand it anymore & got it cleaned up on Labour Day. Sorry no after pics to show :D

Oh ya, there was one day when Juat, Eleanor and I went on this 拍美景 tour around the school. & I took a photo of a pole with many wooden arrow signposts on it. The angle is quite nice :) & the photo represents 转捩点. Yay, Juat sent me the pic already. Here it is :)

I took that pic because I feel that JC is like a 人生转捩点. 4 months out of the 2 years have already passed. So little time & so many things to do. I don't want to leave this school feeling like I haven't achieved much. I don't want to regret bcoz I didn't have the conviction to try

Speaking of 拍美景, I tried to take a pic of the day view & the night view of my neighbourhood from my parents' bedroom window. Quite pro-looking :)

I have also been doing some baking. Here are the brownies which I baked with my aunt's help for our PW's SL fundrasing project. Tried distributing it to as many people as possible but Charlton actually said I was campaigning :p Anyway, must 多多光顾 k! Because after all, it's for charity :) For ACRES & the Singapore Zoo specifically, wildlife conservation :)

----

不明白，不懂得。起码我知道我尝试过。人徘徊太久，心会感到疲惫。最终，只被麻木的逞强所取代。惋惜~

2008-03-16T17:43:00.000+08:00

I seriously need to clear ALOT of homework now but I shall blog anyway, as a closing to YLTC, since it has taken up the past one month of my life.

OAC made me understand the feeling of exercising till you cry. While we were clearing group counts on the last pre camp session before meet ex, our group did static pose while waiting for each person to frog jump for our last acitivity. Static pose was really killer, must train up on ab & arm muscle so I can do it properly next time. For the frog jump part, instructor Weimin was doing it with me, it's like 一边跳, 一边哭. It's like your leg is cramping so much & you 死硬 contiune jumping. Don't know why I felt so weak that day, maybe too tired, too hungry.

For YLTC, somehow the activities we did was not as painful as the time we cleared group counts. It is more physically demanding than sj camps in the sense that the physical exertion is a long drawn out one. As for the discipline part, still think sj camp is stricter. I hope it still is. 很久没有回去看看, don't really know what state sj is in. Actually quite worried, coz my standard can only just make it for this camp, then if my juniors join this type of cca next time don't know whether they can cope or not. For now in OAC, only Zijia and I & Debbie from St Nic's are from sj. YLTC was interesting in the sense that you only can survive with limited group commodities & ha, didn't manage to shampoo my hair, wash myself with soap - not even rinsing myself with water so had floor water & sea water & sweat all stuck on me, brush my teeth, comb my hair with a comb for the whole camp, wow :)

To me, the highlight of the camp was meal times! I love 笑眯眯! 笑眯眯 rocks lah. I don't why my groups' seniors detest 笑眯眯 so much. The food tastes so good everyday :) Even helped to eat other people's food. Think my appetite turned humongous after the camp. Must start to moderate myself again, lest I get back my stomach disease. Sometimes I wonder whether things would have been better if I didn't miss the 2 days of orientation with my CT bcoz of my illness... Anyway, my dad was in Hwa Chong OAC last time, he said he was from Comanches & that he 瘦下来 after the camp. Yah, so afraid that I would become thinner, I just kept eating, & we also need food for energy :)

The most memorable time was kayaking. Hoxy and I were double kayaking when we crashed into Andy & made him capsize. I think he even hit his head on the bow of our kayak before he went underwater. Ha, we felt quite bad after that eventhough he said it's fun that he gets to capsize in real life. We didn't really learn rescue drill then so we were a little 束手无策. I think Yu Rong rescued him in the end. You know I actually thought learning rescue drill was just a routine procedure, never really thought it could happen in a real life scenario. Started to take kayaking more seriously after that. And, because we were trying to rescue Andy who was from another group, our group ended up kayaking away without us. While making our way back to our group's destination, there was one point when it was raining so heavily, the rainwater was hurting our eyes, & the current was so strong, & the worst thing was we didn't see any kayak in sight. We kept banging into the bridge & I seriously reckoned we might just capsize & be left to flounder alone in the river. Ha, & we were desperately trying to make the sharp turn back into the jetty but the current kept pushing us back. It really felt like kayaking not for a skill but kayaking to keep our lives. Think Hoxy was quite 倒霉 to have me as her partner, coz I can't control direction, but going through a life-and-death situation together is fun. For the 2nd day, we wisened up a little & did sea expedition with our caps so our eyes won't hurt if it rains. Was using single kayak & I was lagging behind for most parts of the expedition largely because I can't control the direction, kept kayaking s shape. I was literally scolding the paddle lah. Seniors kept saying "jia you, I know you can do it!" Finally reached Singapore Flyer :) Actually it doesn't look that tall, how is it possible that it can overlook Singapore? Ha, Li Fern actually didn't know we were kayaking to see Singapore Flyer coz she was concentrating so hard on kayaking, she didn't look up at all :p I finally got the hang of kayaking straight after we turned back from Singapore Flyer. The trick is not to concentrate on your strokes but on the bow & your destaintion. Imagine there is a straight line between the bow of your kayak & the destination, then paddle naturally, something like 靠感觉, to make sure you maintain that straight line. Was quite 感动 when I got to see the front people I didn't see at the start of the expedition, it's like wahh, finally managed to catch up with you all. Like, oh man, I can kayak after all.

Land expedition let me realize that the songs that I know are quite backward xp Very long never update myself with new music le.

Think the Shawnees grand ex-es quite imba. Feel quite 逊色 to them in comparison. They were like saying how Shawnees got best spirited group for the past 2 years, but at the moment when they said it, I just know we couldn't, I mean it was like the last night already. Must really 加把劲 in the future to keep the tradition. Aaron/ Qi Han was chief instructor. Han Yuan (?) was assistant chief instructor. Eric/ Jun Jie was treasurer. All from exco one. Wow. Li Fern & I were saying how much Han Yuan looks like Jiin Shiuan. For one moment, I really thought she was Jiin Shiuan. & Jiin Shiuan was from Shawnees too! 太巧了. I can imagine how pro she would be if she was still in OAC but too bad she isn't in OAC le.

Group members: Wei Ming - random 黄城 person. Han Wen - sings 红蜻蜓 in a very communist way. Wei Chang - the pro scouts person, help us with all the knots tying & map reading stuff. Yi Ding - who always says gg liao. Eileen - the zi high person. Hoxy - the talkative person, good need such people around, reminds me of Konge. Jasmine - also very random & keeps talking about her anime stuff. Li Fern - my group buddy :)
Group instructors: Jacky/ Zheng Yu, Junice/ Ying Hui
Rovers: Rachel/ Yiling, Yu Feng, Weimin
Ex-es: Luo Jia Min, Shi Xian, Liyi, Guan Hui
One Shawnees :)

Happy Belated Juat! :) Don't understand why she doesn't want us to sing bday song for her.

All in all, YLTC was a good experience :) Sometimes you realize the things you can do only when you push youself to the limit.

I haven't heard my real voice for a uber long time already :( So sad, can't sing, can't cheer. Throat infection go away...

不想懂得
张韶涵

当世界不知不觉的变了
有时候我怀念以前的我
作的梦虽然远远的
想像是一种快乐
拥有了同时也失去什么
而眷恋原来会带来软弱
你让我在雾里成熟心开始曲折
我不想舍得不想懂得
是谁惹谁言不由衷
说谎伤害都是不安犯的错
怕抱不紧什么
我不想舍得不想懂得
谁说割爱才更深刻
彼此依赖是爱不是负荷
互相照顾就是幸福的

当世界不知不觉的变了
有时候我怀念以前的我
作的梦虽然远远的
想像是一种快乐
拥有了同时也失去什么
而眷恋原来会带来软弱
你让我在雾里成熟心开始曲折
我不想舍得不想懂得
是谁惹谁言不由衷
说谎伤害都是不安犯的错
怕抱不紧什么
我不想舍得不想懂得
谁说割爱才更深刻
彼此依赖是爱不是负荷
能握着手就是感动的

我愿意一秒钟放弃全宇宙
现在只我们紧靠的小星球

我多不舍得多不懂得
谁说割爱才更深刻
彼此依赖是爱不是负荷
能握着手就是感动的

I think it's quite traumatizing to find out that what you always thought to be so turns out to be not.

Guess that's all I want to say for now. So long for now...

2008-02-08T17:28:00.000+08:00

Finally back from North India!

It's really late now but I shall update anyway bcoz I may not find the time to do so again.

I don't where to start writing.

K, shall talk about the time we went back to NY to collect O level results. Before the results were announced, Mrs Wong, our ex-HOL, was like "NY girls do you miss NY?" & then we chorused "Yes!!!!" Then, she said shakily," When I came back to NY on the 1st day of school, I didn't see you girls around, I felt an utter sense of loss." Wah, at that moment I really felt like crying. Half of me was crying out to go back home. Only NY felt like home.

Fast forward to 407 BBQ on some random Fri. We went to Paul Tan's Euphony Gardens condo in Sembawang for class gathering. Managed to see Mr Khong as well :) It was a really nice gathering; it helped put a lot of things into perspective hearing what people had to say about JC. We started singing all the hc college songs, saying the hc cheers & doing fac dance :) Think JC made us "high-er" people.

The most important thing which JC has taught me is to be open & respect people's ideas & decisions. The social aspect in JC is quite big as well. But that's what makes it exciting :) Guess what? I'm actually starting to like JC, as in there are things that I can look forward to each day, that motivate me to keep going.

Umm, but there are occasional lapses though. Sophia is leaving our CT :( Coz she taking China Studies instead of Econs. She'll most likely end up in 08S79, which is actually like next to our CT bench. Was quite sad bcoz I don't have much close friends in class to start with, ha, was starting to squeak & make weird noises, happened to see Celia, then I just bao4. Sometimes I wonder whether it's the CT or just me. I rather think that it's just me then at least there's room for improvement. Kyna said there's comfort in dissimilarity & I know that I must give my CT time, even my mortal says so. Aiyee... but things aren't too bleak, they're generally improving :)

I think it's funny how I really started to bond with my OG when orientation is over. Really like our OG :) Hope we get to go kbox or something. Heh.

I love Ares fac dance alot! I always get excited about it. It's like everytime we finish dancing through the whole song, you really feel like "Whooo!" Fac dance sessions give you endorphin rush :)

OAC's not bad, haha :D & they're OG people inside! Not sure whether Eileen or Shin Yi are really joining. Hope we start on real training soon though, bcoz don't really feel like I'm learning or getting trained. I went for taekwondo during Dec hols & I actually find taekwondo more tiring can.

You know I was thinking what if I were to take Geog, China Studies, Math & Econs? Think it would be quite a breeze, coz they're my type of subjects. But these humanities subjects are mainly exercising my memory skills, so taking sciences can train my brain in areas which I don't normally exercise. My aunt was saying you take a subject not for the content matter but for the thinking skills that you'll get trained in. So, I should think BCME is quite a balanced combi. So, shall just stick to it :) Trivia: H1 MTL is equivalent to Sec 2 Higher Chi standard. But I'm still taking MTL though, to 保持联系. Yep, & must get A or else very 对不起我自己, must maintain standard.

V day coming! Presents for angel & mortal :) Shin Yi, Eileen, Kyna & I are exchanging V day ice cream on that day :) Coz we happened to drop by the booth together. Don't know how I'm supposed to eat 3 cones of ice cream xp

Jia you me! The future will be brigher! My throat will be better!

2007-12-24T10:50:00.000+08:00

Although North India has majestic monuments & breathtaking scenery (at some points), everything seems overshadowed by its poverty. Mangled electric wires, rubbish heaped along the roads, grimy buildings & dusty vehicles. The most frightening moment was the visit to Fatephur Sikiri (a monument built by a king to fufill a promise he made to some person who helped his wife bear him an offspring). There was a slum dwelling next to the monument & the whole time we were there, we were swarmed by so many hawkers & people asking for tips.

The most amazing moment was to find that a pair of fake-o but classy looking earrings were going for 2500 rupees. That works out to be S$100! 你要开价也要自知之明啊。

The trip to N. India must have been the oddest trip I've been so far. There are days where we just travel & travel - whether by boat (shikara), car (taxi), bus or plane. Even eating dinner at 11pm & sleeping at 2am plus on some days...

There are all sorts of transportation there - camels, ponies. & there are random cows, dogs, goats & pigs along the streets.

I feel that India is visibly poorer than China (I mean by comparing their 2 capitals.) China has more coastal land & has alot of foreign investments, businesses keep expanding, big buildings keep getting constructed. N. India is a hinterland (landlocked) & everything seems to be internal - as in there seems to be only trade interstate. Think mainly Bangalore & Mumbai get the foreign investments.

N. India is quite chaotic. In New Delhi, I was quite astounded that the vehicles could actually traverse at a 十字路口 without traffic lights. Quite a lot of roads there don't have lane markings. Vehicles just lump forward together.

The tour guide said that to drive in India, all you need is a good horn & 2 other things which I can't remember. The way motorists use the horn is like that of a bell in a bicycle. Motorists horn when they are trying to warn others they are overtaking, hurry the person in front, & I reckon just horn for fun when they are pissed so everyone sounds like they're part of a symphony. Ha :D You know some big trucks even have words painted on their backs that say "Please Horn." Ya.

You know my luggage which I've been using for the past 4 years nearly got disintegrated by all the handling in the airports. They transport the luggage manually. When I was in Kashmir, the worker was putting the luggage in one by one into a trolley to be driven to the plane where it is loaded in. Had a crack down the side & on the front. & one wheel got ripped off from the luggage, leaving a gaping hole. Ended up with masking tape plastered all over my luggage. Ha, bought an Indian luggage as a souvenir though :D To replace the spoilt one.

Think what I really gained from this trip is the importance of money. Everywhere I look is the need & lack of money glaring right at my face.

In Srinagar (predominantly Muslim place), summer capital of Kashmir, the sound of prayers reveberate from loud hailers in the mosques. It goes something like "Allah.....". Was actually a little uncomfortable with it, but after the 2nd day, I got accustomed to the smell of incense burning, sound of prayers (Muslims here pray 5 times a day), etc. Think this is called acclimatization. It's a natural reaction for people to adapt to their surroundings after a while.

The trip in India was haphazard but interesting :) Our tour group was made of mainly a gang of middle-age & senior citizens from the church of holy trinity, my family & another family with people from RJ. Being in this tour group was heartwarming, think it was because the bunch of church friends were very affable, sing in the bus & share their tidbits & snacks with everyone. Never went with a tour group this nice (ah, that is of course excluding eoy programme lah). Heh.

Hope next time when I go to India it'll be a better place :)

2007-11-30T10:30:00.000+08:00

I saw more than 80 egrets today :) Egrets look like thin long - graceful - ducks. I was amazed to see so many egrets at one go because I rarely see them. Apparently, egrets are very common to Mell Yeo & Kyna.

Time passes much faster with sabbats and 天国的阶梯 :) Quite good, I should think. Next week, we will be having squad chalet then I will be going overseas afterwards. By the time I come back, half of December will be over. Wow. Honestly, I thought this was a good thing, but I don't know why as I write, this sour feeling keeps building up in me. Strange.

Do you know next year is a period of great change? My sis & I are both going to new schools. My maid of 12 years is going back to the Philippines for good. & my math tuition teacher is migrating to England. Wow.

It's quite amazing how I've been limiting myself to Coro & KAP for the past 4 years of my NY life. Ha, perhaps it's due to Xinyu always insisting to eat lemon chicken rice. It seems the people in my sabbats know alot of places to eat. During the time when we had sabbats in school, Hwee Yanne & Qiu Ting brought me to eat at Barry and Hoagie's in Beauty World & I ate with Mell Yeo at Curry Wok and Kyna at Thai Noodle House in Coronation Arcade. The Ruby Dessert in Thai Noodle House is nice & cheap :) It's funny that I've only discovered these places when I'm no longer in NY. Never mind, they are potential food destinations during JC.

NTU is cool, although NUS is cooler than NTU coz it's renovated. It's like one whole self-relying community by itself. But actually, I think Nanyang is like that, just a much scaled down version. Ooh, & there're lots of hostels, of varying quality. Some look like office buildings, some like old HDB flats & the better ones look like chalets! So fun! I think when I go to uni I will stay in a hostel. Travelling to NTU takes me more than an hour!! Why are all the unis in the west? K, actually I know the answer, just asking for the sake of asking. Because there is space for a large campus. 自问自答. I have kind of decided, I want to do double degree - Business & Psychology. Think that combi is quite standard, but... for now it's like that. Oh! Yes yes yes. The Chinese Heritage Centre at NTU & the mini park in front of it reminds me of Beijing!

&!! I tell you! 30 min makes a lot of difference during peak hour! When I took mrt to Boon Lay yesterday at 8.30am from Outram, the train was considerably empty for that hour & I got a place to sit. When I took mrt to Boon Lay today at 8am from Outram, the train was so crowded, I only got a chance to sit when I was at Jurong East. Think because office hours start at 8.30am.

People say good point when they never thought of that idea before. People say good question when they are baffled for an answer.

Some quotes just sound nice, some quotes makes you think, but the best quotes are those that motivate you to do something.

Although it probably wasn't meant for me, thank you :)

2007-11-12T14:45:00.000+08:00

I have been battling all sorts of illnesses for the past 2 weeks. Throat infection, then stomach cramps, stomach flu, then fever. Thought it was strange that my health took a turn for the worse when I am just into my hols. Thankfully, things are looking up though I've migraines everyday. Sometimes I wonder whether I have some intestinal or neurological disorder. My mum says that I'm hypochondriac. Which means you imagine so much till your body actually starts feeling like you have all these illnesses. Still remember when you study first aid manual too much, you start thinking maybe I have this illness or that illness. On hindsight, actually find it quite funny.

Read tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom & it triggered quite a lot of thoughts in me.

In the book, there was this old professor (Morrie) who was dying from some terminal illness & he spends his tuesdays with his favorite student (Mitch), discussing the meaning of life as he approached the end of his life journey.

Late last year, I started thinking what would happen if I were to die suddenly? I seriously reckoned life would still go on easily without me. Think it's a fact of life. Ha, everytime I sit on a plane, I will always get myself mentally prepared that I might die. I also strap my seat belt when I'm in the car. Ha, just in case I get into some car accident. Actually, this is a habit influenced by Eli. Everytime I hitch a ride in her father's car, she would always strap on her seat belt.

Morrie had a living funeral before his body really started falling apart. He thought it was silly how people would say all the good things about someone only when he wasn't there to hear it at his funeral. So, he held a living funeral for himself. People would write poems dedicated to him and tell him what they appreciated about him. Think I'll actually use this idea if I know I'm dying.

& do you know what materialism is all about? People are so hungry for love that they start to accept substitutes. However, material goods, unlike love, don't bring satisfaction.

I was quite taken aback when I heard that we need others to survive. My first reaction was, "Oh my gosh! Irony! What is it about survival of the fittest, competition & ranking?" After some thought though, I got what Morrie was trying to say. This idea suddenly puts the people around you in a very different light.

Photos are a desperate attempt to steal from something that might cease to exist. I think it's something like Kyna's engraved rings. But maybe it's more like capturing the moment. Don't really have to portray it so dismally.

I like coincidences :) Because fate decrees it. I always think... maybe next time I might get to know this person better just that our current social situation doesn't really make it possible. But that will need another coincidence.

K, now this is not related to the book, it's related to 天国的阶梯 (Korean show, Sun, 2-4pm). Boomberangs are very cool! Chengjun was standing by the seashore & he threw a red thing towards the sea. Moments later, it came back to him. I asked my mum what it was. She said it was a boomberang & that all boomberangs when thrown (properly) always come back. The whole idea behind a boomberang shook me. If something is meant to return, it will return eventually, no matter how far it went.

人们有缘才相遇。

(This is random.) There are times when I look at Singapore's development & I will just feel like thanking Mr Lee Kuan Yew. Yah, I know there were other people along the way, but he envisioned the impossible for us when we were just nothing. When I was younger, visited Australia & understood the concept of migration, I wanted to migrate because I was into cold weather & nice scenery. I can't really remember when & how I started to become more patriotic. I still like cold weather & nice scenery but the idea of migrating is more faraway now. Anyway, not every other country has the type of safety that Singapore enjoys, right?

I think a person at birth is like a piece of blunt metal. Our experience moulds us into something sharper, like a knife. A knife as compared to a blunt piece of metal is able to effect greater change & give back to society.

We shall end with an allegory of death:

A little wave is bobbing along the ocean, having a grand old time. He's enjoying the wind & the fresh air - until he notices the other waves, in front of him, crashing against the shore.
Wave 1 says to himself, "My gosh, this is terrible. Look what's going to happen to me."
Wave 2 asks, "Why do you look so sad?"
Wave 1 replies, "You don't understand! We're all going to crash! All of us waves are going to be nothing! Isn't it terrible?"
Wave 2 says, "No, you don't understand. You're not a wave. You're part of the ocean."

2007-11-01T08:50:00.000+08:00

On the last day of school, we watched a 30 min long photo montage about the past 2 years we spent as a class in NY. Afterwhich, there was this sharing session where everyone had to sit in a circle & take turns to say their farewell & thank you speech to the class. Don't know, think because it was the last day of school & the atmosphere, but everyone in class was crying (except for Mr Tan perhaps, ha, but maybe he was crying inside). My gosh.

Hmm... still remember in the morning I told Jolynn, "This is our last assembly in this school."
Jolynn replied, "This may be the last assembly for us but this is not the last assembly in school."
Felt very thought provoking.

During the sharing session, what triggered me most was when Marie said,"Although I am not very attached to this class, I was happy here." Besides my good friends in class, I must admit not being very attached to the rest, but yah, I'm happy. Proud of 407 :) Proud to be in 407 :) Glad to have Giulia in class :)

Mr Khong is leaving! :'(

Actually, I surprised myself by crying. I'm not type that will cry when I'm sad. I'm a bottler. I just keep everything inside & slowly remove everything away by concentrating on work (maybe that's why I appear hardworking :p ha, no, I am because I 勤能补掘. some people get good grades quite easily, but Steffi can only get good grades if she studies & studies). I only cry when I get agitated into laughing. & the laugh will gradually result to crying. Ha.
HELLO! Is my HELLO very weird? Ha, Chai Ping agitated me when she said "learning how to say Steffi's hello" Ha :D

Of course, I never forgot 202 :)

I think what I will miss most in Nanyang is
1) The people
2) The school culture
3) The beautiful school building (no other school is comparable! hahaha :D)

Sorry, I think I'm a little incoherent now because I rushing out this post but anyway, I think the following song (very nice!) eptomizes the whole mood. Yay, & I'm going to release my Remember NY photo collection! Must go & see! (Wait first, I load later, a lot of people are queuing to use the pc at home) It's Steffi's version of the coffee table book! Haha :D Frankly, the coffee table book as in the official NY one is very nice :) A work of art :) Shin Yi & Val very lucky (that pic was very nice)! Eileen also! Boo, but sad they removed the cpr pic, I thought it was nice.

-------

Keane - Somewhere Only We Know

I walked across an empty land,
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand.
I felt the earth beneath my feet,
Sat by the river and it made me complete.
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So tell me when you're gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.

I came across a fallen tree,
I felt the branches; are they looking at me?
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So tell me when you're gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.
SO if you have a minute why don't we go,
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything.
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know,
Somewhere only we know.

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So, tell me when you gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.
SO if you have a minute why don't we go,
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything.
So why don't we go, so why don't we go,
Hmmm yeahh,

This could be the end of everything.
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know,
Somewhere only we know
Somewhere only we know.

-------

I found out that the only time The Graduation Song by Vitamin C doesn't sound cliched is when it's really your last day of school (26 Oct 07).

See you on 15 Aug 2017! Nanyang's 100th anniversary. Heh, that year will also be NYSJ's 50th anniversary.

2007-10-12T06:34:00.000+08:00

Hello! I'm in school now. The wind was blowing very strongly just now :D Please rain :) You know the boredom that sets in after exams is scary. You need something useful to do, that you can grab on to, so you can have some bearings in your life.

Most people in class have gone home but the school is still quite noisy. Wonder what the people in school are doing... Are they preparing for EOY programme? Haha, learning Shava Shava last year was fun! I can still remember most of the actions & sing the song :p Flo is a good dance teacher :)

We went to K box after EOYs yesterday. We actually intended to watch movies, but we couldn't decide on one so in the end we went to K box. I was apprehensive about going to K box at first. & K box really looked like a KTV lounge (okay, duhh...). Looked like those type of KTV lounges where people get drunk & all those bad things happen. Haha, but K box was surprisingly fun. Never went to sing karoke before :) I felt quite dead after Integ Maths, didn't feel particularly exhilarated that exams were over, just neutral. I had a migraine after that. I told Celia I was going through pressure release. In Geog, we learn that rocks which were originally under pressure, after having the pressure removed, undergo pressure release where they start sheeting. But!! K box was fun! Singing karoke is one of the best ways to get high :) So no longer felt that dead :) & K Lunch (some package at K box) was quite cheap. You pay $13 for an obento set, a drink & a few hours of karaoke. Tee hee, I have a bit of sore throat today, maybe because I sang too much for too long x)

Hmm... so now there is only HCL Os to work towards to. Ha, I don't have anything scheduled from 1 Nov to 19 Nov coz my sabbats start late. Dou, think I'll most likely be signing up for classes. Maybe learn tennis or dance. Eli suggested learning kayaking.

Sometimes, I wonder whether you still blame me. Somehow those things I did come back to haunt me like a nightmare. But, I just know I did what I felt was right at that point in time. I will get over it. I hope you get over it too. Ha, but who knows? Maybe you already have. That's good!

I like my morn jogs :) Ha, we started the morn jogs thing for exams coz Jolynn read in Reader's Digest that exercise aids your memory. Heh, & we've been recruiting people into our "running club" xp Now, we do morn jogs to keep fit, 反正we don't have much to do these days.

Why has the wind stopped blowing?

2007-09-22T14:34:00.000+08:00

Ha, currently my class is in this reminisce mode. Everything is like "Last Bio lesson, last Humans lesson, last PE lesson, may be one of the last times we're walking here together." Being sentimental stirs up a lot of 回忆，而回忆的感觉酸酸的. Yet at the same time, there are exams that warrant more attention & greater concentration. Yah, exams are important.

Class 407
Sec 4 '2007
47th Graduation Ceremony
Hahaha :D
好巧哦...

2007-08-12T01:49:00.000+08:00

Hello! I went for NDP on Thu :) Kyna said I am very patriotic because I actually look forward to National Day. Heh, I'm not only patriotic to the country, I'm patriotic to the school too! I wore ninetee :) Wonderful Steffi actually forgot to charge her camera eventhough she knew she was going to watch NDP the next day. But we managed to revive the camera for a while to take some pics. This year's NDP was quite impressive, with all the pyrotechnics (it means "fireworks", went to check up the meaning :]) & laser beams. The military display was quite eye-opening as well. The boat that is able to travel very fast through water seems like it's lightly gliding past the water surface. Normal boats generate a lot of waves when they cut through water but this boat only generates ripples on the water surface. Wahh... & the good thing about this year's NDP is that it includes more people as in, everyone in the Marina Bay area was part of the festivities somehow, whether be it just watching the fireworks from Esplanade Bay or from the hotel room. I even saw people standing on Shear's bridge. However, impressive as it was, I think this year's NDP failed to touch the heart. Maybe it were the songs... They were all so impossibly high-pitched! They are actually quite singable on TV, but at the parade, they all sang Soprano or Bass :( How to sing? I was practically screaming trying to sing the song... & maybe also because the seating gallery didn't loop around the stage, you cannot bounce off the energy from the other side... & the human mass displays... a bit of a letdown? & the sad choir, they're just chucked at one corner. Don't know what they really did the whole time. Ohh, didn't see SJ on duty, think it is because the army has sufficient manpower, the older stadium accomodated an audience size many times larger than this new stadium, so I guess that's why SJ is not on duty this year. But anyway, I like the marchpast :) I always like marchpasts :) The armswings are always so amazing.

Cheesecakes are nice :)

Cross country! If given the chance, I want to run again & at least get a finishing position (I narrowly missed the last few position cards). Then at least I would know the route (as in the terrain) & pace myself better. Next time when running, shouldn't think that I'm tired, that will seriously slow you down because this type of long distance running is really just mind over body. Should think that I can do it! I can do it! Don't care whether you will faint or not. Whether you faint, can talk about that later, most importantly - must finish the race at best possible timing. Yea...

Anyway, there is a small bee hive hanging from a leaf in a tree in my house. Bee hives are disgusting x) Sorry. But I really can't stand all the holes in the bee hive. Gives me the heebie jeebies. Bees like me.

My pc can't connect (after it was revived) to my printer or any other external devices like a camera. I got pics from NDP! Oh well ~ But at least it let's me come to blogger now.

I have a wonderful oven too! Most people take about 7 -9 mins to bake cookies, maybe even longer than that. But my oven would start catching fire when it's not even 3 mins. So it's like, must change the recipe to suit the temperamental oven.

In Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist (Sec 2 lit text), the author mentioned something about the conspiracy theory. When you want something so much, it seems as if the whole world is helping you to achieve your goal. This theory is proven ok! I like the conspiracy theory :)

In shou3 zu2 (can't seem to find the language bar), Shuiling said "Wise people talk less & do more." Though she said it in a very mean way, but I think that's quite true. Actions speak the loudest.

I won't be around for quite some time again... Wish you all good luck in everything you do!

2007-07-02T09:25:00.000+08:00

I never got to sleep more than 7h straight in the days succeeding the camp. Along the way home on the bus, I kept rereading the sms I wanted to send out to Jing Yi from NP, bcoz I kept falling asleep while I was typing the message, so I had to check what I had already written again & again. When I went back home, the 1st thing I did was plop down on the bed & sleep even though I haven’t bathed the night before. I woke up 3h later only to be transfixed in a dream-like state. I kept thinking I was still in the middle of some triage & there were things which I had to do. It took me 30 min to realize that camp was already over & I had nothing to do. All I had to do was eat my dinner, bathe & go back to sleep. Guess I was still quite zoned out from camp, did everything (unpack my bag & prepare bag for the next day) in a snail-like pace & finally went to bed at 12 something. Had to wake up early the next morning for leadership sharing forum.

During camp, my voice already started to be hoarse after being D.O. on the 1st day. Ate lozenges at night but still continued shouting anyway. During parade rehearsals, I realized that my voice hadn’t recovered from camp & it was dying. My mum said that I will wake up one day & find that no sound will come out from my mouth. So, I resorted to all sorts of means to get my voice back. Abstain from spicy food and chocolates. Avoid talking & shouting. Suck lozenges. Drank all sorts of things & made myself eat watermelon (even though I don’t really like it). Gargled salt water every night. Thank you Xinyu for loyally making pi pa gao for me to drink every day & your lozenges. Thank you Eli for your lozenges. Thank you Char for your chrysanthemum tea. Thank you Ma’am for your honey green tea & reminding me on the correct way to project my voice. & thank you squadmates for being my voice/ amplifier. Ha :D

I had insomnia the day before the parade. Slept at 12 something but woke up at 4 & kept waking up since. Was trying to make myself go back to sleep until it was 5.30am. I had this fear that I would oversleep.

You will find that 1 year passes very quickly & before you know it, it is already over. & we would wonder how much we had actually done for SJ. Time was running out & opportunities for us to do anything were few. We realized that the last things we could do was to at least have a good camp & a good parade. The time when my 依依不舍的感觉was the strongest was right after we broke camp. Had that kind of can’t-believe-it’s-all-over-…不要 feeling. Afterwards, everything just carried on mechanically like clockwork from then.

Do you know that my life in school revolves around CCA? When I was in sec 1, SJ was the reason why I liked going to school & made me feel like “Yay! Nanyang is a nice school!” & 70% or more of my thoughts circle around SJ related matters, whether be it good thoughts, bad thoughts, or the things which I had to do. Asking me stop suddenly is like taking out a whole chunk of my life.

Heh, tell you a bit about my sec school life story. When I just came to NY, I wasn’t in the good books of any teacher, ha, maybe excluding 麦老师. He is very nice & cute :) Too bad he 转校了. & Mrs Heng would feedback that I need to talk louder during presentations. Ha, & I always 被sec 4 NCOs骂. I remember that time in the Jun Hols, the nice Jia Hui san would stay back & teach me how to tie the different bandages. I think the training camp in sec 1 was the breaking point. I realized that I couldn’t continue like that & I told myself that for the next camp, cannot let myself 被骂得狗血淋头. Gradually, the desire of not wanting to get scolded became something more like I must push myself to give my best in everything I do. I guess being in a strict & rigorous CCA changes people drastically. SJ helped me to grow & shaped my thinking to be the kind of person that I am now. When I became an NCO, I also wanted people to feel that SJ helped them change & grow. When I came to sec 4, I became more pragmatic & 学聪明了一点. Cannot just blindly push yourself in everything you do, but must work smart also. Then, it’ll be something like 事半功倍 :)

Must strive to have a sense of purpose in life, 这样生活才会有意义. There is a start & end to everything. & life still goes on. Just like how it was when seniors leave the school. Time will gradually fill the emptiness in our hearts with other things. Yea.

I thought I was crazy when I finally decided to let that bear sleep on my bed. That bear was like a silent reminder of all the things which I promised I would do. I was thinking, “How to fall asleep like that?” That bear still remained on my bed anyway. Over time, that bear became a source of comfort when I felt alone or when the going went tough. Yay, like that bear :D Although it looks like the bear which I saw in some flu medicine ad in the past. Hee xp

Juniors 要加油!!

2007-06-06T10:59:00.000+08:00

Hello. This is a very nice computer :) & the this page actually loaded instantaneously! Back at home, it would take longer than 15 min & I would still be waiting for the page to load. Anyway, it has been 3 months & what happened over the past term is no longer as vivid as it used to be in my memory...

Hmm...let's see...

There was one week where we had Kwong Wai Shiu Hospital walkathon in MacRitchie. I don't know what happened to me but anyway, I think I had food poisoning. Felt like vomitting, but yet couldn't... Had stomachache as well. Didn't take part in the walkathon at the end, was just aching in pain in the ambulance aka the first aid post. The pain didn't go away after a long while, so they brought me to the clinic in Mt. Alvernia hospital. Strangely, the moment they started the engine, the pain in my stomach went away. Felt quite bad that the money which I raised in my walkathon card will be probably used to pay for my medical bills x(

Subsequently in the next week, I came down with a fever, in years. It was the day after NAPFA. But actually, I was already feeling flu-ish on NAPFA aka HCL paper day. Was sneezing until my throat hurt. 2 days later, when I went to school, I think about 6 people were absent in my class. And among the ppl who came to class, I think about 2/3 were down with some sort of illness. Think there was some mini epidemic spreading in our class. Ha :D & we happened to be learning about Public Health then :p

For my NAPHA, I didn't get gold! It spoilt my record! Rahh~ All because of that one cursed D, I had A for everything else. !?!?! But it's partly my fault, while preparing for NAPFA the weeks before, I sort of neglected my inclined pull ups. Calean says that after UGs had to scrap corporal punishment, our arm strength has probably deteriorated.

Do you know that alot of things in NAPFA is more or less dependent on the technique which we use? Ya, but your physical fitness should be there of course :) For my NAPFA, Xinyu told me must make sure my feet is against the wall, but I think the tester shifted the inclined pull up structure too far away from the wall such that when I was doing halfway, my feet was no longer against the wall. lalalala worst of all, there was only one try. When I asked the teacher whether I could re-take inclined pull ups, he just told me to have a good weekend :(

For sabbaticals, I took adaptive resilience training & fencing.

Some people think that Mr Teo is too money-minded. I don't think so. It's just plainly - he has a goal & he has gone all out to attain it. Albeit his goal is probably a little too extreme? But to have the determination & passion to make your goal a reality is something worthy of our admiration. But anyway, I'm quite interested at the idea of an alternative source of income! Money has the magic of compounding :) I broke the yellow and the blue brick! Not the red brick though... Mr Teo said I was using the wrong technique... Hee... couldn't really write properly for the next two days bcoz my hand would ache if I press it too hard against the table.

Is Rain really that matured? What about all those bad press? Maybe they were purely bad press, bcoz in that 20 min interview which we watched, he really seemed very polite & courteous. Anyway, I like the song It's Raining :)

I like fencing! I like the stance pose, think it looks very professional :) Although everyone's inner thigh muscle was aching after the 1st day & all the subsequent days after that, but that type of body ache is the type that brings you satisfaction. Remember suffering is fun? Ha, that was something I used to say :) But it's not a sadist mindset ok, it's only with suffering can you train yourself to be a better person.

There is a difference between being nice and being good.

Ha, like Hanakimi & the twins dragon show :) The twins dragon show (shuang1 long2 zhuan4) probably sounds foreign to you, don't think many people watch it. But lin2 feng1(main character in twins dragon show) 's acting is better than those nan2 zhu2 jiao3 in hanakimi. That's true! The songs in hanakimi are nice though. That time when I was running a fever, had dizzy spells. But after playing the hanakimi songs, I felt better :) Think because they are all happy songs :) I was lucky such that after watching central affairs 2, I got to watch the Hanakimi dvd, then the twins dragon show became nicer after weeks of showing (how timely), & now there is yuan2 dian3 to watch. How fortunate to nice shows one after another :) Haha.

If you ever go to Vila'ge, try the ham & cheese savoury crepes k! Really very yummy :) Nice, warm & chewy crepe :) The crepe is made in the same way as a waffle, more or less.

The idea of a qiu1 qian1 is very shi1 qing2 hua4 yi4 :) The theme song of yuan2 dian3:

荡秋千来回终究要停在原点
望太远眼前幸福却忽略
晃半圈圆不了爱恋
高一遍低一遍
风就吹散了永远
还想为你摇秋千对着夕阳扮鬼脸
若月光再美一点我们会否把手牵
还想被你碎碎念当数流星的配乐
你却说你等不到天亮
空秋千陪整夜

-------

Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible.

*faith, passion, trust

Tata for now~

2007-03-11T15:48:00.000+08:00

Wow, I finally managed to get into this page. I think blogger hates me coz everytime I want to post, it'll somehow malfunction then I'll just think that it's God's way of telling me that I shouldn't be using this now. But since I haven't blogged for 3 months, then it shouldn't be, I guess :p During this period of hiatus, I didn't even write in my diary. It's quite scary coming to think of it that I just let my life pass like that without penning down a single thing.

After I came back from South Africa , I suffered from jet lag for about 1 to 2 weeks. I was in a dazed state when I came to school & yet I couldn't fall asleep at night. So I resorted to having long afternoon naps, something which I don't normally do :) & there was also the frantic rush to finish leftover holiday homework & prepare for cca orientation. After all the madness, life was still very fast paced but I was in a clearer state of mind. Not very sure why but after the holidays, I feel more self-assured, probably due to all those self help books which I borrowed to read. I no longer feel as doubtful about myself. When I was in sec 3, I questioned almost every single thing I did. I guess you can say I'm very perfectionistic & self critical. But ya, things aren't so bad now & I kind of know what's more important in life now.

One thing I learnt about priortizing is that you don't just simply do the things in your priorty list in chronological order. That is not plausible unless you have all the time in the world. Priortizing is really identifying what you think is important to you. Failure to succeed in these main priorities will bring about the most dissatisfaction in your life. Priortizing means that in order to make these main priorities work out you're willing to sacrifice other aspects of your life.

Hee, during this period of time, I had a cranky computer, I pierced my ears & I wore contact lenses.

Having a cranky computer meant that I couldn't do alot of computer related assignments at home. So I stayed back on most days to use the computer in school to finish my hw. In a sense, this was good change. Because it meant that by the time I got home, I'd have already accomplished some things in school. So when I get home, I could focus on the hard copy hw, which is a good thing because hard copy hw, like worksheets, often involve learning. Like ws on what you learnt in class. Whereas soft copy hw often comprise of project work, where a different type of learning takes place, something that can't be assessed through exams.

Having a cranky computer & a corrupted thumbdrive means you lose everything you've done over the past year. Boo :( Lost alot of my soft copy contact lists. Good thing I don't trust technology, had them all printed out in hard copy. But, I think I lost photos I took of my suckerfish and of crystal growing. We also lost some of the photos which we took in South Africa (we haven't developed the photos). If you want to get back those photos again, you have to fly all the way back to SA just to take them. & I think I lost the photo of me cuddling a baby lion. I stress baby. You cannot go near grown up lions. They might attack you.

Oh! The most enjoyable part of the SA trip was the stay in a nature reserve. It was like living in a small settlement in the middle of wilderness. We lived in huts. & outside the huts was just wilderness, wilderness & more wilderness. The animals are wild so they are free to roam. I heard that the stars were so big they looked like they were going to drop down anytime (I was giddy that night, so I didn't go out stargazing). In the day, we went sightseeing on an open top jeep = no security. But the tour guide said that the animals won't jump onto us as they see the vehicle as one big animal. So as long we don't stick our hands out or make attention grabbing sounds or movements, we should be safe. We saw many different varieties of deer, rhinos, hippos, birds, giraffes, jackals, wild boars, ants. & most of them don't exist singly but as one whole colony or at least in bunches. We drove past a sleeping lion (our jeep was just next to the lion!). & not too far away, was the carcass of a zebra. So we speculated that the lion ate the zebra & then went to sleep.

Throughout the SA trip, I felt very unsafe because SA is one of the countries with the highest crime rates. Everyday our tour guide will never fail to remind us of all the bad things which have happened to previous tourists. It made me quite suspicious of everything. There is a national park right at the north eastern tip of SA which is the size of Taiwan - Kruger National Park. Many illegal immigrants from neighbouring countries in the African continent walk into SA through this park. Quite scary because it would mean that they would encounter alot of animals along the way.

SA is the richest country in Africa thus explaining why many people want to get in - to find jobs. But the truth turns out to be that there are not enough jobs for everyone & thus high crime rate (robbery, etc.). & I was staying near Kruger National Park! Locking the rooms are not enough because they can be broken in. Everyday we had to lock all our belongings back into the luggage even though we were still staying there.

Ahh, we went to Cape of Good Hope at Cape Town . It's supposedly the place where the Atlantic & Indian Oceans converge. Due to the Indian Ocean being higher in temperature as compared to the Atlantic , the winds in the area are exceptionally turbulent. We went up to the first lighthouse built in the area. The wind was blowing like crazy. I actually felt blown away. I was leaning against the wall. Ha, & there was this lady whose dress literally flipped up. Quite embarrassing :D But she just laughed it off. & then it started pouring. Due to the strong wind, the rain hurt so much, it was like a lot of needles poking me. We quickly hurried back to shelter.

& on New Year's Eve. I was at Victoria & Alfred Waterfront. Security that day was very tight as the police had received some tip off that there might be a terrorist attack. I was so paranoid, everywhere I looked I could imagine a terrorist attack in the making. Couldn't wait to get away from the place & stay in the safety of the hotel which was a reasonable distance away from the waterfront. Ha, there was no bomb after all :)

K, enough of SA.

I thought graces camp to be very weird. It was almost a literal holiday camp. Almost every meal was carried out buffet like style. The whole camp was under air conditioning. We drank from glass cups & porcelain plates. We had table napkins & the tables & chairs were all draped with linen. Not used to this type of camp. Prefer the more rugged type :) The most fun part was preparing for formal dinner & the make up class. The rest were just ok. Yes, we learnt stuff, but it didn't have to be done in a camp setting. That's what I think. The other thoughts I have are probably too controversial to be penned down here. So, that's all. So long I guess... don't know when I will be coming back here again :)

2006-12-12T18:34:00.001+08:00

Hello... just felt like writing a little for camp.

Don't know... somehow I liked last year's camp more than this year's. Maybe it got to do with the feel good vibes. Last year felt good. Sir & Ma'am were always around. They gave me things to do. Do you understand the meaning of 看重?

This year... I felt like I liked the theory course more, but it was through the camp did I know my groupmates better. I realized everyone was quite responsible, especially when we were at Pulau Ubin.

Nightwalk was quite fun. I didn't really feel scared. I was more like focusing on finding my way. Like try my best to see where I'm walking & find the red lightstick. There were points where I just plunged into total darkness. Then, I would just walk faster until I see a red lightstick. Seeing the red lightstick gives me a sense of security. The fact that there are officers around made me feel quite safe. I heard frogs croaking, owls hooting, nearly fell into a pit and knowingly stepped into a puddle of mudwater as I didn't want to go off track.

After nightwalk, we didn't have much to do as we waited for the other groups. So, some of us started playing connect-a-story (someone say something, then someone else must continue the story). Let me tell you an interesting story told by Lena, Joanna, Val & Celia:

One day, a girl was at Changi Village attending a chalet. She went to the bus interchange & realized she was the only one around. Finally, her bus came & she realized she was the only passenger. As the bus was moving along, the girl found the driver lying on the floor in a pool of blood. Then, the driver kind of rolled out of the bus into the middle of the road. The girl, of course, went out of the bus & tried to do CPR on the driver. Then, suddenly, the bus driver woke up & said sorry that he fell asleep *haha* & it turned out that the pool of blood was the strawberry milk he was drinking.

Hahaha :D Amusing right?

Right... Campfire... Rahh...
It probably would have been much more fun if campfire was done outdoors. Anyway, I think I kind of screwed the emcee thing. At the very last minute, the officers went to change the order of events. Yah, so it got kind of hard to follow the emcee script (due to the changes, I'd to jump here & there), so in the end the script was kind of abandoned. Right... & I think I would forever remember that the Zone President is Mr Lim Seng Hock, Zone Commissioner is Mr Frederick Lim, Zone Superintendent (Ops) is Mr Lim Poh Thiam & Zone Superintendent (Admin) is Ms Chiang Mei Koon. Actually I think I knew what to say, slip of the tongue. Rahh... Kind of got scolded by Ma'am, but it's seriously my fault, so it's ok. Just felt that I very 对不起Sir, because it's like he's one of the officers in charge of this & it will kind of reflect on him? Yah, & the PA System wasn't very good. I was literally talking loudly into the milke but I could hardly hear myself for some parts. Rahh... Sir is very nice. Really very nice. He was like "ok, yah, really ok". It's not that kind of sacarstic ok but more like that kind of never mind, people make mistakes that kind of ok. How to be more lively arh? Talk faster?

One thing I learned was that emceeing is different from presenting. Presenting is all planned beforehand. Emceeing is a very on the spot, impromptu thing, people tell you what, you just say what kind of thing.

I think organizing things like campfire takes up quite a lot of time, that's when people like event organizers come in handy. Ahh... maybe event organizer can be part of my list of future occupations. Zis boom bah! Rah! Rah! Rah! (Adiji Yell is so weird can...)

I think this is the camp where I slept the least, bathed the least & had that thing. Had stomach cramps, thought I'd food poisoning, but it turned out to be that thing. Even though mine is irregular, I manage to miss it every single time I have camps. & this time it came right on topo day. Ha, how nice right? For topo night, I slept for 20 minutes, or maybe even less than that. I think most people were like that too.

Oh! Oh! I'm quite pleased with myself. Pooed for 2 out of the 3 days, even though there were no fruits. Active bowel system :) I realized you should eat all the veggies at one go before you start on the other ingredients if you want to poo.

Generally, my group is very enthu. One day we're gonna get...so high! Haha.

I think my hol is no hol. Have to study for math exam, ncoc theory exam, work in hospital for 5 days, finish my nyaa service, all my hw in these 2 weeks before I go off for vacation & come back next year. Quite mad, I think. But at the end of the day, it's not how busy you are but whether you achived anything. It's just like this year, busy busy busy, but at the end of the day, I also don't know what I achived. Running through my crazy life.

One humble's journey continues... (quoted Ms Amy Lau)
加油me!

2006-11-08T08:20:00.000+08:00

Warning: long post.

23 Oct, 9.50pm >>>

Hello...
The aeroplane trip was quite ok. You know when we were about 44km from Beijing, I saw this patch of green jutting out from the clouds. At that point in time, we were at an altitude of 4km high. Wah, does that mean that the mountain range we saw was about 4km high? Haha :D
Beijing airport was dark... I think they were trying to save electricity. China is a frugal society (according to what I read in China Today).
The man who checked my passport was quite leng3 to me. He only uttered some things back at me when I talked to him.
The roads in Beijing are quite nice, the plants are very nicely pruned. The bushes are round :) They're like cute blobs of round things. There were some buidings in Beijing that were really avant garde - some semi circle dome shaped glass buildings. But I think what's more important is not how modern or high tech the buildings look, but how the whole city landscape blends together, which isn't really the case in Beijing.
Haha :D I drank warm orange juice soup for dinner.
The hostel is quite cold, there are no proper heating systems and the shower heater is faulty. Was shivering like mad when I was bathing, had to squat and bathe in order to keep warm. But I felt quite good after bathing!
The bed is very nice to tuck into :)
Ha, hope I gradually learn to find Beijing a nice place!

25 Oct, 9.15pm >>>

I realized there are lots of things to write but I just don't feel like writing much after taking notes during lessons, writing journal reflections and a farewell speech. Everything starts feeling a little repeated.
Ha, today's Wed, wonder what people are doing in school. Hmm...Heather should be leaving tomorrow for Shanghai. Was just thinking... Marie is the only person I know who has straight slanted to the left handwriting. Most people have that up down centralized handwriting or cursive towards the the right handwriting. Some people like Celia have cursive in the middle handwriting, which can account why they look messier. Haha :D
So happy I can change clothes tomorrow! *excited* (only brought enough clothes to change once every 3 days) Zijia is changing tomorrow too!
Alot of people are buying food to eat but I'm still eating the biscuits I brought from Singapore. Bleh... Maybe I'll buy when I run out of food. Didn't buy anything today.
Oh, we're attached to a gao1 yi1 ban1, equivalent to sec 4 in Singapore but they're about 15 to 16 years old because the school term starts in Sep. Ha, somehow wherever I go for exchange programs, the schools are always so hospitable. Nanyang must really improve her hospitality in a big way. As usual, the Beijing students look much more hardworking than us, must go back to Singapore & be like that. Do you know something? The gao1 san1 ban1 peple go home like 9 something at night? Yah, & there's always a traffic jam outside the school at this hour. Wah, I wonder what they canstill do at home. But I think they live nearby, & nearby are all modern high rise buildings, I suppose this is a business district, which means land is expensive. Aiyee...my handwriting is becoming messier after exmas, but still legible :)
Things to do:
- find out names of Beijing students/ get their autograph
- buy things for ahma's side, popo's side, daddy, mummy, auntie, Laura, Gary & squadmates
- switch on camera & take photos (everything is so under utilized)
- speak correct Chinese, Haha :D

30 Oct, 11.15pm >>>

We went to the cheng2 shi4 gui1 hua4 guan3 yesterday. Similar to the Urban Redevelopment Authority in Singapore. I quite liked the whole place. It has this 3D map of olden day Beijing plastered on the wall. & you know since Beijing is gigantic, so the map looked kind of impressive. Forbidden City was marked out in gold. I think the zhong1 zhou2 xian4 of Beijing, a whole single road that cuts through the middle of Beijing is so cool! It cuts the Forbidden City exactly into half and along the line. Further up from the Forbidden City is the drum tower and bell tower. Both towers make mechanical noises every hour or maybe every 2 hours to tell the time. The sound made used to be heard in the entire city, but as the population increased, there are more buildings, more traffic, and thus the sounds can't really be heard anymore. Nearby, there was this hutong area where we ate beijing roasted duck. I like it! I actually like the skin can. Haha :D
Outside the restaurant, there was this weird maiyatang guy. He has the skill of blowing sculptures out of maiyatang. He was weird. He gave me the maiyatang sculpture, then I asked him whether I'd to pay, & he said it was for me. Of course I felt very bad, so I fished out 1 RMB from my purse, then he demanded 10 RMB for the 3 sculptures he gave away to us. The weird thing was he wanted us to take the sculptures and yet he was now forcing us to pay up. In the end, we just gave the sculptures back to him & walked away. The TLE (The Little Entrepreneur) people said we were too trusting and gullible. We also went to liu2 li2 chang3 where we made yin4 zhang1s of our names.
Today, we went on a scavenger hunt about Beijing. We ate at Food Republic at dong1 fang1 xin1 tian1 di4 (Oriental Plaza). Not bad right? Singapore's Food Republic at some upmarket area in Beijing. Buying food in this Food Republic was quite inconvenient. You have to buy a credit card, like the photocopy card in our school, & use the credit to buy food & drinks. Afterwhich, you've to queue again to get your card refunded (tui4 ka3). Ha, but at least we experienced a food court in China! Ate gui4 lin2 te4 se4 chao3 fen3 for 17 RMB. Oh, & then we were walking about wang2 fu2 jing3 jie1 many times in order to find wang2 fu2 jing3. I really expected to see a jing3, that's why we kept missing it even though we walked past it many times.It turns out that the jing3 is actually just a sewage cover with words on the ground. Err -.-" We also sat the subway at Beijing. We kept transiting. I like the pics that I took from the train!
Our group's business plan was actually chosen can. Unexpected. We got to keep the full collection of the Friendlies (fu2 wa3)! Haha, tomorrow we're going back to school again. Yah, k, bye bye.

6 Nov, 6.40pm >>>

Hello. Today is Mon. By the time I came back on Sun, talking to my family & loading the pics into the pc, it was already quite late. Yah, I know I wrote quite little for the whole trip, but I shadn't attempt to write all that I missed in here, in would be too time consuming. Let's talk about chang2 cheng2. I love chang2 cheng2! I'm just sad that I didn't have enough time to climb higher. I didn't expect chang2 cheng2 to be this steep. But the sense of achievement is quite great, & the view from the top is majestic! We didn't go to ba1 da2 ling2 due to the zhong1 fei1 lun4 tan2, we went to ju1 yong1 guan1 chang2 cheng2 instead.
Generally, the temperature at Beijing ranged from approximately 7 degrees Celcius to 17 degrees Celcius. The weather was good for most of the days which means you don't have to wear so many wai4 tao4. The weather turned cold on the last 2 days of our trip. It became 0 degrees Celcius to 10 degrees Celcius zuo3 you4. hai2 gua1 feng1 ne. yuan2 ming2 yuan2 was nice because of the gua1 feng1. The falling leaves looked like snow and there was feng1 sha1 also! So cool! I managed to capture a bit of the feng1 sha1 on camera. Most of us wore masks. (My mask was courtesy of Jia Hui)
We watched this show called wu4 fei1 wu4 for most of the nights. At the beginning, I could clearly tell who was the villian but towards the end, I started to become confused as to who was bad and good. That's why it's called wu4 fei1 wu4!
Let me tell zhong1 guo2 tu2 shu1 ta4 sha4 is a small world. I met tai2 yi4 (our China buddy) & my uncle there can. Cannot believe it! We also saw a group of sec 4 HCI people who were on some other exchange program at a restaurant near yuan2 ming2 yuan2.
We are fortunate to stay in bei3 jing1 ba1 zhong1. 2 people per room, plus tv, plus attached bathroom, quite xing4 fu2 I must say. There were some of us who were sad to leave. Angela said that she doesn't want to return back to reality & she also likes the cool weather that makes her happy. Li Sian says that she doesn't want to go home because China has a lot of cheap dvds. Haha. Felt quite neutral while I was at shou3 du1 ji1 chang2. Xinyu also. Oh man, Xinyu & I have the same luggage code can! Haha :D
Aiyee! Aiyee! & there was no lian2 huan1 hui4 because of zhong1 fei1 lun4 tan2. Schools have to close at 3.30pm. Boo :( So sad! Never get to perform. Bought the costume for nothing. Never mind, we've decided to wear it on Racial Harmony Day next year.
You know when I was using the toilet at home, I had this urge of throwing the toilet paper into the bin. tai4 xi2 guan4 bei3 jing1 fang1 shi4 de sheng1 huo2 le.
I think I should be stronger after the Beijing trip considering the fact that I ate more, slept more, climbed alot of stairs everyday since I live on the 5th floor and carrying my 20 something kg luggage up 5 storeys and down 5 storeys. But I think I caught a cold after the gua1 feng1.
We will remember the friends we made in Beijing. Yay! Claudine, Kathleen, bei3 jing1 ba1 zhong1 people (classmates/ teachers/ chefs/ principal),zhu1 dao3 you2, zhuo2 lao3 shi1 & chui1 lao3 shi1. Yah, & in this trip, there was a baby, a bunny, a mummy aka robber, a chick aka nanny, a chipmunk, 2 zebras, a mafia boss aka ahma aka bird aka dog, a beaver, a banana, a fish (?? - not sure) & more! Haha :D
When I reached home last night, I opened the car door, smelled the air, felt the humidity against my skin and saw the familiar surroundings. I'd this feeling like I was back to reality. Being in bei3 jing1 was an escape from reality. When I first reached Beijing, I wondered how people back in Singapore were. Sometimes I wonder whether they are better off without our presence. The 2 weeks in Beijing passed very quickly. Came back to Singapore & realized many things had took place. Bahh... must adjust to life here again and get into the swing of things.
Anyway... I watched Japanese movies for both flights. Don't know... just find them nice to watch. I sat between Florence & chui1 lao2 shi1 for both flights. Flo was sitting by the window. Chui1 lao2 shi1 was sitting by the aisle. I'm able to kua4 guo4 chui1 lao2 shi1 without touching her! Haha :D
Aah... let me share with you what Kathleen said. There are 4 ages. The baby age where everyone cares about you. Teenage where you care what other people think about you. Middle age where you don't care what others think of you. Old age where you wonder whether anyone still thinks about you.

Click here to see the pictures I took in China. It's not very complete though, alot of the pictures are still in other people's cameras.

Sometimes we focus too much on the small details, we lose sight of the big picture.

2006-10-10T11:50:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, my fish was acting kind of funny. It was sucking the sides of the fish tank such that its head was facing downwards. It was like trying to push itself to the surface of the water. In the afternoon, it started floating upside down, but it was alive! It looked like it was doing backstroke or maybe just floating on its back. Then, some time during the early evening, it laid pitifully on its side. It was no longer sucking and its gills were sunken in, like sunken jowls. That's when I realized it died. It died the night before math exam. I didn't see this as a bad omen, I actually felt like it was a kind of jie3 tuo1, not like the fish was really a burden to me. Zhou Ang was right. When her fish died, it was black in colour. One would expect a dying fish to be of a pale unhealthy colour. But instead, it was a dark healthy black when it died and its fins were spread out in full display. And it sank, it wasn't floating! (maybe because it just died) The fish was like falling in magnificence. You know it's something like when a person is at his brink of death, he will have this last burst of energy. So I guess it was something like that? Dying, looking its best. I first met the fish on 24 Jul and it died 77 days later on 8 Oct. Dug a small pit in the backyard and buried the fish there. We marked its grave with three large pebbles. Cannot let its little life go to waste like that, so it has to give back to nature. I've decided to dig open the grave a year later to see how it looks like (hope I can still see some remains). I suppose I can return Heather her fish tank and Li Wen her fish food now.

2006-09-17T13:16:00.000+08:00

Hello, cbox is down, feel like changing the tagboard to one with the nice scroller, maybe after exams. I hope there is cca on 13 Oct. If not, we will only have 2 remaining ccas for the year and one of which I won't be attending coz I'm away in Beijing (bleh). Anyway, I don't think I'll be coming here till the end of exams (ha, they're are going to finish quite early coz I don't take physics or any special extra subject) coz I really have to study le (blogs are distracting, you know). Ya :) Bye bye.

2006-09-01T14:45:00.000+08:00

Hello. It's been a long time since I posted... find it kind of hard to write anything now...

Anyway, after Teachers' Day celebrations today (Oh! I think Jia Yi dances well! Haha :D), I stayed back till 3pm to finish my Math portfolio. Had lunch at 4pm. Yay~ finished all our SIAs already! :) Except for Chi SIA presentation.

You know that (most) people don't sing the national anthem? They just whisper (or mouth). The other time when I had phelgm, I didn't sing coz I would go out of tune. And the only sounds around me were "sss". Found it quite amusing X)

I slept for 2 and a 1/2 hours this afternoon. Guess I was too tired. Had to make up for all the nights when I was deprived of sleep :)

Oh yes! My suckerfish! I need to buy driftwood so that my suckerfish can eat the algae which grows on the driftwood. But my mother doesn't support my fish. Apparently, fishes in the house is bad fengshui for my father :( Aiyee, good thing my father doesn't really mind. So, I just feed it sinking tablets now. Still have not bought a plant for it.

I miss going for ndp even though it takes up a lot of time. Somehow you just get a kind of emotional high when you watch the parade?

Is the world unfair?
Marie asked me this question and I said yes. Then she said she doesn't think it is because what you do not have can be made up for in other areas. Like the beggar on the street. Although he is poor, he has this understanding or perspective of society that others can't see. I kind of agreed with what she said. Later, I started debating about this question with Kewei and Celia. Kewei was saying that some babies don't even get to be born into this world. They don't even get an opportunity to live. Is the world being fair to them? That kind of made some sense also. Then after that, we realized that we were arguing such that we were biased to our own point of view. I was thinking - maybe when people are biased against you, it gets made up when people are biased towards you. Aah, anyway, it was a nonsensical discussion, so never mind. In the end, Celia said that fairness is subjective. Ms Khoo's explanation of why people are pian1 xin1 is that their hearts are pian1 xiang4 to the left. Haha :D

I like rainy weather :) More for the coolness than the wetness.

I need to finish watching the day after tomorrow!

Volleyball is nice :) Aah, didn't pass Ms Sabrina her teachers' day present :(

I hope my family's camera wakes up soon. Can't load the pics into the computer X(

Hey, do you know that I don't play with my retainers anymore? :)

Exams are coming. Good luck everybody :) Good day!

2006-07-24T20:25:00.000+08:00

I've been hiding for the longest time. I'm not sure whether you would have noticed that many things I blog about is merely just a touch on the surface. But sometimes writing in blogs is a good thing also. We make a stand publicly. Compare to writing in your own private diary, because you know no one will get to read it, you write anything that comes into your head and you come out of it feeling just the same. When you blog (with sense, of course), your thoughts get more organized which might kind of help :)

I think we have concerned ourselves with too much superficial things such that we have lost some basic principles of humanity. But then again, if you can't even do these seemingly superficial and shallow things well, what makes you think you can handle things with greater depth and significance?

I intend to quit 3rd lang soon unless someone convinces me not to with a very good reason. I know it's a waste to give it up after studying it for close to 3 years. But sometimes, when your heart isn't in it anymore, it's rather pointless to continue. Ha, do you know something? Every year I would take the withdrawal form and fill it in halfway. ie fill in my name, so on and so forth, just excluding the part with the signatures. Then after a while, something will just make me continue with 3rd lang. (that alchemist book) But this time round, I really want to quit to spend more time on studies (!!!) and cca. Mummy and Daddy said that if that is the case, I must really make sure I really make use of the freed up time for this purpose.

Listening to Jap music is good :) You blast the music and you don't understand a single word and well, just listening to the tune aids thinking a lot.

I still remember that time when I was in Japan, what struck me most was how fast paced and commercialized it was. The women have those very elaborately manicured nails. Oh, and how people run to queue up at theme parks. My gosh, it was jaw dropping. I'm probably seeing things in a very superficial manner though. Who am I to comment on such things? I still like New Zealand best :) Everything is very slow paced and relaxing. Oh...and they have nice magazines :) However, it can get really slow sometimes, like how we waited for our dinner for close to an hour and no one complained.

I'm doing Env Science for sabbaticals. The previous batches got to keep frogs, but now we just keep sucker fishes. Aiyee...the sucker fish doesn't do much besides sucking whole day long. People had to catch flies for their frogs last time but I seriously think sucker fishes eat their own poo (I saw it with my own eyes!). Our sucker fish is called sucker (that's quite a bad name right? but it is a sucker fish that's why). Ahh...don't worry though...we won't leave our sucker fish to survive with it's own poo :) I asked Chai Ping to being fish food (hope she remembers). I'll also go & research on the diet of the sucker fish. We're going to Sungei Buloh tomorrow to test the water quality and observe the organisms!

I'm going to Beijing for eoy programme. Zijia, Jia Hui, Celia & Xinyu will be going too! Florence & Angela too! Cheryl Long from my Jap class and Pek Yee (my ex-class monitress) is going as well! What a crowd :) Not bad... quite looking forward to the trip :) I hope we don't miss advance...

NDP is coming~ I like that "who are you my country..." song. Standing there and hearing this music play is quite gratifying (is that the right word?). Like marching for your country, or something to that effect...

Is true that people tend to gravitate or rather side with those who are like them as well? I don't know...I somehow have a thing for ostracized people, or people whom I think are ostracized, coz I feel ostracized sometimes and I know it's not a good feeling. Bah...

In life, we must learn to laugh at ourselves because no one is perfect! We make mistakes and learn along the way. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :D haha :)

I think self motivation & self discipline are the things in life that you cannot do without.

You know I once came across this quote: "Because man can't do everything, man must do everything he can." I know this quote is quite contradictory. It's kind of scary to larger extent too. I mean "do everything he can". I mean like everything you can. And how do you define what you can? But it's quite a powerful quote nonetheless.

2006-07-17T03:30:00.000+08:00

I've a test tomorrow (everyone walking past me in the house now keeps saying "don't you have a test")but I thought I should still come here because many things happened this week & if I wait longer, I probably won't feel like writing anymore.

On Wed morning, Eileen came to my class and told me that sj was supposed to command for this week and the next. Aiyee...I was so shocked. Was quite thankful that it rained. You need to get mentally prepared for these kind of things you know. On Thu morning, haha, some squadmates came to usher me to the podium :D Haha, my class was quite supportive :) Almost every classmate who walked past said jia you to me or something. Do you know I was shaking when I was standing in sedia? Haha, but apparently, nobody saw :) Fri was better :) Didn't feel nervous anymore. Celia said I should feel better after the first time. That's true :)

Quiz! It was really a close fight! Xinyu and I felt quite scared for them. But anyway, we got champion again! Ahaha :D The challenge trophy is ours forever now :) Yay~ We got our long awaited "savoury wraps". They're cute ^-^

After quiz, Jia Hui, Celia & I went for ndp. I liked yesterday's ndp! Because it was NE show and children are much better audiences. Yah, & there were some parts which they didn't include for the rehearsal last week. Like torchlights :) The moment they switched off the lights, you can see these small yellow lights every where. It was so pretty, oh my gosh :) Children's voices are nice to hear too :) Wah, and the fireworks! I like the fireworks that looked like coloured gems but I like the golden dust fireworks the most! The dust shimmers in the sky :) Very nice :) We were like clapping & clapping. I think NE show is quite important. The atmosphere of the whole parade will kind of make people feel more proud to be a Singaporean. But guess what? We left the stadium at 11.45PM! (they need 3 hours to clear the whole stadium, quite inefficient) My gosh, so late! By the time we reached HQ it was about 12am already. Then Jia Hui's nice papa sent me home. Reached home at 12.15am. Slept at 2.30am. So tired...

2006-06-15T13:45:00.000+08:00

I like this year's camp! :) Bcoz we came back with aches everywhere. I like torturous camps :) The camp passed very fast. When 3rd day came, it felt like the 1st day wasn't even over. I thought not wearing my retainers would be good but I realized my teeth would get rather weak. They get sore easily when I eat. I didn't get to do any toc for the entire camp save for a few minutes during Disabled (where I was crippled then mute then crippled again). Was a casualty most of the time during the triages. Aah...salt water gives me gastric and makes me bloated, but it makes my throat feel better :) I learnt that to stop yourself from puking when you drink salt water is to make sure everything is mixed properly, then you drink at a constant speed while focusing your eyes on this point away from your cup at your side. Zijia taught me this new water cheer. Haha ;) Oh, somehow there was adequate space to sleep in the tents this year :) It felt very squashed last year. Our group didn't close the flysheet(?) so that wind could get in :)

When the 1st triage just started, I think I was already stung by a bee. Fell in and felt something crawling on my arm under my sleeve. Actually I didn't really care...thought it was just some ant or something. Then suddenly I felt this sharp stinging pain at the edge of my shoulder. Told lcpl that I thought something was biting me, then she lifted my sleeve and this bee flew off. Bleh...the pain didn't last very long though, now there's just this reddish mark on my shoulder :) I don't know why people said I looked like I was going to cry coz I didn't feel like crying at all.

But for the last triage when I was the casualty, I teared a bit...like that then more convincing mah... I still remember that time when I was in sec 1, an nco was my casualty, she started tearing halfway, made me think that it was for real. But whether or not the casualties are real or fake, must treat them as real right? Right :)

I learnt that we could actually use our leg strength when we are in pumping position for citylink. Always thought we could only use our arm strength. But it's very good that we can use our leg strength :)

Topo was fine :) Obs land expedition was much much much much worse. We walked rather quickly during topo & learnt how to use the compass to navigate :)

Our performance was messy :/ Think we didn't practise enough as a group in our formations.

Nightwalk wasn't very scary. I think it's partly because we just woke up so our brain (imagination) wasn't really active. Each time I approached a corner, I would move to the opposite side to make sure there wasn't anything hiding behind then I would hit the wall or railing a few times (to chase away things?) before proceeding.

Yay~ United we Stand. I think we really bonded as a corp and lived up to the motto :)I guess that's all :) Don't feel like saying the rest here. Bye bye~ Happy recuperating :)

2006-06-03T14:15:00.000+08:00

You scored as Psychology/Sociology. Related majors that match your highest scored category: Anthropology, Biology, Chemistry, Counseling, Criminal Justice, Political Science, Psychology, Industrial/Organizational (I&O) Psychology, Sociology, Social Work.

Consider all majors in your OTHER high scoring categories. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it. Consider adding a minor or double majoring. Please post your results in your myspace/blog/journal.

Psychology/Sociology

88%

History/Anthropology

88%

Nursing/AthleticTraining

81%

Education/Counseling

81%

Visual&PerformingArts

81%

HR/BusinessManagement

81%

French/German/Spanish

75%

English/Journalism/Comm

75%

Religion/Theology

75%

PoliticalScience/Philosophy

69%

Biology/Chemistry/Geology

69%

Accounting/Finance/Econ

50%

Physics/Engineering

44%

Mathematics/Statistics

19%

WHAT MAJOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU?
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Hi...
I was telling Bai Hui that I feel very bored during the holidays. I know I have a lot of things to do but yet I feel too bored to do anything. Good thing I read my horoscope (I don't really read horoscopes for their predictions but more for the advice. But if I think it's crap, then I would most likely not believe it.)which told me that I should do what I set my mind out to do... something like that. They also said something like follow your intuition. I'm starting to find some sense of purpose during the holidays :) Got to bathe now...it's so late already...
Yay, my younger sis is coming back from China tomorrow :)It's been rather quiet in the house lately coz there's nobody in the room with me to hear my random ramblings. Talk more to yourself Steffi. Been a long while since I last did.
Eclipse <33

2006-06-01T04:30:00.000+08:00

My family doctor wasn't around today so I saw a relief doctor instead. I liked the relief doctor! Coz he told me a lot of things about my condition in great detail :) Today, I learnt that I've a sensitive nose so I'm more prone to illnesses like flu and sore throat. (When my nose gets irritated, it produces a lot of mucus which collects at the throat when I sleep causing it to swell and thus resulting in sore throat.)Haha :D Actually quite happy to find out I've an allergy so next time I don't have to fill in NIL under allergy in forms. Yay! ~

Bought white cloth for $7. Felt very cheated :( Maybe Shin Yi was right, if we had bluffed her that we didn't have enough money, then maybe she wouldn't have forced us to buy the other half of the big cloth. Bleh... never mind, xue cong ming le...(next time when we buy things must be very clear in our instructions and communication with the shopkeeper)

2006-05-20T14:00:00.000+08:00

I have been enlightened! You know I've been perplexed for the past 3 weeks. Now I feel less conflicted in the inside :)

Yesterday, I didn't manage to eat anything from 7am to 7pm save for half a piece of Ms Lim's farewell chocolate cake. Recess we had farewell party for Ms Lim. Lunch we went up to check crystals but the lab was closed, then I had to finish my zuo wen, then I went down for drill. After school, had room duty and spent the whole time making this 4 lit. crystal solution up till 6pm. By the time I reached home it was already almost 7. And you know what's the funny thing? I actually didn't feel hungry, just tired and weak. Oh man, it was like I forgot to eat or something. It was only at 5 something did I realize I didn't eat for the whole day. My gosh X)

Anyway, sabbaticals is coming! Whee~ :)

Combined Sports Meet

2006-05-12T14:15:00.000+08:00

During Combined Sports Meet, Florence and I were going to the toilet when Mrs Ho stopped us and passed us some Funfair Tix to sell. Bleh... didn't go to the toilet in the end because the queue was too long and we had to sell tickets. Asked Staff Pauline but she has a 'blot'(?) test on that day & she has no money. Oh well, it's ok, but I hope I wasn't harassing her or anything :/ Yup, in the 2 hours I was walking around HCI and the grandstand area, I only managed to sell 1 ticket, and with Charlene's help. There was one point in time when Florence and I were just sitting by the sidewalk and doing nothing and I was wondering whether I was doing the right thing just sitting down there and lamenting. I kind of like blamed myself for not trying hard enough but yet it comforted me to know that actually a big part depends on whether the other party is willing to buy. Afterwhich, Florence said she didn't want to sell anymore so she went back to join the class. She managed to sell one ticket to Hui Qi :) Charlene accompanied and brought me inside the sch building and we started asking people whether they were interested to buy funfair tix to the NY Food & Fun Fair. Yah, then there was this boy who was very nice, he was like "one ticket arh" and then he just took out $10 from his wallet. Very shuang3 kuai4 :) So, in the end I only managed to say one cheer (shan1 ge1) throughout the whole of CSM. Oh! And I think the NCC's (correct?) fancy footdrill or should I say handdrill was very good! Albeit I think they should have used a more sombre type of music, play music like crazy frog, make the whole display seem so informal.

Afterwhich, I went to Jurong Point with some squadmates. Jia Hui and I left earlier but not that early since I still managed to see Kong Eileen in the train. Ha ha, Jia Hui is a source of inspiration! Coz she's nice and hardworking! A good role model! Xin Yu also! Coz she sleeps early and does things fast (a behaviour which I should emulate)! Jia Hui told me that there is this PRC in her class who said that studying in Singapore is easier than in China. Although they have no CCA, their school ends at 5, sometimes even 7 or 8. And each day, their teacher would give them more than 10 very difficult Math sums to do. This makes us think twice on whether our life in school is really that hard to cope as we think it is. Yah, and we also talked about something like people from O level faring better than people from IP in JC (I think Ms Fu mentioned this in class too), maybe the O level people receive more drilling, maybe because IP covers too broad a scope, or maybe the students got complacent? But whatever it is, must study hard :) Then, after Jia Hui left, I saw this familiar figure walking hurriedly up and down the train, suddenly realized that it was Eileen! Haha :D Yay, talked a bit :) Been quite a while since I last talked to Kong Eileen anyway. Told Eileen that I haven't been blog surfing for a loooooong time. Then, she told me that I should.

Yay, I finished going through all the blogs in my links this afternoon :) Quite surprised that I wasn't that emotionally affected. Coz normally I would somehow feel quite downcast after blogsurfing. As I was reading, it made me learn from the experiences others had gone through, learn more about them, and *haha* laughed at Han Chih's antics in Li Wen's blog. But I came across this blog that suddenly made me feel sad. Why did you have to sound so depressed? (ok, frankly it's not your fault) Maybe Steffi was starting to feel hungry (I feel sad when I'm hungry). I was actually quite befuddled when I read someone's blog because I didn't quite get what she was saying, but then when I read this other person's blog, everything just started making sense to me. Sometimes I just make myself sad when I get too involved in other people's affairs. Now, even my horoscope reading for this week makes sense to me. Getting too involved in other people's affairs will just add to my troubles.

Reflecting on the past and reminiscing the good times once had is important, but focusing on what we can do in the present, treasuring the people around us and moving forward is important as well.

Thanks for being so nice :) All your encouragement and everything. Who knows how long it can last? Ahh... it's something that I've no control over. Just like what Jia Hui blog's said, I must learn to open my hands and watch you rise, I must learn that beauty has to flourish in the light, I must learn that wild horses run unbridled or their spirit dies. What you have given is already more than I could ask for. Thank you very much.

JIAYOU ME!!! JIAYOU YOU!!! JIAYOU EVERYBODY!!!

2006-05-07T06:40:00.000+08:00

Bleh, I sprained my right thumb before cca. Was running up to the sj room when I my thumb hit the wall or something. Supposed to apply ice immediately but no oppurtunity to. Poor thumb :(

Oh, and I attended a rally yesterday. For the first time in my life! I think there was a crowd of about 30000 at the Serangoon Stadium (where we had agi last year). Never saw that stadium so full before all my life and there were masses of people crowding around the stadium at the car park. I think it was so crowded because it's the Worker's Party rally and it was the last night for campaigning. The crowd was very enthusiastic. They would start chanting "Worker's Party" whenever the speakers made a good point. Ahh...according to the speaker, each candidate in WP has to have 3Cs and 2Ps - credibility, capability, character, passion and public-spirited. Quite interesting. And a opposition party is necessary to keep the current party in check, that is when you have improvement!

2006-04-05T13:30:00.000+08:00

Bishan was flooding like mad yesterday. My shoes were soaked, my skirt was drenched and even the things in my bag got wet, even when I had an unmbrella.

I normally take 53 opposite the 3rd land centre to this bus stop situated near to Townsville Primary. The pathway for the bus to pass through was flooded to the point that the water level of the pathway was higher than that of the pavement. Each time a bus drove through, the water would surge towards us like small waves. So by the time my bus came, my shoes were already thoroughly soaked. My gosh. I never experienced this kind of flooding before. It even came to the point that people stood on the bus stop seats. Haha :D Amused X) I even took pictures of the bus stop (you can see them in my photo album). Ehh... but the effect isn't very good coz I didn't take the photos when they were waves.

2006-03-25T14:50:00.000+08:00

Hi.

I was actually contemplating writing in my own diary instead of here, but since this place has been neglected for quite a while, I thought I should just write something.
Right now, I'm suffering from a bad case of flu and sore throat. I don't like the feeling of sneezing so many times, it makes me feel sick. Actually my throat was quite painful since Tues. It got worse today. My voice is quite hoarse now :(

I was thinking for the past half week. Does more scolding equate more discipline? Is there some other better way to instill self discipline? (I hope I'm not offending anyone by saying these, I was just thinking aloud.) Self discipline should come from a person's own values and not motivated by fear. But yet at the same time, a person who does not have the right personal values, does not have self discipline either. Quite tricky business.

I look forward to doing library service (which is a good library to go?) for nyaa although I haven't signed up for anything yet. I hope I can claim the librarian proficiency badge too!

There have been a lot of 杂音in my brain. A lot of noise preventing me from really concentrating on what I really have to do. All these noises are actually something like distracting, repetitive, won't-come-up-to-anything thoughts that block me from seeing the main purpose and objective. I really need to detox my brain and mind and soul, I suppose.

Mr Tan said that as we grow and mature, we start to talk less. Talk less as in not literally talk less, but more of what we're saying now aren't really what we really want to communicate, kind of, you know like lame talk, yah.

If I want anything, it's to know what's possible to want.

2006-03-11T16:05:00.000+08:00

On the 1st day of obs we watched a bit of Shrek in LT2. I suspected we were going to be in residential as there were more people outside the audi than in the LT. I wanted to be mobile at first (too much influence from people bcoz I always hear them saying that mobile is very fun), so when I found out I was in Residential I was a bit disappointed as I thought Residential was more slack than Mobile & I didn't want to slack. They even split our class into 3. The 1st half of the class was in Kurt, the 2nd last quarter of the class was in Bo Seng and the last quarter in Dhanabalan. I was in Bo Seng. There were 7 seveners in my watch together with 9 other tenners (GEPers). I think I really got to know the GEPers better after being in the same watch as them :) Our instructor was Chew Yien, the self-proclaimed chio bu. Kurt and Bo Seng got to sleep in the bunks on the 1st & last night while Dhanabalan stayed in bashas.
We didn't do much on the 1st day, just normal stuff. Learnt belaying, did a mini thrustfall and did a little navigation activity in camp 1 until it started to rain. (Camp 1 is so much nicer than camp 2) We later pitched our virgin basha on an empty grass patch in preparation for the next 2 nights. I love the bunks :) Was in the same room as Rebecca, Rachel, Zheng Shan, Anastasia & Bai Hui. I slept at the lower bunk. We each had a pillow, mattress & blanket even! Had a a very good night's sleep :)
The 2nd day was more interesting. We did rockclimbing at the external climbing wall. I reached the peak! Yay! Rockclimbing has made me realize a lot of things about myself. I don't really have a height phobia, but when you're up there stuck half way in a rock wall and you can't help but feel a little nervous and fearful. At one point of time, it was rather difficult to pull myself up because I couldn't fully apply my strength. I realized there was always something in me that made me persevere on. When I reached the peak, I only felt a sense of relief. When I took off my helmet, I found out that a bird had pooed on my helmet so I had to go & wash it. It was only when I was walking to the toilet did I feel a sense of acheivement. Haha :D I think rockclimbing requires a lot of encouragement and support from other people. We also went kayaking! Baihui was my kayak partner. Eeh... the capsize thingy made my cap smelly. And Baihui & I have the tendency to kayak S shaped. Haha. Not too long later, we got to camp 2. Saw the mobile people's tents in the camping ground. Was wondering why they have tents while we have bashas. Chew Yien said that they would be going to a place where they would be exposed to the public so they had to sleep in tents. I think tents are much safer than bashas. Can protect you better from insects & animals. But I like the bashas in the sense that it is more cooling and easier to move around as we can come out from the sides (no protection remember). I always sleep at the end of the basha because Bai Hui is scared to sleep outside. Camp 2 has the about the same things as camp 1 just that there is no food centre and no dormitory.
& yay the 3rd day. Oh man. I thought I could have died during the land expedition. We carried all our food rations, lifevests, navigation materials, camping stuff and the 1 ton backpack during our journey of about 9km or so. Actually if I were just to walk, it would be quite easy, but the load almost killed me. My gosh. At the beginning, we kept stopping to rest because we weren't use to the weight of the load. I think from that day onwards, we won't find our schoolbags heavy anymore. But afterwards, we started becoming more focused when we found out we had to reach a destination at a specific time. We went by Ubin Resort, then the Poka Peak of 65m to take in the scenic view of a reservoir ot quarry (can't really remember) and then trekked to another quarry to dip in the refreshing freshwater. It didn't really look very clean to me though, there were alot of brown particles in the water. & then we hiked some more again to a ulu campsite where a big fat boar resides. You know I felt like I was such a weak person when I felt like dying from the hike, realized I wasn't that strong & fit. One thing I learnt about hiking with a heavy load is that we have to perservere & keep focused on reaching our destination, to stop fidgeting the things you're carrying & just concentrate on moving forward. I wondered how Celia was doing because that time when we were running around the basement she just collapsed on the floor. Thought about Elizabeth also. She normally wears a back brace, she's so small, and she has to carry the medical pouch also. Poor thing. But I think Elizabeth is strong! Haha. Kurt and Dhanabalan were there too. Had to do things fast as there weren't any flood lights. Had to rely on torchlights when the sun set. The bad thing was I couldn't find my torch so I couldn't really do much of my stuff so I just helped the group do stuff like pitch tents and hanging our food on the branches of the tree to prevent the residential boar from getting it. The boar stole some of our food before that already. And it so happened to steal the bag which contained yummy food like Oreo. We had a very yummy dinner. Maggi mee mixed with anchovies with spice mixed with campbell soup mixed with button mushrooms :) So nice to eat! *yum* Must try making it next time. Slept at the end of the basha again because I was in the last shift in watch to do night sentry duty (to keep out the residential boar). It was harder to sleep here compared to camp 2 as the ground was rocky. Used my sj groundsheet as a pillow and my yellow poncho as a blanket. Yah, didn't cover my face so I ended getting alot of bites on my face :(
4th day :) We trekked back to camp 2. We recited chinese poems and sang songs along the way. I think it really helped to liven up the atmosphere & make the hike more enjoyable. We went for the jetty jump as well. I opened to my mouth to breathe when I was in the water so I inhaled a bit of seawater. Then we kayaked back to camp 1. I realized that kayaking requires alot of arm strength & perserverance as well. I later climbed the internal wall of the inverse tower with Chai Ping. Good thing Anastasia & Jayne already climbed before us so they could guide us on how we should climb :) Chai Ping is strong :) And Rachel is strong too! You know when I was falling, my buddy line got hooked onto one of the rock climbing stones. Chew Yien asked me to try & reach for it & pull it out but I just couldn't bcoz it was too high up. At that time I was quite frightened as I was like just dangling in mid air & I thought I would just be stuck there. I was trying to figure out how to get myself back up to the logs when Chew Yien told me to remove the buddy line from my harness. Pressed very hard but it was kind of stuck & then when I finally managed to press it, I kind of like plopped down. Haha, when I finished the climb, I was like just stunned. But I'm still quite glad I managed to touch the wooden plank on the top. I think the external wall of the inverse tower is harder because the logs swing but I guess there wasn't time for everyone to try so I didn't do it. I think I got quite moody on the 4th day. Thought alot. Was quite distracted & spilt alot of stuff on myself. The gravy. The soup. And water. You know it's that kind of I-hate-cliques-&-I-feel-extra kind of feeling. Yah, we had group nightwalk to a reservoir near camp 2 at night.
5th day. Bought an obs cap because my mickey mouse cap is kind of spoilt & dirty from kayaking. Don't really think I would wear the shirts. I was asking Felicia what does gan3 kai3 wan4 qian1 mean. I asked Hu Shen & Celia too. Nobody seems to know what it means but I think it's something like filled with a lot of thought & emotions. I think I kind of understand when they say Pisceans are complex creatures. Not that I'm a complicated person, it's just that I've a lot of emotions mixed in me that I cannot tell how I'm exactly feeling & how to express it. So I end up becoming a very neutral person. I felt my eyes burning a bit when I got up the bumboat. But I was like trying to control myself (haha, I usually succeed :P) When I went up to Punggol Jetty, I felt very gan3 kai3 wan4 qian1 again. And then Kewei was like, so long never see you already, and then we were like hugs. Started crying. Man, this kind of hugging thing is very good at triggering tears. Talked a bit with Kyna & Kewei & was telling them that I was back to the harsh reality of life. I asked to tell me what was there in life to be happy for. And then Kewei was like your parents, & then I was like XP *bleh* again. :) Thank you Kewei for comforting me on the coach bus :)
We went back to school and visited our crystals. So qin2 lao2 right?
Overall, obs was fun! I think obs is tougher than sj camp as in the activities that push your limits, sj camp is more like discipline. Obs has made me more resilient :) Yay~

2006-02-26T15:44:00.000+08:00

The Paradoxical Commandments
by Dr. Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

2006-02-21T09:55:00.000+08:00

Sorry Mr Tan. Sorry 307. Sorry to the speakers in assembly. We tried to do the noticeboard during lunch today. They were only four of us. Then, Elizabeth had to leave when it was about to be 12.50pm. She was already late before so we couldn't let her be late again. The rest of decided that we shall just be late for assembly and finish up the noticeboard. Haha :D Come to think of it, it was quite amusing then. We were rushing like mad and kept laughing. I think we were teethering on the brink of insanity or were we already insane? But anyway, the 2nd bell rang, and the board was still not completed. We tried to tidy up a little and ran all the way to the audi. This incident has taught me that we should learn to mobilize our manpower and not gamble and take chances. You know it's like during lesson time, you're rushing to complete another subject's assignment, in the end, you don't do both well. I hope we can get the board done up properly tomorrow.

I must stop playing with my retainers.

2006-02-12T15:40:00.000+08:00

The Light

There is a candle, in every heart
Some brightly burning, some need a spark
Light up your passion, compete with courage
Ignite your candle, ready to serve

Carry your candle, even in darkness
Seek out the knowledge, goodness and truth
Hold out your candle, for all to see it
Shine forward brightly, go light your world

So take the candle, touch every heart
Work with integrity, giving your all
Take up the challenge, dare to excel
Respecting others, serving with pride

Carry your candle, even in darkness
Seek out the knowledge, goodness and truth
Hold out your candle, for all to see it
Shine forward brightly, go light your world

Carry your candle, even in darkness
Seek out the knowledge, goodness and truth
Hold out your candle, for all to see it
Shine forward brightly, go light your world

My primary school has 2 school songs, the Rosyth School Song and The Light which was introduced when I was in upper primary. In the past, I used to like this song because it sounded nice. But now, I like the song because I finally understood it.

I removed my braces today! I must thank my braces for always being there with for the past 2 years of my life, for teaching me how to smile (my aunt told me that we don't wear braces for a most part in our lives, so we should smile with our teeth when we take pictures to remember that we ever wore them) and for teaching me to be more tolerant of pain :) Hmm...I will miss my dear braces.

I thought I'll be able to speak better after removing my braces, but who would have thought that retainers were worse than braces? I can't even talk properly now >.<" By the way, my top retainer is yellow in colour. I first I thought the colour was quite disgusting, but there is a big smiley face right smack in the middle. It's quite cute! So I don't mind the yellowness now. My bottom retainer is white in colour. It has this picture of something that looks both like balloons and flowers at the same time. I actually thought of getting matching pairs but I didn't, lest I mix them up. Hmm... now I know why Marie talks like that. Jia you to me! Hope I can talk more normally soon!

2006-02-03T10:50:00.000+08:00

Just because something isn't cute, is its life worth less? If a girl wins a beauty contest, is she better than a girl who doesn't?

Chinese New Year

2006-02-01T04:15:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I feel as if I've lost the ability to write in blogs. I just can't write as freely as I used to. I remember when I started writing in blogs when I was in sec 1, I wrote really anything. Complaining, whining, gushing at things I like, but somehow I don't know why but I didn't like myself talking like that, like I was some big kid who had the right to make such exaggerated responses to everything, but somehow I missed the way I was able to write like that. I guess I've become a more cautious person over time. And sometimes, I'm like always rebuking myself. Like there's 2 people in me talking. You know like in cartoons, there's an angel on one side, and a devil on the other. Yah. But I figured maybe because when I first started out blogging, there was not really many people who knew about my blog, then more people came along, and I guess I got kind of overwhelmed, of course I couldn't write much of my private thoughts now, I'm afraid people will start judging me, and even if I did, I wrote in codes. I was thinking whether uprooting and starting a blog in no man's land would be a better alternative.

Great, so after rambling one whole lot of things, I feel better :) I shall now start on how I celebrated my cny. From what I can remember, the whole cny was shrouded with homework. For cny eve, I spent the day part of it doing homework, then I went to my paternal grandma (ahma)'s place for reunion dinner. I always like cny for it's food and the gathering of people. Went home rather early compared to last year, at around 9 something. Bathed then started doing Poems Deep & Dangerous. I think why I couldn't really enjoy myself during cny was because of all these homework! I feel as if doing homework is my obligation, and yet when I don't really celebrate cny in order to do my homeword, I feel as if I'm some wet blanket who has forgotten the importance and signifance of cny. So it's like, I was shuttling between 2 places, running to the tv to watch the cny countdown programme, and running back to the computer to do PDD. Quite stupid, coz in the end, I didn't really enjoy doing both. Slept rather late, I seem to be sleeping late every night these days, 12 something or 1 something, when I promised myself to sleep at 11 something everyday. But sometimes, I think it's really not feasible to sleep at 11 something. Too much things to do!!

On the 1st day of cny, we went to my maternal grandma (po po)'s church, then we visited my paternal grandma for a while, then went back to my maternal grandma's place to help with the preparation for lunch. Correction: It shouldn't be we, it should be my auntie and mum to be specific, evil me was doing my homework. My relatives came afterwards, and we stayed till late afternoon, where we left for my ahma's place for dinner. Then went to my maternal grandfather's elder brother's place for a while. They always have such yummy goodies. And they were playing the video of the sound of music. And there's this usual routine of playing the piano, da bo gong always gets all the children to play something, he will also play. He's quite good because he didn't have any piano lessons, he learnt how to play by himself by feeling for the keys. Came home at 10 something.

On the 2nd day, we woke up slightly later because we didn't have to go to church. But I still woke up earlier anyway, to do homework. Then went to popo's place for lunch again. Then went to father's eldest sister's place for dinner. Food was nice :) Played some games which my cousins organized. Got to watch Not Just a Pretty Face. Then, we went to River Hongbao with my mum's elder sister's family. Tried to collect the "gold" from the god of fortune. I was started right at the front, but when the "gold" started falling, all these people started rushing forward with the open umbrellas, block all the "gold" from me. Boo. Walked for quite a distance before reaching the car at raffles city & reached home at 11 something. Hmm... I think the civic district is the most beatiful and scenic place in s'pore.

Have started reading the bonesetter's daughter. I quite like it :) Can sort of relate to the characters.

2006-01-14T16:00:00.000+08:00

It's been quite some time since I've been here. First of all, other things are more important than blogging & besides I think blogging is an evil thing where people choose to say strange things sometimes. You know, sometimes I just blog but not read other blogs, because 90% of the time, I get kind of sad after reading many blogs, so before I click on the link to go to anyone's blog, I always try to put myself in this mindset where I'm more resilient (sorry, I really can't find a better word), just in case I read anything that... You know in THIS POEM (no, not that poem, THIS POEM, haha :D sorry, being lame), "Words can seriously affect the heart".

Anyway, there is an ulcer on the side of my tongue caused by my braces. I think my ulcer got worse, because there's a hole in place of it now. There's a hole in my tongue >.<" I don't like how it sounds.

I hope my hair grows back soon :)

2006-01-04T10:40:00.000+08:00

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character;
it becomes your destiny. - -Frank Outlaw

2006-01-04T08:10:00.000+08:00

Hello there.
Went to my new classroom today. I actually went upstairs first, coz I thought 307 would be upstairs, but no, it now occupies the old shell of 311. Our form teacher is Mr Paul Tan. Looks can be deceiving. He may seem, well very goofy, but he tells us things that motivate us. I wasn't quite used to it at first, for a moment I wished I could hear Mrs Heng's nagging talks again. Now is a period which I would describe as a time out of my comfort zone. You learn most in your comfort zone. I heard. Currently, the people I already know in class are Aileen, Elizabeth, Celia & Florence. Aim to know everyone's name by this week. Take the INITIATIVE!!!
Bye bye~

2005-12-31T15:45:00.000+08:00

Hideez~
You can read this if you are curious coz it is a very long post.

Thu, 22 Dec, In Rm 618 of Nagasaki Grand Hotel

Today, we took a 1am flight to the land of the rising sun - Japan. I couldn't really sleep throughout the flight. Just felt uncomfortable. The food was commendable. All very yummy & appetizing. It's SQ, I guess, that's why. Had tuna croissant for supper & a Japanese set breakfast consisting of steamed rice, edamame (Jap green peas), tofu, egg & salmon.

Arrived at Fukuoka at approx. 8am. It already felt cold in the airport! It was supposed to be warm indoors. We later journeyed towards the Hui Ten Bosch Themepark, a dutch theme park. Kept seeing the signs "国道 202 Route" along the way. Tried to take pics of them but was unsuccesful because the bus was moving too fast.

I think the people at Hui Ten Bosch Themepark invested a lot of $ on it. It look absoulutely like Holland, & it has a lot of museums. We visited the Teddy Bear Museum, Porcelain Museum & Tall Sails Museum. It has very cute souvenirs too! There is a shop selling tiny plants, buds & all sorts of gardening bric-a-brac :)

There was 1 ride called the Horizon Adventure. In the ride, they play a movie on the white screen, have waterfalls to complement the story & motion simulation for the lightning. I reckon this ride deserves 5/5 stars!

We later went to Nagasaki & had dinner at one of the restaurants in Chinatown. I liked the Mapo Tofu! & actually, everything else. Haha. There was also a 100 yen shop. (Note: 100 yen is about S$1.50) It has many levels & sells many brillant knick knacks at extremely low prices.

All the hotels provide a Japanese kind of sleeping gown that looks like a kimono called yukata.

Sat, 24 Dec, In Cabin 216 of Sunflower Ferry

Yesterday, we went to the Peace Park which overlooked the city of Nagasaki. There were thousands of cranes folded by people who hope for peace.

Opposite the road was the Atomic Bomb Museum. Looks like the Japanese suffered a lot during the war as well. The pilot was supposed to drop "Fat Man" on top of a factory manufacturing arms but it exploded in mid-air above 2 hospitals for giving birth. So, many babies who were just brought to the world died. That's why he turned crazy, I heard. Many metals & glass got melted & bent out of shape due to the intense heat in less than a minute. Can you believe it? It's that devastating! Many people either died instantaneously or suffered from serious burns. The bombing in Hiroshima was worse.

Later, we walked up a street to the Oura Cathedral. Along the street, there was a shop called 清风堂 that sold delicious Castella cake. Ate quite a lot of samples. *yum*

At the Suizenji Koen Garden, a priest was performing some elaborate ceremony in a shrine. He beat the big drum, clapped his hands & kneeled in a certain pattern.

We spent the night at Aso Farm Village. It is basically made up of many mushroom-like domes that people can live in. Very cute ^-^ & there was a lot of snow everywhere. So, it was very pretty. However, there was this common hot spring bath where you have to be naked to enter. Went to these kind of baths twice this holiday, so I'm kind of used to it. You know it's like when you accidentally see something, you just pretend that you didn't. Yupp :) Heh heh.

Yup, and finally to today, we went to Mt Aso which was a freezing -6 degree Celcius cold. Had a snowball fight with my siblings & my father. Snowball fights are fun! But my evil brother threw this big snow wedge at my ankle & made it hurt quite a bit.

After which, we drove to Beppu & had more hot springs. Soaked my hands & feet in the reddish water of the Blood Pool & watched the water shoot to 2m high at the Dragon Whirlpool.

Wrote this on board a cruise. This is the first time in my life I'm sitting on an overnight cruise, although it's not some luxury cruise like Superstar Virgo. As the whole ship was warmed by a central heater, it was very warm, so I needn't wear those stinking jacket & sweaters. (Note: They weren't literally stinky, I just don't like them, so itchy & heavy.) There were curtains around your bunk too! So it's like you've your private corner. Not bad at all! Went up to the highest deck & the wind was so strong, it blew towards the bench at the edge of the ship. Okay, okay, I'm not that light, I let the wind blow me. One bad thing about this ship is that smoking is allowed. I hate all those fumes. So hard to breathe.

Sun, 25 Dec, In Rm 1505 of Osaka Dai-Ichi Hotel

Merry X'mas to all!

Yep, today is Jesus' & Cpl's birthday. I think I really think a lot about St John. Up till this day alone, I've had 2 dreams about St John during the duration of the hoilday. One was bad & one was good. Aiyah, the dreams are actually very simple, in the bad dream, everyone had their own company & was snubbing me, in the good dream, everyone was nice & talking to me :) Ha. Yup, it was that simple. I think I'm both an idealistic & a nihilistic person. Aiyee, or maybe I'm just a simple person. Haha. Kidding. Ok, maybe I am, don't know...

Earlier in the day, we went to Universal Studios. The 2 most memorable rides was the Jurrasic Park & Spiderman. I like Jurassic Park, a luge ride, because of the nice big splash at the end. & I like Spiderman because it was a very real 3D simulation ride. When there's fire, you feel heat, when there's water, you ge wet. Best simulation ride I ever sat! Another which I never saw in my whole long life was people literally running to the rides pronto when the gates were opened. So... kiasu.

In the evening, we went to Shinsaibashi, a sheltered 3.5km long shopping street of shops lining both sides of the road. There was this very nicely decorated Hello Kitty Gallery, 3 storeys tall. They sell all sorts of Hello Kitty stuff you can think of and many of which are not obtainable elsewhere. We bought this 50 yen confectionery by the road side as we were attracted to it by the aroma. Haha =D

Mon, 26 Dec, In Rm 216 of Quality Inn Gamagori

Okay, I don't want to be so long-winded.

Basically, today, we went to Kinkakuji (Golden Pavillion) where they filmed Memoirs of a Geisha. Yup, so it's a pavillion made of gold. There was a monk who loved the pavillion so much, he burned himself inside together with the pavillion. So, they had to resurrect the pavillion again.

We also went to Kiyumizu Temple. Picked up those 7-leaf maple leaves as Ms Kim, the tour guide, said it brought luck. Found quite alot ^-^ Actually, it's quite common compared to 4-leaf clovers. There were 3 streams. One representing education, the other love & the other longevity. Drank a bit of each, but I sensed that I drank love the most. I don't need that kind of romantic love. Just simple love. Hope I don't compromise on the other 2 >.<"

The most impressive thing of the day was the Shinkansen Bullet Train. It's so fantastically zooming fast. It really moves like quiksilver. Gone in a few blinks of an eye. Left me feeling quite awed.

Tue, 27 Dec, In Rm 618 of Akasaka Excel Hotel Tokyu

We went to Mt Fuji today & we were lucky to be able to drive up to the 5th station. We didn't do much there compared to Mt Aso. By the way, Mt Fuji is a she-mountain while Mt Aso is a he-mountain.

After much travelling in the coach bus, we finally arrived at Tokyo. Went up the Metropolitan Govt. Building to see the city skyline.

Shortly afterwards, we walked around Shinjuku. Hmm... I still prefer Shinsaibashi because all the shopping is concentrated on 1 street whereas Shinjuku consists of malls & more malls everywhere. There were many bright neon lights though.

Had 390 yen ramen for dinner. It's considered quite cheap as the cost of living in Japan is very high.

Do you know that in Japan, the wives do not want their husbands to come home too early as the neighbours will start gossiping & think that he is just a small fry in the company. So, usually, the men call up their bosses or clients & have drinks or have some form of entertainment together. If not, they will just while their time away in the night, maybe by playing Pachinko (a kind of gaming arcade where there is gambling involved). Quite sad. I don't understand why they are so 爱面子, they should just go back home, spend more time with the family & get a good rest.

Thu, 29 Dec, On board flight SQ 997

I feel energized while writing this :) Perhaps because I just slept alot, exercised a bit & a filling lunch! SQ food is nice :) Too bad I forgot to take the menu for the plane flight from Japan. I only remembered to take the menu for the plane flight to Japan. They're different!

Today, I shall write about Tokyo Disneyland which I went to yesterday. There are mainly 7 lands in Tokyo Disneyland - World Bazaar, Tomorrow Land, Toon Town, Fantasy Land, Critter Country, Western Land & Adventure Land. I really like Disneyland :) Now, I shall elaborate more on the more memorable rides.

At Tomorrow Land, I took the Buzz Lightyear's Astro Blasters ride. I sat in this cup which could rotate 360 degrees & I'd to shoot the Zs along the way. Got 52800 points! So much right? The rest don't believe me but it's really true! I counted the number of digits to be sure.

At Toon Town (a very small & kiddy town that looks cute ^-^), I took the Gadget's Go Coaster. A very mild roller coaster ride. Haha. Can't take wilder rides. I've a weak heart. Haha.

At Fantasy Land, we went to the Haunted Mansion. You know, all my life, when I went to these kind of rides, I'll always keep my eyes closed. But this time, they were opened, & it turned out not to be that scary after all :) Except for one time when I was startled by a dead body which boo-ed me. They had this dining hall where there were ghosts. Very good visual effects. The ghosts were translucent & could appear & disappear. Very real. The only thing was that they looked cartooney.

We also sat on the Pooh's Hunny Hunt ride. It was really nice!! We are seated in teacups which are driven by a somewhat magnetic force that brings us along Pooh's adventure. There are no tracks, so it's like very random. It's cool this way. The ride was decorated in a way that made it look like an inter-galactic Pooh world. The features were interactive too. Very fun!

Also sat the It's a Small World ride. A very nice sweet ride which brought us around all these characters from all over the world belting out christmas tunes and, of course, It's a Small Small World. To sum it all up, it was like this giant elaborate greeting card. Nice :)

At the Queen of Hearts Banquet Hall, where we had our lunch, there was this small light pink cake called the Unbirthday Cake. Yep, the Unbirthday Cake. How weird.

As it is winter in Japan, the sun sets at around 4 to 5 pm. So by the time we went to the Splash Mt. at Critter Country it was almost dark. You know, when it gets late in the day, you just don't feel like doing anything adventurous. Yup, so I was scared, screaming at random even before the splash (it is a luge ride by the way, something like the Jurassic Park ride in Universal Studios). The ride took us round a river where this evil animal held a sign that said "Gone for Good". Scared me even more. Yep, there were a few heart dips, but when I realized the whole thing was over, I was like chicken feat. Like how dare that brochure bluff me & say the "it's the steepest, highest, wettest drop ever!" Grr...

After expereiencing a ride which I thought would be scary but wasn't scary in the end, I was excited to take the Big Thunder Mt. in Western Land. By that time, it was already dark. You had to look under the lamps to read the map. The Big Thunder Mt. is a runaway mine train ride that was fun, noisy & jerky :) Liked it too :)

After having dinner at the Lucky Nugget Cafe, we settled down on the ground to watch the Countdown Parade 2006.The ground was freezing, it made my butt feel so cold & then by stomach cramps started acting up. But then it was more of cold then pain, so it was quite ok. The floats came by. There were Disney characters, parade performers, who wore quite little I started wondering whether they were cold. Everyone seems to like Mickey & Minnie Mouse the most. After some time, the floats stopped moving forwards, & they started having this dance segment. The top of float was suddenly aglow with flames & the fire would shoot up at the pulsating beats. Wondered for a moment why the trees were not catching fire. I think I was lucky to have this float with this drum girl stop in front of me. I mean it's like better to see a human dance rather than a character who can't even dance properly under the costume. I like drums :) Then, they started counting down in Japanese. After which, they announced "Now for the grand finale". I thought they would just moving forward, but no, fireworks started shooting up. I like ones that come out in bronze streaks & then burst out in gold sparks. The last part was super beautiful. All the golden fireworks burst & filled the sky while the bursts of golden dust complemented it. It was so nice!!!

The thing I like most about Tokyo Disneyland was the parade & the wonderful fireworks display. I think the key factor was that they kept surprising the audience, giving them more & more, & also bringing everything to a proper end. Frankly, I like the fireworks in Tokyo Disneyland better than the ones on National Day. The fireworks on National Day just burst one after another, without knowing when it will end. However, the fireworks in Tokyo Disneyland, had a proper & awesome ending. Or maybe, in Tokyo Disneyland, the fireworks were near, so you could feel the full impact. The parade was also more interesting than the Chingay. Maybe the conditions were suitable, like the floats actually stopped in front of us, and that we also got to sit down, never mind it was the cold hard ground.

Overall, I bought the most souvenirs from Nakamise Shopping St. at Asakusa Kannon Buddhist Temple & Tokyo Narita Airport.

Got to watch Charlie & the Chocolate Factory. It is a nice movie. Fast forwarded a bit at some of the parts, because the plane was going to land. I normally don't watch movies because I think they are too expensive for a one time watch & we can see them on tv after some time anyway. Willy Wonka is an eccentric man with very straight teeth & odd mannerisms. Could someone tell me the end? I fast forwarded too much & when I wanted to go back, I couldn't anymore. I think it was something about Willy Wonka not having any ideas for his chocolate inventions, that Charlie Bucket went to visit him, & they went to visit Willy Wonka's father. What exactly happened in the end? Did Willy Wonka start believing in the concept of a family & make up with his father?

Now, when I get back home, I must quickly finish my math hw which I haven't started because I don't know what it is since I didn't receive it. Set my New Yr Resolutions. Have a new focus. And hope. Coz only when there's hope, there will be happiness, even when everything else seems bleak.

2005-12-20T15:27:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I went to FitnessFirst at Paragon to attend some fitness classes. I got a one day trial because my dad's a World of Sports member. The first class I attended was Yoga. The whole lesson was mainly about breathing. The poses were not too challenging or anything coz maybe it's just Yoga not Hatha Yoga or Power Yoga. The next lesson was Body Combat. It was fun! Each lesson is about an hour long. In the middle of the Body Combat lesson, my heart actually ached. It was quite tiring. Had to do continous sit ups X) Felt better after cooling down. Haha, I think I was quite good for a first timer but I guess it's because we already learnt body combat in school =) Body Balance was up next. It was more fun than Yoga :) Now, my arms & legs are aching like anything XP Later at night, Daddy is also bringing us to walk down Orchard Rd, coz he wants us to experience it & see how different it is from the one in Japan. Yupp. Adios. See you all next coming Friday :)

2005-12-15T08:45:00.000+08:00

I was just thinking, sometimes the outside world cuts me so much, I'd rather live in isolation, in a world of my own.

2005-12-13T13:00:00.000+08:00

In life, you gain some, you lose some. And more often than not, the amount of effort you put in does not guarantee the same amount of results. And when you're presented with a task, do it to the fullest or else there's not much point in doing it. And remember, we only live once. But don't take yourself too seriously. Live each day with too high a spirit to be encumbered with the mistakes of the past :)

We had nco course camp for the past 4 days at West Spring Secondary School. Didn't get to really bathe on the first day. Splashed myself with water 3 times then realized that there was no one else in the toilet. Scared me X( I thought everyone already went to fall in. Then, I hurried out & went back to the bunk. Nobody. Then I ran & ran & finally saw my group marching from somewhere. Second day & third day were quite good. Third day was the best :) Expected a lot of people to be queuing, but there was hardly anyone in the toilet! So good! So Celia & I kind of took our time to bathe. Haha :D Wondered why we had so much personal arrangement time & wondered whether they would suddenly start shouting "emergency". Paranoid. I think we turned a bit crazy during supper time after camp fire. Everyone was like laughing & laughing (At what? I don't know... but it should be about all those insects on the table in our drinks.) Sir Jeremy & Ma'am Candy gave us chocolate teddy bear biscuits, Yupi heart-shaped strawberry sweet & a personlized fish key chain. I think the course i/c said something about packing our stuff or finishing the food or something. I saw other group mates stuffing the gifts in their pockets. Then someone said,"No pocket, how arh?" Then I started stuffing all the presents inside my t shirt coz I don't have pockets too. Yu Hsuan said I was pregnant with teddy bears then she offered to keep my things in her plastic bag. Started taking out the things one by one from my t shirt. It was amusing lah X) Laughed crazily. Like food suddenly popping out from your t shirt. We did night sentry duty on the 2nd night. It was raining very heavily & it was so cold!! (brr...) The wind was like blowing the army green mugs onto the floor. West Spring has fertile soil. So many thousand-legged worms (millipedes) & insects. It was good that we ate before campfire, if we had to barbecue food at the same time, then people won't pay that much attention to the performance. Foxtrot is a nice group :)

I realized I have 3 kind of moods. One is the happy-go-lucky kind when I start getting chatty. The other is the more pensive kind when I'm noticeably quieter, that's when I start thinking a lot, more often than not, it's got to do with some negativity, but after thinking longer, I will feel better & that's how I came up with the first paragraph. The other one would be when I feel at peace with myself.

This Sunday would be nco course theory exam. Must study for the next 5 days (today is resting day). Then 4 days later, I would be overseas le! Then come back, 4 more days, then school re-open le. I haven't done any hoilday homework yet! Coz I'm still not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do. Xinyu told me a bit le but still not very clear, so... Time flies.

2005-12-05T04:00:00.000+08:00

Hello...
I'm feeling confused now, I guess.
Can someone teach me how to live simply?
When I try to improve myself, say for example, my confidence, I'm scared that I become too egoistic.
When I try to be calm & composed, I'm just hiding all my emotions in me.
When I try to be active & enthusiastic in a group, I'm scared I deprive others of their chance to participate.
Maybe I just have to admit that I'm insecure? Ya, maybe...
Ha, this reminds me of a song.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I've becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I've becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I've becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be

People always say to be yourself. Me. ME. Me.
But what is me really?
Even I don't know myself.

K, now back to light stuff. I'm having a sore throat since Mon, after we started practising singing the songs for farewell party loudly coz we're afraid they won't be able to hear us. It's not really that painful, just you know, something there. Can't attend heartsavers course. Boo. Have to go for jlpt (japanese language proficiency test). At least I'll have some chance to catch up during the heartsavers thing we are doing during camp. Ahh... I need to practise my cpr!!! Coz it's not good >.<" I hope my sore throat gets better. Don't like going to camps with a sore throat. My nco course group hasn't done much for camp. No performance yet. No flag yet. No first aid kit yet. No cheers too. Nothing. Even the meeting is not confirmed. But it should be this coming Tue. Hope to buy the first aid kit & get them to pay me, coz I'm the treasurer in the group X) Although, I don't seem to have done anything yet. Yay, & the trip is more or less confirmed. We're going to Japan! (I hope it doesn't get cancelled again *crosses fingers*) We're taking a 1am fight. Ha. But because we're going so late, its late autumn already. Very close to winter, so it's going to be really cold. I don't know, but somehow, I like going to western countries more. I like it when people talk about their holidays. Ha, it just makes me feel happy. Oh, & sounds of aeroplanes too! :p Just like the idea of vacations :) Hmm... I must still celebrate Christmas somehow. I think throughout this whole farewell party preparation thing, I got to know my juniors better :) Umm.. ya. :) Heh, I know I'm jumping around alot of different topics, but I still hope you know what I'm talking about. Yup, so... I have tried to study as much as I could for jlpt, but I always get bored easily, like start doing other frivolous stuff. (This is the holidays after all, you know) So, in the end, not much revision is being done X( Like see, the test is just this afternoon, & I'm not studying at all, don't feel like. Is this procrastination? Actually, I'm just rambling. Oh, & for farewell party, I ate only 1 sausage, 1 chicken wing (actually not exactly one chicken wing, we were rushing to perform, so I couldn't even finish 1 wing. Steffi Huang, slow eater!), a morsel of fish (the spicy kind so I didn't eat much, scared that it would make my sore throat worse) & 1 cup of orange juice shared with Hu Shen & Xinyu. Not anyone's fault that I ate so little. My fault. Ha, Hu Shen always says that it's my fault, for no reason sometimes, but I think she only means it jokingly. I'm going to be a sec 3. Ho... ho.... Suddenly, I start to feel a little old. 1 nco asked us what post we want to be. Eeee... yuck! yuck! yuck lor. I hate hate hate to think about such things one. (suddenly, I'm sounding so Singlish) Anyway, that jlpt thing cost $20. Steffi!?!?!?! Still not studying? Haix... just do your best later.

2005-11-26T15:56:00.000+08:00

I badly need to revitalize myself. I've been feeling so tired & drained lately. Actually, I've been like that for the whole of this. What with all the entanglements, challenges, etc. It's just that I never got the chance to really give my mind, body & soul proper rest.

I actually wanted to join yoga to revitalize myelf, but after coming across a lot of bad publicity (back pain, neck aches, etc. reported in newspapers), I started getting a bit apprehensive. My mum's friend who is involved in yoga actually felt herself come out from her body & was able to look down at her own body when she was meditating. Like whoa, her spirit actually came out from her body. That is kind of scary. What if her spirit failed to go back to her body? She would just die meditating!?!? But I heard she was at quite an advanced level.

More interested to join dance now. I still remember I was in Chinese Dance in Pri 3. Haha :D *stereotyping* I felt dance was a total torture especially when we did all those stretching exercies. Quit after 1 year :P

But then, when we started having dance lessons in Nanyang, I realized I like Dance & I actually like all those tortorous stretching exercies. Torture is fun. (I hope I'm not sounding too sadistic.) & when I feel that stretch, that pull, the pain, I feel a sense of satisfaction that I'm actually pushing myself to my limits.

& since we won't be having dance next year, I might as well take it up during my own free time (Wait a minute, will I even have free time? & what is that thing about joining math tuition?) Maybe I can use it for NYAA also. Currently, I'm taking SJAB Fund Raising for Sevice. OBS for Adventurous Journey. Japanese for Skill. But for Physical Recreation, it's still one big question mark. (considering St John PT, or dance, or, or...) Can't possibly do everything related to St John. I can, but I don't want to. Want to try new things, but if I really can't, then I don't have a choice.

So now, the only thing I've to revitalize myself is to go travelling which is unfortunately only going to take place at end December (will be skipping Christmas), when... I'm finally free.

2005-11-19T15:54:00.000+08:00

Who should win Star Awards 2005?
Best Actor: Chen Han Wei A Life of Hope or Huang Wen Yong Destiny
Best Actress: Cynthia Koh Portrait of Home 1
Best Supporting Actor: -no comments-
Best Supporting Actress: Yvonne Lim A Portrait of Home 1
Best Comedy Performer: -no comments-
Best Variety Show Host: -no comments-
Best News/ CA Presenter: Tung Soo Hua
Young Talent Award: -no comments-
Best Drama Serial: 赤子乘龙 (!!!)
Best Variety Program: -no comments-
Best Variety Special: 绝对Superstar Grand Final
Best Theme Song: 阴差阳错 JJ Lin

2005-11-17T04:30:00.000+08:00

Changed the closing message for the posts already. I also realized that the song lyrics don't appear. Just as well.

While trying to find a suitable picture of myself to send to Celia, I chanced upon this picture my dad took during the welcome ceremony when we were just sec ones, new to the school. I can't make out who are the first 2 people on the left. *goes down the row* Xin Ying, Le Ying, Meiqin, Conky, Shi Min, Xi Wen, Brenda [she was later tranferred to 107], me, Olly, Eileen, Lynette [Lynette looks so guai right? She has turned more rowdy over time, but she's still that nice old Lynette :)], Hui Shan, Ye Hui [how come I don't recall Ye Hui having that hair style at all?], Jia Yee, Joelyn [transferred to SCGS] & Hui Ying. We looked so blur & innocent & gullible then :D Ha, & I always tied my hair into this taut ponytail. I always made sure I never left out a strand, I was such a neat freak. And if you took a look at our socks, they were high, just like what they were meant to be, until this school "polluted" us. Anyway, I'm not the type that wears my socks low on purpose, I was just referring to the bunch of us, in general. It's quite nice really to include this picture in the 202 photo album. It's makes our journey as a class have a proper start & ending. This picture being the start when we hardly knew each other at all & also somewhat childish. This year's C & D Nite pics being the end in which we are bonded & wiser. And all the other pics in the taken in between as the growing up process.

I don't like making drastic statements. Just live simply, my dear.

2005-11-15T14:35:00.000+08:00

I changed my layout again because the bandwith exceeded for the previous layout. I quite liked the previous layout though. This layout is not properly personalized yet. I find the song & the closing message kind of inappropriate but I can't think of anything better at the moment. This layout has this whimsical feel and quite easy to edit compared to the previous one.

Ha, still kept that 202 thing there even though we're going to receive our class allocations this Fri. I guess some part of me doesn't want to let go. Thank you 202 for being so supportive & being there whenever I was pushed down by other things. There's this gang of us called the Sticks, but the only true sticks in it are Hui Xian & me. Somehow, although, I admit, our class has cliques (can't be avoided, it happens everywhere), I don't feel restrained or restricted in any way, to me everyone is like a friend, someone approachable, I also made good friends outside my clique. Although we don't win any big awards like Model Class, I can sense this bondedness in us. Sometimes I feel that it's my cca which has moulded me & made me more confident, but it's my class which has been supporting me & giving me this encouragement (although not physically but I sense it). To a certain extent, I feel more appreciated in class. Thank you so much for everything! I will miss you all. But still, we must look forward to the future. New beginnings, new hopes. I'm kind of looking forward to obs.

We went to Sentosa today. Although it was meant to me a squad gathering but only 6 of us turned up. Jia Hui, Eileen, Jia Yi, Celia, Hu Shen & me. We went to Palawan Beach for a change & partly because the newspaper reported drowning incidents in Siloso Beach & a stonefish poisoning incident in Tanjong Beach. Wow, I never experienced a wind as strong as this in a beach in S'pore. The wind was like blowing straight into my face & brushing the sand all over me. Had to use the brochure to cover my face. Crossed this exotic-looking island bridge to the southern most point of the Asian continent. The sand there felt very nice & spongy. There were tiny jellyfishes! Some of us got stung. It wasn't that serious. There was also this whole school of tiny fishes swimming near the coast. There were mudskippers by the rocks too! There were many pulsating stuff aka. gelatinous creatures aka. jelly babies on the shore.
Afterwards we ate food bought from 7-Eleven at the Children's Playground (Jia Yi's clever idea!) & played around for a while after that (that roundabout thing that made me giddy but it was quite fun). We walked quite a distance to this pavillion near Siloso Beach where we sat for quite a long while (legs too tired!).
Went on quite a number of bus & tram rides. There was also this tram driver who was old but very boisterous & friendly. We wanted to go on the Dragon Trail but we were too tired & dehydrated so we just left afterwards.
It was a fun but tiring trip! When I came home, I drank loads of water & slept for quite a while. Still feeling a little dizzy now.

Dealing with things as they come along is the best I can do now coz you still mean a lot to me.

2005-11-10T13:30:00.000+08:00

I had been involved in an immersion programme at the Japanese Secondary School for the past 3 days. They were really hospitable in the sense that they had an opening ceremony, big bouquet of flowers, free textbooks, table and locker labels, closing ceremony, gifts (o-mi-ya-ge), yummy (!) tea reception, and a slideshow consisting of pictures taken during the immersion programme and organizing special activities for us like learning Japanese calligraphy and playing some Japanese card game (very good for training reflexes).
I was attached to 3 buddies, namely Tatsumi Mei, Miyauchi Yoko & Tatekura Sayaka. They are all in class 1-4. The desks & chairs which they use in their air-conditioned classrooms are wooden & miniature-sized compared to ours although it states in a sticker pasted to it that it is suitable for people 159cm and above. When it comes to lunch time, they will arrange their tables in class such that you face your partner and eat from your lunchbox (o-ben-to). They have really nice and fanciful lunchboxes and they eat with these small cute chopsticks.
After 50 mins of lessons, we will always have a 10min break where you can do anything you want or prepare for the next lesson. They also have homeroom before and after proper lessons. Homeroom is probably similar to our class contact time. The difference being that they have it twice a day instead of once a week. They also have a mini whiteboard where they write the homework for each subject. During homeroom before lessons, you have to hand in all your valuables to the homeroom teacher (form teacher). If there is nothing much to be discussed, they just read their own books. During homeroom after lessons, they will have a 1 min reflection where you have to close your eyes & reflect on the day's events. The reps will also read out the homework for the day and your valuables will be returned to you.
One of the things that struck me most vividly is the active participation in class. Each time the teacher asks a question they would raise their hand high up almost instantaneously, eager to give their answers. The female students also have a lot of accessories. You know it's like one big bunch of assessories hanging from one side of their pencil case, their bags, their handphones, etc.
Since I couldn't understand what was going on for a considerable amount of time during lessons, I would spend my time observing the surroundings. I was looking around for some broom or something which can be used for cleaning the class but I couldn't see any. I was like thinking,"Oh, so maybe they don't clean their classroom but it's amazingly clean." However, I found out where all the cleaning equipment were during cleaning period after lunch on Weds. It's in this white closet that is camouflaged with the white walls. They also have this whole bunch of cleaning equipment solely for their class or something which could be found at the end of the corridor in a rack. I thought it belonged to the toilet lady. Coming to think of it, I don't recall seeing any toilet lady. They had their own mops, pails, etc. Yes, I had to mop the classroom corridor. Not by myself, of course. Everyone was cleaning something. They even scrub the walls clean. Like oh my gosh, they are so enthu.
For cooking class, we made miso soup. I was looking for a soup spoon when I realized that everyone was just drinking straight from the bowl. Yep, so I did that too. For music lessons, the class was broken into 2, one group learning the guitar and the other learning the Japanese version of guzheng (ko-to). Yup, I went to the guitar class. For p.e., the class was broken into 2 again, one group was learning some sort of stretching exercise and the other judo. I went to that stretching exercise (it's not exactly totally stretching actually) class, whatever it is.
Oh, and for the Japanese calligrahy class, I went to a sec 3 class. I met Yuka whom I hosted the other time in Nanyang. Ok, I admit I was a bad host. I didn't do much to entertain her and my Japanese was barely there.
When I was in the calligrahy class, I noticed that the class is divided distinctly into 3 groups. The boys, the guai and i-want-to-study kind of girls and the more pai kind of girls who dress up and put on make up. Yuka belongs to the former :) That's good. Oh and the sec 3s are like big [not everyone though, Yuka & her gang aren't that big ;)] compared to the sec 1s who are like really tiny (not all also, some are really big, but ya, I meant generally).
When I was in 1-4, I also realized that there really isn't any distinct Japanese look. Some of them even look like Malays. I remember for the only history lesson I had in the school, they talked about something like their ancestors coming from China & Korea. Oh, so since all our ancestors originate from China, no wonder their look doesn't really differ much from us. Sometimes you can't really tell until they open their mouths. Then, I started wondering why their language could differ so much from us. Then, I realized that their kanji came from China and all the other stuff came from Korea.
It was enjoyable being there although it left me physically drained. When I'm there, I'm more like trying to experience their culture that sort of thing, I was never really merging into their society. It's like life in their school & when I step out of their school is a different thing althogether. In JSS, I'm quieter due to language barriers & more restrained also. In school, I can relate to the people there and express myself. And it's like my school is my life sort of thing. This made me realize how important my school is to me & has taught me to treasure it all the more.

2005-11-02T10:50:00.000+08:00

Whee, I thought Choral & Drama Nite was so fun!! At first, during the full dress rehearsals, I was just feeling okay. Later, I started getting sad, which I suspect is due to hunger again. Hui Xian, Sam, Yangg, Conky, Chia and me went to Prince for lunch and I packed the fries so I could eat it later. We walked around and found this very nice little shop called friende@work, if I'm not wrong. I liked this cute wooden bracelet which cost $1.90. However, I didn't feel like spending money, so I just didn't buy it. I don't really need it anyway. Afterwards, Sam and I went to make the signs and the book cover for the show at the comp lab. I don't know, but I was just feeling sad. I thought maybe it could be due to the fact that this would be the last time we would ever be working together as a class. I was feeling kind of dizzy too and I think I had arthritis or something coz my knee hurt alot. Felt better after that though. Yep, we had the changing room. We had the LT last year. I was actually quite disappointed when we didn't get the LT, but I afterwards, I realized I liked the changing room too! The changing room's small, so everyone is like together and the toilet is just there so we don't have to walk very far. Hmm, and we could also experience what it was like to be in the changing room. Probably because the foundation applied was too fair for my skin, I looked like a geisha. Had to remove some make up so I wouldn't look that fierce. Haha, during the show, I actually said "bie2 fang4 xin1" instead of "bie2 dan1 xin1". Oh my gosh. I didn't realize it at all until people told me afterwards. No wonder people laughed. I was wondering what was so funny about it. Haha, why do I keep making such silly mistakes? Like I actually said D is for no discipline. St John has no discipline. Heh heh, I only realized I said the wrong thing after I said it coz it didn't make sense to me :P Yup, so anyway, I think our group did very well :))) I mean we were like one of the lousiest last time, we had to axe out a lot of parts during the audi rehearsal and then add them in for the real day as they were too messy then. We were quite soft for the full dress rehearsal too as a matter of fact. Haha, but the real thing turned out quite well despite some slips here and there. mao2 liang4 liang4 lao2 shi1 said that he "wei4 wo3 men2 gan3 dao4 jiao1 ao4". Haha. I know we tian2 le4 hen2 duo1 ma2 fan2 for him, coz we are always so slack during our practices. Thank you mao2 lao2 shi1. I was actually the jin2 cha2, but they changed my role to zhu2 chi2 ren2 2 days before at the last minute coz some people sort of withdrew from the show. After we finshed performing, we went back to the changing room and I was like jumping jumping jumping. I guess I was really happy :) And then, group 1 started clapping for us. What a happy day :) I was a rioter in group 1's production too! Thank you for all the wonderful memories:))) Oh, and thank you Xinyu for your flower :) 202 rocks a lot! Yay!

2005-10-25T11:20:00.000+08:00

Heh heh, I figured I still liked this blog, so I don't think I'll be abandoning it at the moment. So we'll just take it that I've 2 blogs then :)

2005-10-20T09:50:00.000+08:00

It's odd. Blogger can only publish short posts now. I have this really really long post I wrote days ago which I tried to publish repeatedly the past few days. Maybe God doesn't want to publish that post. Oh well...

Went to the sick bay today. Felt very cold inside and giddy while I was checking papers. No no, it wasn't my marks that made me like that. Maybe it was the painkillers for my injured back. Good thing Aileen helped to check my paper. My brain totally couldn't function at all. Felt better after sleeping for 30 mins.

2005-10-11T09:36:00.000+08:00

Really Long Survey (over 200)
What is your name?:Steffi
Are you named after anyone?:Yes, after Steffi Graf, a tennis player. Appears that my dad was rather into tennis last time.
What's your screename?:Steffi.
Would you name a child of yours after you?:No.
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?:Matthew?
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?:Stephanie (sounds close to mine)
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?:"steve-fee"
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?:No, why should I?
Basics
Your gender:Female.
Straight/Gay/Bi:Straight.
Single?:Yes.
If not, do you want to be?:
Birthdate:28 February 1991
Your age:14
Age you act:14 (I think)
Age you wish you were:14
Your height:167cm
Eye color:Black
Happy with it?:Yes
Hair color:Black
Happy with it?:Yes
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:Righty
Your living arrangement:In a semi detached house.
Your family:1 father, 1 mother, 1 younger sister, 1 younger brother, 1 domestic helper and me!
Have any pets?:Nope, but I used to have fishes but they all died.
Whats your job?:Student
Piercings?:Maybe ear piercings
Tattoos?:No
Obsessions?:I try not to have any.
Addictions?:No
Do you speak another language?:Chinese, Japanese (though not really good).
Have a favorite quote?:No particular favourtie one.
Do you have a webpage?:Yes.
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?:Sometimes. I try to.
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?:Yes
Do you have any secrets?:Yes
Do you hate yourself?:No
Do you like your handwriting?:Yes
Do you have any bad habits?:Yes
What is the compliment you get from most people?:nice, cute (since I came to sec sch only), etc
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?:scones!?! haha...
What's your biggest fear?:Lizards in the toilet
Can you sing?:Yes, but whether I sing well or not is another thing :P
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?:No
Are you a loner?:Sometimes
What are your #1 priorities in life?:Health, Studies, Family, Personal well being, Friends, CCA
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?:Yes
Are you a daredevil?:At times
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?:I don't hate anything about myself but sometimes I don't like it when I start day dreaming about things that probably won't ever happen.
Are you passive or agressive?:Passive
Do you have a journal?:Yes
What is your greatest strength and weakness?:Too detailed which could be mistaken as fussiness.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?:Nothing
Do you think you are emotionally strong?:I think so...
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?:Yes
Do you think life has been good so far?:Yes
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?:You reap what you sow? What do you like the most about your body?:Sorry, don't feel like answering...
And least?:Sorry, don't feel like answering...
Do you think you are good looking?:Okay... I guess everyone is beautiful in their own right.
Are you confident?:I did this quiz from zhang lao shi, and it says that my confidence is 66%. So I guess, not very but I'm trying to!
What is the fictional character you are most like?:No idea
Are you perceived wrongly?:I don't know
Do You...
Smoke?:No
Do drugs?:No
Read the newspaper?:Yes
Pray?:Yes
Go to church?:Yes
Talk to strangers who IM you?:No
Sleep with stuffed animals?:Do beanbag toys count?
Take walks in the rain?:If I have to
Talk to people even though you hate them?:Yes
Drive?:No, but I drove a go kart!
Like to drive fast?:I guess so.
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?:Hur hur, all I can say is that there is nothing really wrong with it
Hurt yourself?:No
Been out of the country?:Yes
Eaten something that made other people sick?:No
Been in love?:Yes
Done drugs?:No
Gone skinny dipping?:No
Had a medical emergency?:Maybe
Had surgery?:Yes, dental surgery.
Ran away from home?:No
Played strip poker?:No
Gotten beaten up?:No
Beaten someone up?:No
Been picked on?:YES
Been on stage?:Yes
Slept outdoors?:Yes
Thought about suicide?:I think about what would happen if I contemplated or committed suicide but I never contemplated suicide.
Pulled an all nighter?:Not really.
If yes, what is your record?:Until 3am. It happened when I was like maybe 4 or 5 and I was going through all the photographs at home.
Gone one day without food?:No
Talked on the phone all night?:No
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?:Yes
Slept all day?:No
Killed someone?:No
Made out with a stranger?:No
Had sex with a stranger?:No
Thought you're going crazy?:Yes
Kissed the same sex?:No
Done anything sexual with the same sex?:No
Been betrayed?:Maybe
Had a dream that came true?:Not sure. But there were goals that came true.
Broken the law?:Yes, jaywalking
Met a famous person?:Yes
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?:No
On purpose?:Yes, ants and other insects.
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?:No
Stolen anything?:Umm... I pilfered something.
Been on radio/tv?:No
Been in a mosh-pit?:No
Had a nervous breakdown?:Yes
Bungee jumped?:No, but I would want to try
Had a dream that kept coming back?:Not that I can recall.
Beliefs
Belive in life on other planets?:It sounds scientifically logical.
Miracles?:Yes
Astrology?:Yes, to a certain extent
Magic?:No
God?:Yes
Satan?:Yes
Santa?:No (I know there is a real Santa in the world but it's not the kind that would go from house to house, dropping presents down the chimney.)
Ghosts?:Yes
Luck?:Yes
Love at first sight?:Yes
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?:No
Witches?:No
Easter bunny?:No
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?:Yes
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?:No
Do you wish on stars?:I did once.
Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?:Yes
Do you think God has a gender?:No, but I had always pictured God as a male.
Do you believe in organized religion?:What's that?
Where do you think we go when we die?:Heaven
Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?:No
Who is your best friend?:I don't think about such things.
Who's the one person that knows most about you?:No one, but maybe a few people.
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?:Can't remember.
Your favourite inside joke?:Don't know
Thing you're picked on most about?:That I'm too thin. (boo)
Who's your longest known friend?:If friends refer to people we currently keep in contact with, then its Weifen and Olly.
Newest?:Can't remember.
Shyest?:Chia?
Funniest?:Alot.
Sweetest?:Don't know.
Closest?:A couple.
Weirdest?:No idea.
Smartest?:How do you define smartness anyway?
Ditziest?:No idea.
Friends you miss being close to the most?:Bah...
Last person you talked to online?:Jamie
Who do you talk to most online?:Heh heh, do I even go online?
Who are you on the phone with most?:Hui Xian
Who do you trust most?:Responsible people.
Who listens to your problems?:A couple. Sam, Xin Ying...
Who do you fight most with?:Nobody.
Who's the nicest?:Everyone's nice.
Who's the most outgoing?:?
Who's the best singer?:Haha, no idea. Maybe Xi Wen, Xin Ying or Celia coz they are the only people I heard really sing.
Who's on your shit-list?:I don't have a shit-list.
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?:No.
Who's your second family?:Let's just say nanyang is like my second home.
Do you always feel understood?:No.
Who's the loudest friend?:Eileen (in terms of her screaming)
Do you trust others easily?:Err... not quite sure.
Who's house were you last at?:Should be Sam's house if I'm not wrong.
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in:Don't know, but there are times when I either feel happy or sad and I really feel like hugging someone but there's no one there whom I can hug.
Do your friends know you?:Suppose so.
Friend that lives farthest away:Conky (west). Yu Hsuan (east)
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?:No
What do you find romantic?:Candlelit dinner, walk down a quiet nature path, etc.
Turn-on?:Don't know.
Turn-off?:Don't know.
First kiss?:Ehh... I kissed my grandparents and parents on the cheek before.
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?:How would I know? But I guess I would feel honoured?
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going:Yes
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out:No
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv:How would you define physical unattractiveness anyway?
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?:Don't know
What is best about the opposite sex?:Don't know
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?:Don't know
What's the last present someone gave you?:Lucky poo from Beatrice!
Are you in love?:No
Do you consider your significant other hot?:I have no significant other.
Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?:Nobody
You wanted to kill?:Nobody
That you laughed at?:Can't remember.
That laughed at you?:Let's just say a couple of people laughed at me so I don't know.
That turned you on?:No!!!
You went shopping with?:Just went out with Hui Xian, Jamie, Chia, Aileen and Sam but that was not counted as shopping. If it's real hard core shopping then it should be my mum.
That broke your heart?:Don't feel like saying...
To disappoint you?:Don't feel like saying either...
To ask you out?:Wenjia, but I couldn't go.
To make you cry?:Mr Derek Tan, from laughing too much.
To brighten up your day?:Hu Shen when she came over to say thank you.
That you thought about?:Haha, don't want to say...
You saw a movie with?:Hui Xian and Sam
You talked to on the phone?:Eileen, about Mrs Heng calling her
You talked to through IM/ICQ?:I don't even use IM or ICQ.
You saw?:My sis.
You lost?:*haix*
Right This Moment...
Are you going out?:No
Will it be with your significant other?:No
Or some random person?:Most probably
What are you wearing right now?:hongzi
Body part you're touching right now:NIL
What are you worried about right now?:You know, I'm like a great big worrier. Always worrying about everything, but I try not to be.
What book are you reading?:The Reading Group
What's on your mousepad?:A message that says "I will give you sheperds after my own heart." -Jeremiah 3:15
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling:Both happy and lost, yup.
Are you bored?:Quite ok, this quiz is entertaining me.
Are you tired?:Yup, from eoys and walking around Orchard.
Are you talking to anyone online?:No.
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?:No.
Are you lonely or content?:Content.
Are you listening to music?:No.
Take this survey | Find more surveys
You've been totally Bzoink*d

2005-09-15T11:45:00.000+08:00

Yay, we carried out the science sia experiments during lunchbreak today. Ha, it only took us 20 mins. Not bad. It was fun testing the paper. And Mr Leong, the lab technician, was very nice. He was helping us throughout the whole thing. And he was like "so fun, so fun". Ya, I thought it was fun too :)
Had a near death experience during Physics lesson today. We were supposed to dismantle the 3 pin plug today to see how the wires are connected inside. Halfway during the lesson, Gwee plugged the 3 pin plug into the socket and switched on the circuit. There was this loud snap sound and it kind of shocked me since I'm sitting just in front of her. It felt like something had hit me when I heard it. It took me a while to realize what happened. Ya, and the whole classroom had a blackout. Ha, was quite nice actually. A blackout! Mdm Tan seemed quite excited and she said that this was like a true practical session. When we went to check the 3 pin plug, the wires already turned black. Gwee was very shocked and she said her hand was trembling after that. You must have had God's blessings to come out of this incident unscathed.
Yay, got lost on the 3rd lang bus today :) Or maybe the bus driver was just taking a much longer route.

2005-09-09T02:15:00.000+08:00

Oh ho ho ho... I just had the inspiration to blog about AGI after searching for one after so long. Haha, was quite pleased with my bunned hair because it was finally neat for once. Ha, that's because I gelled it ;) It's kind of impossible to keep my bunned hair neat with only 4 pins, everything will just start coming out. But I don't have to worry about bunning my hair, period, because I cut my hair le. Came to the stadium in full u already at 3.30 and was feeling surprsingly giddy. I suspect it was due to hunger yet it couldn't be since I just had a buffet not long ago but maybe it's because I digested the food really quickly or maybe it's just because I'm anaemic. Ate marshmallows, skittles and m&ms but still felt quite giddy. Only felt better after eating the cheese bun! We had contingent resizing again and I'm quite happy that I've kept the same spot from the previous rehearsal. There was this sec 3 girl called Yan Yi standing beside me and she was quite affable. Was quite surprsied when she first said hello to me. But anyway, we just chatted. I'm glad they play music when we stand there in the field. Concentrating on the music makes standing there less torturous. You know, we have all these rehearsals and inspections so often that I'm quite used to wearing full u. Used to find wearing full u a chore because I'm scared that I'll forget to bring some parts of it but so far nothing has happened :)

2005-09-02T06:30:00.000+08:00

Heh heh, I was studying Crime Prevention last night when my sister told me that Rosyth (my primary school) got burgled. Yup, the vidoecams in school showed these 2 masked men who broke into the bookshop and canteen stalls. This is like totally scary. Good thing our school is safer since our school is surrounded by concrete walls and bushes and we have a security guard at the main gate. The only loophole is the side gate. So, our school is not really that safe after all. So... this tells us that going on nightwalk alone is highly dangerous. Ghosts aside, who knows we might meet a burglar? And in the Crime Prevention book, one of the crime prevention measures is to use strong iron grilles for your windows which the upper storey of my house doesn't have and so my sister and I were quite paranoid the whole night wondering whether we would ever get burgled. It is actually quite easy to get into the upper storey of the house because at one time, my parents forgot to bring out the keys when we went out. So, we were kind of locked out when we came back. My father took the ladder from the backyard (he forgot to bring it in the previous time) and managed to climb into an open window in the upper storey. I mean like what!?! It's so easy to break into the house. And to my horror, the ladder is still in the backyard. Not safe... not safe...

2005-08-27T13:40:00.000+08:00

So, we have bgi rehearsal this Sunday at Serangoon Stadium. Yay! Only 3 bus stops away from my house.

I'm happy that the weekend is here. I'm so burned out from this week. 3 tests! I know that's not alot compared to upper sec, but still... Slept at 1am last night to finish my past year math test questions X(

Teacher's day is coming! I get to prepare all these gifts and cards for them. Nice :)And we get to watch the performance too! Hope there will be people I know performing, like last year!

Oh ho... we just got this subject combination form on Thursday. I think I choose by passion, interest and whether I can score in the subject. So, I want to take Chem & Bio! But my father said that it's a waste to give up Physics at such a young age. And since 3 sciences is only for the top 75% of the cohort, he said that I should aim for the best. I still must consider...

My ambitions. I have alot of ambitions, built up over the years. I want to be a newscaster, open my own cafe, be an interior or fashion designer, and most importantly, I want to work in the hotel industry! I think it's a joy to serve others.

Got to go, I want to watch this show in central about whether a child's intelligence is from birth or nurtured, I think. Quite interesting so I want to watch.

Got this from someone's blog. I thought they were quite nice and anyway I don't have the soundtrack so I decided to hyperlink them. Hey, I think you are nice :)))

An Jing

Tong Hua

2005-08-19T09:20:00.000+08:00

I decided to get a new layout because I've decided to start anew. I know it's a dark layout but it's nice right? And anyway, I like the Harry Potter music.

There was a very intriguing discussion going on during class today. I remember I was doing my ke hou lian xi when Shu Feng came over and told Xi Wen the lyrics for Moon River. Xi Wen was singing the song and I commented that the song was nice. Then, I don't know what happened. More and more people started coming over and suddenly we were dicussing about God, about the different religions, about going to Heaven or Hell, about evolution and about the end of the world. First of all, I believe that all will go to heaven no matter what you believe in (that's unless you believe in Satan!). I don't think you will go to hell even if you don't believe in the Christian faith. I think there is only one true God and different religions have different ways of intepreting it and worshipping their God. Somehow I believe in the evolution theory although I shouldn't since I'm Roman Catholic. I heard from Gwee that Darwin said that his evolution theory was a lie on his deathbed though. I mean how could Adam and Eve have so many descendants of different colour and race? I still believe that God created the world though. The world couldn't have possibly came from nothing. There must have been something or someone behind it. And so I think that souls exists too since God exists. I don't think ghosts will harm us though. Sometimes I don't even know why the world exists, why I exists. It just seems so surreal sometimes. And I believe that the world will come to end one day, you know - the second coming. I mean just look at what humans have been doing to the Earth. The Earth will run short of resources one day or there will probably be some big environmental disaster or the Sun will simply run out fuel. Gwee said that the world will end in flames though. I hope the end of the world doesn't come during my liefetime *crosses fingers*. Sorry if I'm stereotyping, but Christians shouldn't be too aggressive and go around telling others that their faith is right and persuading others to go their Church or convert to their faith and then babble out a whole lot of Bible and history trivia (albeit they can be quite interesting). We must still remember to respect the faith of others. At the end of the day, just know that God loves you and be a morally upright person.

History lesson was interesting too! Mrs Khoo is a good History teacher! She makes History so interesting. She will only be here for 2 weeks. We learnt that Singapore cannot exists on it's own. We have to probably merge with some other country, most likely Malaysia, in the future. It's like what!?! No more Singapore? I even wonder whether Sinagpore can survive till it's 100th birthday. Then, it's like the 4 million of us brought together by fate and our ancestors will be separated. Bah >.<" I still have this wish of seeing all the people I know now when I grow up. I want to see how they will be doing and how they will have changed. It's going to be so much harder when we start becoming more mobile people and start migrating in search of greener pastures. Migration is not too bad an idea but I will miss the people and the tv channels :P And will we be as accepted in other countries? A good place to migrate to is New Zealand! It's such a nice and beautiful place (: It will be very lonely and deserted there though. Life won't be as fast paced and interesting.

I can't believe I can actually debate. I mean it's just not in my nature to argue. I will just be like you know the neutral party and always accepting what others think because they do have a valid point for thinking this way. I can't believe I could actually be zui jia bian lun yuan for class debate. (Of course not for inter-class debate, I'm not that good.) I remember when I got to speak, my hands were trembling and I'm not sure whether the paper was shaking. So when I zong jie, I chose to just leave my script on the table and just talk. Haha.

Cross country tomorrow! It better not rain...

2005-08-15T10:10:00.000+08:00

The more you know, the more you realize you don't know. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. I wished I knew nothing of this.
So many things have happened or have they all just been playing in my brain again and again? I just feel like isolating myself. This is bad. It's better to pretend nothing ever happened.
I'm not sure whether you care anymore.
I try to bury myself with work but it still pops up in my mind again and again.
You know, what is meant to be yours is meant to be yours. Don't compare what you have now with others or what you used to have in the past. You'll feel happier and more contented with your lot this way.
Celia, I think I'm lost too but it's probably about different things.
Somethings are better left unsaid.
Smile Steffi (((: Life is good if you think it is.

2005-08-07T15:49:00.000+08:00

At first glance, you may find yourself fascinated with a Piscesian.
People
with Pisces horoscope are usually gentle and have a softness about
them,
essentially living in a world of dreams and romance. Along with their
sensitive and mysterious qualities, their psychic intuition usually
leads
them through life.
Piscesians have a tendency to fall in love easily and can have several
love
affairs until finding the right match. To stay in a continuous
relationship,
a person born under Pisces horoscope need to have their emotional needs
met,
along with a feeling of security. Adaptable to almost any situation and
all
sorts of people, you may find a person with Pisces horoscope to be a
real
charmer.

To win points with a person born under Pisces horoscope, compliment
them on
their appearance, or flatter them regarding something they have done.
Additionally, if you're the sentimental type, you will be on your way
into a
fulfilling relationship. If you're thoughtful, kind, and affectionate,
in
return, you may find yourself richly awarded with devotion. However, if
you
constantly criticize or have a tendency to be unfaithful with your
devotion,
you may want to keep looking. Piscesians will find this behavior
intolerable
and definitely unacceptable. A Piscesian will do almost anything for
someone
they care about. Once they commit to a person, they will give all their
time, effort, and energy to them.

Their interests fall in the arts and in stimulating conversation. These
often artistically talented individuals love topics on mysticism,
spiritualism and the supernatural. Piscesians horoscope love to expound
and
explain their point of view, however, if you don't agree, be gentle.
This
sensitive zodiac sign, doesn't appreciate rejection or someone that
takes a
completely negative approach to life. They are also great listeners and
their sympathy is mostly genuine.

Once they have found a stable, passionate, and tender partner, they
will
relinquish their uttermost passion and devotion to them exclusively.

People with Pisces horoscope won't even mind if the person makes most
of the
decisions that are to be made. As an attentive, compassionate and
romantic
lover, they will surely fulfill your spiritual and physical needs. Once
content in emotional security, this vulnerable sign of the zodiac, will
look
no further.

Thank you Eileen for helping me get this horoscope reading :) but I think it talks too much about love which isn't quite relevant to me actually.

2005-08-01T14:13:00.000+08:00

Ho ho, didn't complete quite a bit of homework coz I was busy studying for Quiz the past week. Yup, we won! A happy ending - just as Jia Hui said. Yes, we already did what we had to do. Now, it's like a burden off my chest but I now feel quite lost without Quiz. Heh heh, I remember Enqi said the 1st quiz training when we did CPB badges and got 2/10, 3/10 for our cases. Haha :) Thank you everyone! You guys have been very nice. All the support, encouragement and hugs, gifts and congratulatory messages after that. Thank you a lot! I remember there were like so many people hugging me. And then I don't why, I started crying when I was hugging Yi Jing halfway. It's so unlike me to cry. Overjoyed? Shocked? Too many people hugging me - like Eileen said. I don't know. Yes, thank you so much Staff Pauline for always guiding us through and being our pillar of support and dear Woon Chee and Ying Jie. And of course my dear dear dear no.1 and no.2 and my dear squadmate Xinyu - no.4. I will really miss quiz training with you all. Love you all :) Thank you everybody! We got champion le!

2005-07-08T23:45:00.000+08:00

Comp team all the best! I'm sorry I can't be there personally to support you guys, but I shall give you my mental support :) Jia you~

Poor me. Have been having diarrhoea the past few days. It got quite bad last night. And this morning, I actually vomitted in school, on the floor. Eww... yuck. I was on my way to the toilet when the vomit just came out of my mouth no matter how hard I tried to hold it back. It's been eons since I last vomitted. Thank goodness my vomit didn't look too gross or anything. Everything looked transparent as if I just vomitted out water. So the vomit on the floor just looked like some water spill :P Didn't tell the cleaner about it though. Had to abstain from all diary products during the fun fair like fried ice cream, ice cream, waffle with ice cream etc. Better safe than sorry.

Last night, I've been reading up on the ailments I've been having and I just realized that I'm getting the illnesses from my specialized subjects >.<". Like from Wounds and Bleeding, I fell down and hurt my knees. From Childbirth and Medical Problems, I have vomitting and diarrhoea. Very xie2. But maybe it's all just a coincidence. And besides it can help me learn the subject better :)

Youth day celebration was fun. It was fun going around seeing people:) Had henna done, bought indian bangles, chocolate flakes from mortal class, and this message in a test tube thingy, porridge and orange juice with ice.

Took neoprints with Jia Yee, Sam and Hui Xian. They look really shiny like the one Yuka gave me.

Watched Mulan too. It was rather abstract but it was still a good show.

2005-06-26T09:29:00.000+08:00

Hello hello, I'm back. Back to this lifeless and dead blog.
My pc crashed a few days ago so I couldn't blog about camp when my memory was still fresh. But oh well...
I'm now using the pc at my grandma's place.
Yep, we had quiz training today after homenursing exam. Took 961 all the way back to school. At first, Xinyu and I thought we took the wrong way because it has already been an hour and we still haven't reached, but we decided to trust the bus driver who told us that this bus does go to Bukit Timah. We started having motion sickness. We reached school feeling drunk and started to wonder whether someone drugged the star potatoes with XO. Then, we saw Ferly who reached school earlier than us when she took the mrt. Aah, Jia Yi, you taught us the wrong way! We were blindly waiting at the bus stop outside hq for 961 to appear when Charlene came and told us whether we were taking 100. Then we realized the only bus that goes to that bus stop was 100. What toots.
Camp was fun, I guess. Actually, I just felt ok about camp but after experiencing these few days without camp, I suddenly realized I needed something like camp to push and motivate me. So, my final conclusion is: Camp is fun. Frankly speaking, something inside me was anticipating something nicer, better and more exciting to happen but I guess it never did. And it's such a "good" thing that I have 2 pusing abrasions, so much so that I missed the Citylink thing which I think would have been fun.
I fell down halfway during Thousand Legged Worm but you know everyone was having so much fun, I didn't want to spoil the fun by telling an nco that I injured my knees, then she would get separated from her squad for their last campfire together. So, I was like bear with it, bear with it, wishing everything would end quickly. I guess an nco's frog did help to cheer me up a little bit because I don't like the sight of blood, especially when it's on me.
Triage was manageable. I should count myself lucky for getting caualties I know how to treat. Not like last year when I got scolded like anything.
You know maybe everything would have been better if I took more initiative. Like I could try to get the prcs more involved during topo. What Miss Chee said on the bus was very meaningful. It helped me to feel enlightened. She said something like not being a passive member. Don't take the back seat. Something like Nanyang girls are leaders. Oh, and we walked so slow, really very slow. The HCI people were quite good at navigating :) Oh, and you know the auctioning for food? I thought that was very interesting. I actually felt like a dog at first. Imagine pumping just to get food, but it was really quite fun.
Oh, and you know for the campfire item? We couldn't even dance the 2nd song because there was either something wrong with that rickety radio that was barely working or the cd. Pity... pity X(
Oh, and we could barely start a fire. Thank you Amazon for sharing your pit with us ;)
People always say thrustfall is so fun. Is it really fun? I don't think it's scary but I won't label it as fun. It hurt my back last year and made me feel nauseous this year. I guess it was because I just drank alot of water.
Oh and nightwalk. Aah... how could they make us go alone. That is so cruel. At least it would have been fun and exciting going as a pair. I heard footsteps behind me and someone calling my name. I didn't dare to look behind at all. And I was trying to psycho myself that I was hallucinating. Was actually rushing through the whole thing while trying to act calm. I'm so glad I saw some sec 1s shortly after hearing my name being called or else I really would have freaked out. Ya, but I still had some integrity and waited for them to walk away first before I continued. I hate all those alleys. Then, I went to the toilet. I was like Drats the toilet part. That was until I saw Ferly and the same sec 1s just now. I was so happy. I suddenly realized that maybe all my life, more like recently, I've always been psychoing myself to be happy, see the brighter side of things. Ah... the power of words.
Hee hee, quite happy that we got 9 for the table label coz I did it ^-^ Learnt it from art attack. Art attack rocks!
I think I've bonded more with the prcs and the sec 1 in my group and I got to know my squadmate and my sec 3s better after camp.
Oh, anyway, thanks Celia for your advice on blah blah blah today. I guess it did help me understand her better.
Baked cookies at Lynette's house with Chia and Aileen on Thurs. It's the 1st time I ever baked a cookie. The 1st batch turned out pretty bad. It looked more like bak kwa than cookies. The 2nd batch was done with the help of Lynette's mother, and they looked more like cookies. However, the cookies from both batches tasted very good, but of course not as good as Famous Amos.
Should start finishing my om report now. Bye ~

2005-06-09T13:10:00.000+08:00

We painted our group flag today and it's currently drying in progress in the basement carpark. Not sure whether it's safe there or not. But it should be safe, I guess. Our flag looks psychedelic, very striking!
Some of the sec 3s were telling us about stories about camp during group meeting today. Talked about nightwalk, triage and quite a lot of other things. We didn't have nightwalk last year! And nightwalk sounds interesting to me!! I think we're going to have nightwalk this year. And they better not make us go alone. Anyway, that's not safe. You know it's like everytime during camp, we have to go in twos or threes if we go anywhere. Ok, finally something to be excited about. Yup, because frankly during camp briefing I wasn't very excited about camp. Don't know why, maybe because the surprise factor isn't there anymore. But but but, camp seems to be more exciting after today. Maybe because I got to know my group members better.
My throat is getting itchy. Must not get sore throat! That's the worst thing that can happen when camp is approaching. It must be my brother who passed me his virus. He goes around coughing dramatically.
That's all I've to share today. Tata~

2005-06-05T18:35:00.000+08:00

I just had this feeling of happiness and since it's not dinnertime I thought I should just write about it. Writing helps to affirm your happy thoughts and feelings.
I was very overwhelmed when I saw how packed my calendar was. Oh my gosh, it's like I've a meeting for something everyday. Like what kind of holiday is this? No time for myself at all.
Then, when I was showering, I thought maybe I should just write down the tasks I've to accomplish for each project. With everything clearly spelled out instead of bottled inside my chest, maybe things won't look that bad.
My mother's room has this really big window that kind of show you a nice view of the neighbourhood. I saw this property agent, in her car, who helped us get this house and who also happens to live in the same neighbourhood wave to my mother who just left the house to buy food.
Suddenly, I realized that man has created a lot of activities for themselves to spend time and perhaps make like more interesting and less monotonous. We have stocks, we go to school, we have jobs, etc.
So it dawned upon me that all these activities help linked people together. That's to say, the more you engage in different activites, the more people you meet, and I read somewhere that women who engage in the company of others, or in other words - socialize, produce oxytocin which makes you healthier. So all these activites I have, actually give me a chance to interact with others, and it's kind of a good thought that it makes you healthier.
Just imagine if you were the only person in the world. Scary. Just be happy you have the company of people. Doesn't it make you feel warm and blessed?

2005-05-28T12:22:00.000+08:00

Went to Ferly's blog and saw this quiz, so I went to do it for fun. I like doing this kind of quizzes too!

The Nurturer

You have a strong need to belong, and you are very loyal.
A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways.
In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.
You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for.

You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

The Protector

You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.
Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.
You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.
You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.

You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

The Caregiver

You are sympathetic and caring, putting friends and family first.
A creature of habit, you prefer routines and have trouble with change.
You love being in groups - whether you're helping people or working on a project.
You are good at listening, laughing, and bringing out the best in people.

You would make a great nurse, social worker, or teacher.

The Duty Fulfiller
You are responsible, reliable, and hardworking - you get the job done.
You prefer productive hobbies, like woodworking or knittings.
Quiet and serious, you are well prepared for whatever life hands you.
Conservative and down-to-earth, you hardly ever do anything crazy.

You would make a great business executive, accountant, or lawyer.

The Giver
You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed.
Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections.
Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down.
You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine.

You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

What's Your Personality Type?

Maybe not knitting. I've sweaty palms you see. Sometimes when I sew or I guess when I do anything that is similar to sewing, my palms will start to be wet and it becomes quite hard to grip the needle well.

2005-05-28T11:40:00.000+08:00

Just received camp groupings yesterday. I'm in group B again like last year. Let me tell you that there're not many good names starting with B. Bond is quite a good name already. Last year, we were called Blasters, but it was a bit of a mouthful to say. Too many 's'es. Yup, so we're doing folk dance and a skit for camp performance. The people in the group are Enqi, Rebaca, me, Jia Yi, Huang Yin, Shi Hui, Yi Ling and Wang Cheng. I'm not sure whether it's good to be the only sec 1 in a group. If it was me, I would feel rather intimidated. I don't really know the prcs very well. Keep forgetting their names but I still remember that prc whom I did toc with but I still forgot her name anyway >.<" That's bad.

I know I was very noisy yesterday. I thought I was feeling traumatized but I don't know by what. Hu Shen said that I've changed. And I tell you I was screaming, shouting and banging my desk in class. And sometimes I would even whine. I even thought that I've been infected with Livy's fever too, but maybe I was just pms-ing. Pms is not a good excuse though. I can't believe myself. I almost started to agree with what Hu Shen said about how I've changed. However, I don't like being a noisy person, it's better to be more quiet and I must be calm and composed remember? Very unsure about what's happening to me, I went to tell my mum and she said that I was merely just excited about the hols. Excited? Excited about what? There's really nothing to be excited about. Okay, maybe I was, but I don't know. She said that I've been very 'drama' since young. I really hope that's the case. I will keep my behaviour in check, should never go that crazy again.

2005-05-14T00:08:00.000+08:00

What Icons are for you? by ladyallie
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2005-05-06T21:31:00.000+08:00

I'm not sure whether you guys have experienced this. There are 2 extremes when it comes to your mood after cca. 1) You feel very happy. 2) You feel redundant and useless. And it so happens that I feel redundant and useless today. Anyway, thank you Wenjia for comforting me by telling me that everyone makes mistakes. Oh wellz... I should just get over it.
Those lucky toots Hui Xian, Sam and Xinyi are going out on Monday after school and I can't go because I've 3rd lang and there's Japanese CA3 too.
There's a combined sports meet tomorrow and I'm quite surprised we don't have to do first aid duty. We get to cheer! Cheering is fun :)
Napha! Why doesn't Miss Nicole Ong give us the grading scheme for Napha? Then, I don't know how much I've to do to get and A. I tried searching for it online, but couldn't find any though.
It's Mother's Day this weekend and I think I'll be going out with the maternal side of my family for some buffet as usual for every Mothers' Day but I really look forward to eating cakes. I hope I get to eat cakes. I saw this picture of a cake in the dbs rewards book and I thought it looked really yummy.
Eileen... want me to post the photos of your pinch pot and clay figurine in my photo album?

2005-04-29T22:48:00.000+08:00

I actually have a lot to say. This week seemed to be a week where I was thinking and pondering a lot. However, I always leave the later periods of the day to blog. By that time, I'd have been so sleepy, I'd just forget what I actually had so much to say about. I guess it's because all those problems have passed, but life is always filled with ups and downs, and other problems would probably come my way.

One of which I wanted to talk about was regarding a particular junior. I just cannot believe what she did. It's so shocking! Weren't we suppose to hua4 qing1 jie4 xian4 with them, how could she even initiate her to do something like that. I don't know. This is so contradictory.

Secondly, it's about blogging. If you read bao4 mi3 hua1 of this week's lian2 he2 zao3 bao4, you would have come across this article about the different perspectives of blogging. I sometimes feel like I should password protect my blog because if I don't, it becomes open to the public and I have to responsible for what I say even if it's still my blog. Besides, it also becomes no fun if there isn't anyone you can share your experiences with.

A mountain out of a molehill. Maybe all this is just a molehill and I'm making a mountain out of it. I can do it! I can do it! It's something like what Amy Lin (hei1 ye4 cai3 hong2) said," Even if the whole world were to die, I, Amy Lin, will still survive." Okay, maybe no this extreme, but something to this effect.

Oh yes, my sis. We used to get along very well but lately, she has gotten very spiteful. I guess she's at a rebellious stage in her life when she is neither here nor there. Never mind, we still get along quite well.

The weather has been very hot and unbearable lately but I've been resisting the temptation of switching the air-con. I'm against the use of air-cons because of the negative impact it has on the environment. If you can take it, use the fan, it's more enviromentally-friendly and cheaper.

Ooh, there is a walkathon tomorrow! And there is no first aid duty (finally I can be with the class)! And we have body combat (which is quite fun)!

Wanted to blog more about the first aid duty at Yishun Stadium where I commited a lot of evils like talking and fiddling with my handphone and even cheering. Thank you ncos for telling us that we shouldn't do that. I'll keep that in mind. But I still have to go now, because my sis wants to use the pc. I wish I had my own laptop (laptops are cool! I like the keypad!) and besides the computer at hone is rather problematic and faulty, I don't like it.

Wish I could take neoprints soon... (guess I've to wait till the Jun hols)

2005-04-01T19:36:00.000+08:00

Changed places le. I'm now sitting in between two very talkative people - Xin Ying and Livy. Aah, they talk and crap so much, it's so hard to listen in class. Heh heh, finally told them that I won't talk anymore, so they won't disturb me. Kind of miss sitting with Jia Hui at the corner where it was quite quiet and serene. Jia Hui! But sitting with Xin Ying and Livy is also quite fun if only they don't crap so much in class.

This blog is so not safe and we have so much restraints set by certain people so a lot of stuff regarding cca is written in our squad's special place ;) ...lalala...

Some of the crappy stuff we do in class.
Livy: This is a foodie.
Me: A what?
Livy: A foodie.
Me: This is a foodie.
Xin Ying: A what?
Me: A what?
Livy: A foodie.
Me: A foodie.
Xin Ying: This is a foodie.
Le Ying: A what?
Xin Ying: A what?
Me: A what?
Livy: A foodie.
Me: A foodie.
Xin Ying: A foodie.
Heh heh, maybe you all don't get what so funny about it, it's quite lame, but quite fun when you keep passing the sentence in some kind of domino effect. And the words are so cute! ^-^

2005-03-24T22:47:00.000+08:00

Exasperated. Very very exasperated. Have tried in vain many times to get into ivle. It's not that forgot my password or whatever. The page just doesn't come up, they just direct me to internet optimizer. Boo :( Can't see my online progress report nor post in the forum now.
Recently, someone's entry in a livejournal has caused much controversy in the school. I have no idea why they care so much about our underarms. I'm not really affected by what other people think because everyone is open to their own views but I'm quite sad when I read a comment from a nanyang girl. She should be in sec 4, I guess. She said something about sending all the entries and comments to Mdm Mak so that changes can be made to the uniform but after that she changed her mind and said that since she had suffered wearing the uniform for 4 years, she doesn't see why her juniors shouldn't. That is like so insensitive and she is siding with someone who tried to tarnish the school's reputation. It's rather disgusting but maybe she just wanted to appear friendly to that guy. Whatever.
-hopes to access ivle soon-

2005-03-16T17:08:00.000+08:00

I was working on my Chinese Portfolio just now. I have done my reflections for 3 articles so far and I still have 7 more to go. I'll be reading 学而文集 later to find some articles on 关怀.
The holiday has been very busy so far. There was geog extra lessons on monday, outdoor activity on tue and science extra lessons today. There's also science sia meeting this friday.
I went to coro today to look for thinner to scrub off the paint stains in the garage. There weren't any though. Mummy said that we could go look for thinner together this Saturday.
Eek, why does this entry feel so lifeless? It's like I'm just reciting out what I've been doing. Boring. But hey, my life has been better than this, I just don't feel like putting them into words now.
Playing captain's ball at siloso beach was fun but the I think the captain's ball we play in school is tougher. I guess since it's just outdoor activity, not many people felt too competitive. Ooh, the chocolate frappe from Delifrance rocks man! Actually, I like almost anything that tastes something like ice milo.
I've been feeling very tired lately. Maybe it's post camp sickness. Symptoms include feeling semi-conscious, dizziness, tiredness and lethargy.
I miss New Zealand... Sometimes, I wish Singapore was just as cold. Hot weather leaves you lethargic. I know there's air con but I don't use air con because I don't quite like it. However, I just try to put myself in the traveller's perspective, appreciating the weather, the architecture, and the culture. I feel much better like this. While sitting on the bus on the way home today, I noticed a Caucasian tourist looking out curoiusly through the glass screens and smiling as if he was admiring the scenery. It's quite a nice feeling to know that someone else appreciates the environment like you do at the same time. There was also this preschooler brother who was reciting the alphabet with his toddler sister. It was quite a cute scene.
Whee, I think *blah* and *blah* rocks. Hee hee, suddenly I think they all rock! Eee, I don't like how this sounds. I'm like talking in codes. I don't know what's their problem about not mentioning them in our blogs. I mean they should draw the line between cca and personal life. But whatever, outdoor activity was quite enjoyable and I sat the monorail for the last time with Charlene, Hu Shen, Jia Hui and Yu Hsuan while Xinyu, Eileen, Jia Yi and Ferly spent their time frolicking in the sea. The monorail kinds of make you sleepy. Or maybe I was just plain tired from the acitvities and everything.
Heh heh, I cut my hair on Saturday. I didn't mean for it to be this short. I told Shirley, the hairdresser, to cut up to my collarbone level but she cut it slightly higher. All this when I was dozing off. Most people got to sleep all the way till late the next morning when we came back from camp, but I did not. Had to study for koto. Was struggling to keep myself awake. Hope I'll pass X( I don't want to go back and waste my time taking another test again. Ya, so anyway, I think my current hairstyle is quite nice and I don't bald that much anymore. Tying up your hair exerts pressure on your hair, so it drops more easily. So since I don't tie up my hair now, less hair drop! :))))))